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The next morning I showed up at Kenny’s condo right as Shyanne came out the front door dressed head to toe in aqua Lululemon,

dragging a yellow Labrador that couldn’t have been more than eight weeks old.

I didn’t think she’d be able to see me through the glare of my windshield, but she stopped dead the moment she stepped outside.

I suppose there were only so many purple Civics with big dents in the front right fender. When I unbuckled Bodhi and joined

her in the shade, she looked so on edge I almost didn’t know what to say.

“I came to apologize,” I said. “I’m quitting the account and I’m going to get my real estate license. And try to be...

someone you can be proud of.” I struggled to push out the words. I tried to read her face, but it was guarded. It was unreasonably

hot for February, and I could see the sweat gathering on Shyanne’s upper lip.

“I don’t know if I can ever forgive you,” she said, and my immediate reaction wasn’t hurt but skepticism. A full raised eyebrow.

Like, This is how you want to play this scene, lady? I knew that was not how I should feel, so I tried to get back to feeling sorry and bad.

“I wish I could take it back,” I said. “I wish I’d been at your wedding.”

“Well, you can’t,” she said.

“I know that.”

The puppy was jumping up all over my feet.

“You got a dog,” I said. I bent to show Bodhi. “See the puppy? It’s a puppy!”

As soon as I brought us close, it jumped up and licked our faces with delicious puppy breath. At first Bodhi was terrified

and clung to me, then he shrieked with laughter and kept trying to touch the dog’s face, almost stabbing it in the eye with

his tiny fingers.

“What’s its name?” I asked.

“Lieutenant,” Shyanne said. “Kenny’s wanted to get a Lab for years and name it Lieutenant, so...” She gestured sort of disgustedly at the adorable puppy.

“He’s darling,” I said.

“I was going to take him for a walk.” Shyanne motioned in a way that seemed like an invite, so I followed. We weren’t so much

walking Lieutenant as slowly meandering through the grass so he could roll in a three-foot radius around us.

“How have you been?” I asked, determined to outlast her coldness. I followed her as she followed the puppy, and she answered

all my questions tersely with fake hurt. She was milking it almost beyond my ability to feign contrition when suddenly we

lit upon the topic of her gambling in Vegas. She was like the sun coming from behind clouds as she described her system of

waking up in the middle of the night, sneaking out of the hotel room, gambling until four, and then crawling back into bed

before Kenny woke up. She detailed a game hand by hand in which she’d won almost ten grand. I thought of JB saying his mom

had Lucille Ball energy, and I thought maybe that was why we got along the way we did, both of us raised by these delightful

psychos.

“And you never told him?” I guffawed.

“Hell, no!” she said. “You know he’d put it in some bond or CD you can’t cash out for thirty years.”

I laughed. I talked a little more about the real estate idea, and Shyanne was absolutely thrilled. “Margo, that is genius,”

she said, and invited me to come inside the condo to try this new drink she really liked that her personal trainer had recommended,

which turned out to be a red powder you mixed with water that contained 150 milligrams of caffeine and enough niacin to make

my arm skin prickle. We were sitting at Kenny’s kitchen table, or I guess their kitchen table now. Bodhi was in my lap.

“You’re going to need a whole wardrobe,” Shyanne was saying. “I’m thinking skirt suits, I’m thinking Victoria Beckham. I’m thinking legs for days and a nude lip. I’m so excited!” Shyanne was beaming. My heart was beating like a hummingbird from the red powder and also from relief, an eagerness for things to be easy between us again. She grabbed my hand. “I’m just so darn glad you came to your senses. I mean, I knew you would! I knew you wouldn’t want to lose that baby. But I am so, so glad.”

I froze. “What do you mean ‘lose that baby’?” I could hear the buzz of the overhead lights in Kenny’s kitchen.

“Well, they did come by, didn’t they?”

I’d never told her about the CPS visit.

“I mean, what a wake-up call!” she said. “Kenny said that’s what you needed, and he was right, I guess.”

It was taking a while for all of this to cohere in my brain. “Wait, are you saying— Did you guys call CPS?”

“Well, I mean, not me, but Kenny,” my mom said.

“Jesus, Mom,” I said. I had a sudden vision of reaching out, grabbing her lash extensions, and ripping them off her face.

“Well, look, it worked!” She pointed at Bodhi on my lap.

I stared at her, trembling with rage. “I could have lost him,” I said. “Mom, the investigation is still ongoing. I could still

lose Bodhi!”

“Oh, they’re not going to take him away if you stop doing the OnlyFans,” Shyanne said, waving her hand to brush away the idea.

My heart was beating faster and faster. It would have been one thing if I thought she was scared for Bodhi, but I didn’t believe

that for a second. “If you were really worried, wouldn’t you have, I don’t know, called?! Dropped by?”

“We weren’t exactly on speaking terms!” she said. “Once you posted all that on Facebook! I mean, honestly, Margo, what were

you thinking!”

“Mom, I didn’t post those. Why would you think I posted those? I was doxxed. You could see it right there—the account that

posted them was called SlutSleuths!”

“Well, I didn’t see that,” Shyanne said. “I thought you were advertising.”

“Jesus Christ,” I said. There was a feeling like I was going to laugh or vomit. She was a fucking idiot.

“Well, however it happened,” Shyanne said, “it doesn’t matter, because Kenny saw it, and once he knew, he wouldn’t let go

of it, how it wasn’t right for a child to grow up in a home like that, how we were guilty of child abuse if we stood by and

let it happen. And he made me!”

“He made you?” I pushed up from the table, not able to remain sitting any longer. Bodhi picked up on the vibe shift and began to whimper

in my arms.

“I couldn’t get a moment’s peace! And the more he said it, I mean, I didn’t think you should be doing that either! I didn’t

like that you were doing”—she struggled for what to call it, then hissed—“all that . I thought it would teach you a lesson. This is about you and your decisions. Trying to blame this on me .”

She rose from the table too and paced around the room, sucking on her red drink through her straw. Her face looked hyperreal

in the buzzing fluorescent kitchen light. My eyes were streaming with tears, and all I could think was: Why doesn’t she love

me? What did I do that this is all the love I get?

“Margo, I’m sorry,” my mother said, closing the distance between us. She reached out and squeezed my shoulder. Her hand felt

cold. “I’m sorry,” she whisper-hissed, “but what was I supposed to do? Kenny isn’t exactly the most adjustable guy!”

“Then why did you marry him?”

She squeezed my arm hard, whispered, “You don’t think every day I wonder if I made a mistake? But it’s the choice I made.

It was the only choice I thought I could make at the time.”

It must have been dizzying, Jinx showing up with those roses. There had to be a part of her that considered ditching Kenny

then and there. But Kenny was a sure thing. That was his whole deal. And here she was asking me to understand how fucked the

world was and how trapped she was within it. She’d been asking me to do that my whole life, and I always, always had. I’d

understood she couldn’t magically make Jinx stay and love us. I’d understood she needed romance and that meant dating men

I didn’t like or want around. I’d understood she needed to work weekends, I’d understood we didn’t have that much money, I’d

understood she needed a beer after work, I’d understood when cooking dinner was beyond her. I loved her. I understood it all.

But sometimes understanding wasn’t enough.

“Don’t take your judgment and shame over how I was making a liv ing and try to pretend it’s love,” I spat, “that you’re concerned, or that you did it for my own good. You don’t care about what’s good for me, what’s best for us. You care about not pissing off your new husband so you can keep dressing in Lululemon and seeing your personal trainer.”

Shyanne made a noise of disbelief. She didn’t seem to know how else to respond.

“Stay out of my life,” I said. “Just stay out!”

And then I walked out, hobbling on my bad ankle, my baby sobbing in my arms. The moment we got outside into the bright sun,

he quieted, looked around, amazed at having been plunged into a beautiful day. Trees wavered around us, dappling the sidewalks

with fluttering shade.

No, I thought, as I walked to my car. I didn’t know what I was saying no to, what I meant, only that the word was right. No.

No fucking way. Not like this.

When I got home, Jinx was out looking at apartments and Suzie was in class, so there was no one to talk to and share what

had happened. I put Bodhi down for a nap and began folding laundry, not sure what else to do, when my phone dinged with an

email from Ward. All it said was: How do you like them apples? There was an attachment, a PDF titled 730EvalReportCase#288862. I’ve never clicked so hard on anything in my life.

The whole first five pages were a maddening labyrinth of check boxes detailing exactly who had ordered the evaluation and

what it was supposed to include, who had paid for it, what legal constraints were placed upon it. Then there was a page with

big bold letters at the top: RECOMMENDATIONS.

The custodial placement that would best serve the interests of the child regarding the child’s health, safety and welfare,

and safety of all family members is:

Physical Custody: Mother ??

Legal Custody: Mother ??

I gasped and continued scrolling, desperate to read more, to understand what it meant, if it was binding. Toward the end, the form-like structure fell away and there was a written report.

I was appointed by the court at the request of the child “Bodhi Millet’s” Father “Mark Gable” to assess the psychological

fitness and ability to parent of “Bodhi’s” Mother “Margo Millet.” In the event that “Margo” is found psychologically fit,

Father “Mark” asks she retain full legal and physical custody. “Margo” also wants to retain full legal and physical custody,

significantly simplifying the question the court was posing when it commissioned the report: Is “Margo Millet” able to provide

a healthy and safe environment for “Bodhi”? And in the event she is not, what would the best environment for “Bodhi” be?

To assess “Margo’s” psychological profile, I utilized the MMPI-2 administered at my offices on January 28, 2019. “Margo” scored

within normal range on nine of ten scales, with a high score (63) just out of normal range on Scale 5 Masculinity/Femininity.

On Content Scales “Margo” measured high-normal DEP indicating some depressive thoughts/tendencies, as well as high-normal

CYN indicating underlying cynicism and misanthropic beliefs. The APS Scale does indicate a personality type associated with

substance abuse, but “Margo” has no known substance abuse problems, though addiction does run in her family. (Full Results

Attached)

“Margo” lives in a four-bedroom apartment with Child “Bodhi,” Grandfather “James” and roommate “Suzanne.” Grandfather “James”

is in the process of moving to his own apartment and will no longer be living with “Margo.” He is currently in recovery from

opiate addiction and is enrolled in a methadone treatment protocol. When interviewed, his doctor said he has not yet missed

a dose and approaches his recovery with appropriate seriousness.

“Margo” was “Mark’s” student in a college course titled “ENG 121: Unnatural Voices: Taking Narration to the Edge” in the fall of 2017 at Fullerton College. “Mark” initiated the affair. At the time “Margo” was nineteen and “Mark” was thirty-seven. He was married at that time to “Sarah Gable,” with whom he has two children “Hailey” and “Max.” His affair with “Margo” lasted approximately six weeks, during which time “Margo” became pregnant and decided to keep the baby. “Mark” did not want to be involved in the child’s life at that time.

“Mark” and his wife “Sarah” are currently in divorce proceedings and in mediation for custody of their two children “Hailey”

and “Max.” “Mark” has no permanent domicile and is currently staying with his mother “Elizabeth.” He has provisional weekend

custody of “Hailey” and “Max.” He has positive relationships with both, and “Sarah” has not reported any concerns of abuse.

He has retained his job at Fullerton College despite the affair and is financially stable.

“Margo’s” pregnancy was healthy, and her medical records indicate no evidence of substance abuse, despite the hospital keeping

“Margo” an extra twenty-four hours to run an additional drug panel when the first came back negative. “Bodhi” was born with

no health complications at a normal-low birth weight of 6 lbs.

In addition to the MMPI-2, I interviewed “Margo” at my office on February 2, 2019. “Margo” arrived on time and in appropriate

attire. She appeared clean and groomed, her speech was clear, her mannerisms were not unusual, and her eye contact was within

normal limits. Her intellectual-cognitive functioning is high, and she is able to express herself verbally with ease. “Margo”

appears to be able to accurately perceive the world around her, presenting others, even those with whom she has conflict,

in a nuanced way.

“Margo” has a moderately impaired self-concept and consistently estimates herself to be both superior to and inferior to others. She is conflicted about her identity and role in the adult world and attempts to shield her vulnerability with an affected attitude of power and dominance. She is currently experiencing manageable levels of anxiety and depression, though these feelings center primarily on the custody dispute and her relationship with her mother. “Margo’s” emotional regulation is appropriate to her young age, and while she did begin to cry at multiple points in the interview, she was able to calm herself and remain in control of her behavior.

“Margo’s” educational transcripts and SAT scores indicate above average intellectual ability. However she dropped out of Fullerton

College and seems to have no further educational ambitions. It should be noted that she dropped out at the request of Father

“Mark” and grandmother “Elizabeth,” who asked her to sign an NDA keeping “Mark’s” parentage a secret. “Margo” signed this

agreement and abided by its terms and in exchange received $15,000 as well as a trust for child “Bodhi” in the amount of $50,000.

“Margo” is currently working as a social media personality on OnlyFans and TikTok. OnlyFans is a website catering to adult

clientele that offers sexual content. “Mark’s” concern over “Bodhi’s” welfare centers almost exclusively around her work on

OnlyFans. Her work is not illegal and pays extremely well, allowing her to work from home and provide full-time care to Bodhi.

It is well established that sex work is highly correlated with negative psychological outcomes, with those at-risk populations

more likely to suffer from depression, mood disorders, and suicidal ideation. “Margo” displays none of these behaviors, but

it is a risk that comes with her chosen work that cannot be overlooked, especially considering her potential for addiction,

young age, and tendencies toward depression. While she has plans to segue into real estate, her financial future remains uncertain

and will certainly continue to provide a source of stress.

As part of my evaluation, I performed a Parent-Child Observation at “Margo’s” apartment. The apartment was clean and well-kept,

and “Margo’s” speech was unimpaired, nor were there signs in her gait or mannerisms of alcohol or drug use. I watched her

feed Bodhi dinner, give him a bath, and get him ready for sleep.

“Margo” displays high levels of positive affectivity, involvement and responsiveness in her interactions with “Bodhi,” using nonverbal behaviors like smiling, nodding, and laughing to express care, in addition to verbal communication that included room for “Bodhi” to respond.

“Margo” was adept at setting up adequate structure for “Bodhi,” as well as managing his frustration or excitement and soothing

him when necessary. During dinner, she allowed “Bodhi” to feed himself with his hands despite it being very messy. During

bath time she had proper safety precautions in place and was alert to his safety in the water while still allowing him to

explore and take physical risks. This kind of high-care, low-control approach has been found in numerous studies to be optimal.

“Bodhi” appears to have a flexible temperament with some active child characteristics. He is physically at ease with Margo

and responds to her touch and verbal praise, showing signs of pleasure like smiling, laughing, and clapping. His babbling

and physical coordination are normal for his age. His pediatrician (letter attached) has no concerns regarding his health

or “Margo’s” ability to parent, and in fact described her as “overly conscientious.”

“Margo” is currently under investigation by Child Protective Services. When contacted, CPS indicated that they would not be

concluding their investigation within a timeframe convenient to this custody proceeding. Since there were no signs of abuse

or neglect in my own investigation, I decided it would be imprudent to wait, but I am happy to provide an addendum once their

findings are made available. This report is also being provided to CPS for their investigation.

From everything I have seen, “Margo” is psychologically fit to retain Full Legal and Physical Custody of “Bodhi” and there are no signs of abuse, neglect, or harm. Margo currently has custody of “Bodhi.” Because the CPS investigation is ongoing, it is customary for custody disputes to be suspended until the investigation is resolved, but because “Margo” currently has custody of “Bodhi” and both “Mark” and “Margo” wish her to retain it pending acceptance of this report, no further action need be taken. In the event of a CPS finding contraindicating this report, custody will be reevaluated through the standard mechanisms.

It is my recommendation that “Mark” be allowed once weekly visitation should he so choose and that he pay child support in

keeping with his income for one year, at which point the situation can be reevaluated as Mark’s domestic living arrangement

becomes stable and the psychological toll, if any, of Margo’s employment becomes more apparent.

I was overjoyed, though it was also creepy as hell to read about myself in this way, and by the end I felt a little sick.

I was still surrounded by tiny piles of folded Bodhi clothes. I wasn’t sure what to do next, if I should finish balling his

tiny socks or call Ward. Right then, Bodhi woke up, and his wails came tiny yet loud through the baby monitor. I went to him

and changed him. He was in a giggly mood. There really was no greater delight on Earth than a well-slept baby. I blew raspberries

on his tummy as he shrieked, and when I stopped, we were both panting and looking at each other and smiling, and I thought

in a robot voice: This kind of high-care, low-control approach has been found in numerous studies to be optimal.

I was proud. I mean, “optimal”? I would take it.

I was also thinking that if it was Shyanne who’d called CPS, then it wasn’t Mark, and that shifted things. And with Dr. Sharp’s

report, there was a good chance we could keep this from going to court. I needed to know exactly what I was dealing with.