Page 33

Rowan

ONE YEAR AGO

I hate coming back home.

It’s not that I don’t like my hometown—it’s more what comes along with it. It can never be a peaceful visit. Instead, it’s always filled with drama of some sort. My parents typically end up arguing about something minute and my brother is a fucking loose cannon. My sister doesn’t even like to come back anymore and with how goddamn exhausting it is here, I’m not so sure I blame her.

Raven left as soon as she turned 18 and I was right behind her two years later. The two of us went on to play hockey professionally and Raven was now an assistant coach for the Bears. Our parents tried to get Beau to play hockey at a young age, but he was never really into it. He has always had his own agenda with everything he does and Beau Taylor lives life by the seat of his pants.

He’s four years younger than me, six years younger than Raven and he’s always been a wild card. He hit the mental illness branch of the family tree and put our parents through hell in high school. His lows can be so goddamn low and his highs frighteningly high, sometimes you aren’t so sure he’s going to come down.

When he’s compliant with his medications, like he has been the past few years, life with him isn’t so bad. He can be an abrasive asshole, but he’s present in the moment. You can hold a conversation with him without him going on a tangent or freaking out about something. By the skin of his teeth, he managed to graduate college and moved into his own apartment fifteen minutes from our hometown.

“I love this new vase you made,” my mother says, setting the piece of pottery down on the center of the table. “Have you heard from your brother at all?”

I glance at my mom as I finish drying a dish and set it down on the counter beneath the cabinet it’s supposed to go in. Something resembling dread rolls in the pit of my stomach. “No. I texted him when I was boarding my plane but he didn’t respond.” Which also wasn’t uncommon from him. “I figured he was just coming tomorrow morning.”

Beau and I aren’t exactly close and we never really were. It’s not easy to have a relationship with someone who doesn’t fucking like you. He’s always had a chip on his shoulder towards Raven and I, making his dislike of us known. When we were growing up, he always blamed us for everything and played the victim, refusing to take responsibility for the fucked up things he’s done.

I tried to help my brother, but he just kept pushing back. At some point, you get tired of bailing someone out who would never extend the same favor to you.

It’s been a few years since all three Taylor kids were home for Christmas and I can’t help but feeling jealous of Rae for being the one who gets the free pass to not show. Last year, she was sick. This year, she’s blaming it on work.

She’s not the only one who works for a professional hockey team. I know her excuses are bullshit, but I don’t call her out on it.

“Beau said he was going to come by tonight. He finally wanted us to officially meet his girlfriend.”

How he ended up with Hadley Reed is still a mystery to me. She grew up in the same town as us, although she’s two years younger than me, so the two of us were never close. I know her well enough to know she’s a seemingly good person. Beau and her started dating about six months ago and it seems like she’s been helping to keep him on the straight and narrow.

“When was the last time you talked to him?”

My mother opens her phone, tapping on the screen as her brow furrows. “I talked to him at 10:30,” she says, her eyes lifting back to mine as she locks the screen and sets it down on the counter. “He said they would be over after dinner, but it’s almost nine now. I would have imagined they’d be here sooner.”

I watch her as she picks up her phone, unlocking the screen once again before she scrolls through her phone. She taps on it, lifting it up to her ear as she tries to call him. I can hear it through the speaker pressed to the side of her face as it immediately goes to voicemail. “Did you try calling him earlier?”

“I did,” she nods, worry invading her blue irises. “His phone was still on then, but it seems like he’s turned it off.” I know she’s concerned and it’s hard not to be, although none of this is uncommon for my brother. Beau has disappeared for months at a time while off his meds and lost in a bottle of alcohol. “He’s been doing so well, Rowan.”

“I know, Mom,” I tell her, my voice soft as my heart breaks for my mother. It’s easier for me to have a hard exterior towards my brother. I’m not the one who gave birth to him and raised him. I was merely a bystander in Beau’s shit show of a life. “I’ll drive by his house and see what’s going on.”

Her expression is unreadable, but I don’t miss the appreciation in her eyes. “Thank you, hon,” she says quietly, her lips pursing as she reaches for me, her hand squeezing mine. “Take my car.”

“I’ll be back in a little bit,” I tell her, nodding as a mix of emotions sweeps through me. Sadness for my mother and a myriad of things towards Beau. For once—just one fucking time—could he make this woman’s life a little easier?

I head out into the garage, climbing into the sedan before pressing the button to lift the garage door open. As I ease out into the driveway, I pull out my phone, opening up my messages as I tap on my sister’s name.

Rowan

Be glad you didn’t come home again.

Raven

What did Beau do now?

You know what, I don’t even want to know.

Rowan

Just do me a favor and remind me to be busy next year.

Raven

Deal.

Tucking my phone back in my pocket, I head in the direction of my brother’s apartment, trying to ignore the nagging dread rolling in my stomach. This isn’t like the last time. Beau’s phone died and time slipped away from him. He didn’t decide to go off his meds again and joyride across the country while drinking himself into a stupor and maxing out credit cards.

I push the memories away, focusing on the road for the next thirteen minutes while chewing on the inside of my cheek until it’s raw. I faintly taste blood as I pull up along the curb out front, an exaggerated sigh escaping me as I put the car in park and kill the engine. My footsteps are heavy, yet rushed as I stride to the front door.

It’s supposed to be shut and locked, but it’s open ajar and I slip inside, not stopping until I reach the elevator. He lives on the fourth floor and the car is beginning its descent down to the lobby. As the doors slide open, I see it's open and I head up to Beau’s floor, my heart pounding erratically in my chest. It feels like the longest ride of my life.

I head out into the hallway and there’s a loud bang echoing throughout the building. I glance around the common area, glancing between the three apartment doors, as if I’m waiting to hear the sound again, trying to figure out where it was coming from. It doesn’t take rocket science to figure out it came from the middle one. 402. My brother’s apartment.

The door flies open and a flurry of auburn hair comes whipping out as she slams it shut behind her. She doesn’t see me at first, tears streaking down the sides of her face as she tucks her chin in against her chest. I’m silent as I watch her, assessing the moment as her chest heaves. She sucks in a deep breath, exhaling slowly as she wipes the tears away from her cheeks.

Her chin lifts, her eyes widening as she sees me standing a few feet in front of her. “Rowan?”

“Is everything okay?”

Her nostrils flare, her bottom lip quivering before a harsh laugh escapes her. “It depends on who you ask.” She wipes at her nose, shaking her head as she pushes away from the door. “Your brother seems to be doing just fine.”

My eyebrows tug downward, a crease forming between them as I corkscrew my lips. I’m so goddamn confused, I don’t even know what piece of this puzzle to touch first. “He’s okay?”

“Oh, he’s great,” she says, waving her hand as pain washes over her irises. “He’s getting ready to head to the airport.”

Confusion only grows within me as the door behind her opens. Hadley jumps towards me, her body practically colliding into mine as she moves away at lightning speed. My hands instinctively wrap around her biceps, my gaze meeting my brother’s over top of Hadley’s head.

Beau narrows his eyes as a cruel smirk lifts the corners of his lips. “Well, this is cute. Look at you cleaning up after me.” His behavior isn’t shocking and it’s a sure indicator that he has in fact fallen off the wagon. “One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”

“Watch it, Beau,” I warn him, a bite in my tone as I push Hadley behind me. “You may be my brother, but I won’t hesitate to put you on your ass if you keep saying stupid shit.”

“Ooh,” he half sneers, lifting his hands as he makes them look like he’s trembling. “I’m shaking in my boots.” He rolls his eyes, pulling his door shut behind him as he looks around me at Hadley. “He’s the better pick anyways.” Beau moves past the two of us, walking directly to the elevator.

“Where are you going?” I question him, my feet moving as I step up behind him. I hate that this is the relationship I have with my brother. I’ve always hated it. “Are you off your meds again?”

He lets out a heavy breath. “Jesus Christ, you sound just like everyone else.” He spins on his heel, his gaze like a laser point on mine. He doesn’t answer my question and that’s the confirmation I need. “I can live my life however the hell I want, Rowan.”

“I don’t give a fuck how you live your life, Beau. I’m here for Mom, not for you and definitely not for me,” I tell him, my tone clipped as I cross my arms over my chest. “You told her you were coming after dinner and then your phone was off and she was worried.”

“And she just had to send her star son to come check on the degenerate.” He lets out another harsh laugh, the sound like sandpaper against my eardrums. “I’m fine, Rowan. I’ll call Mom on my way to the airport so she can hear it from me.” He sets his jaw, shoving his foot between the elevator doors. “Is that good enough for you?”

My nostrils flare as I stare back at Beau. “Perfect.”

Beau doesn’t give either of us a second glance or another word as he steps into the car, the doors shutting behind him. The silence hangs heavily in the air and I let out a frustrated breath as I’m acutely aware of Hadley standing behind me.

“I know he’s your brother, but he’s an asshole.”

I slowly turn around, a ghost of a smile dancing across my lips. “I use the term brother loosely for him.” My eyes scan her face, seeing the conflict written all over her expression. “Where is he going?”

“He said there’s nothing here for him in this town. Someone named Darcy said he can come stay with her in Boston. He basically thanked me for my time and told me ours was up.”

Boston? Darcy?

I have no fucking clue who she is or what could possibly be there to make him throw everything away like this. Unfortunately, this is Beau. This is what Beau does.

And no one can stop him from doing what he wants.

“I don’t know how I could have been so stupid.” She shakes her head, her gaze dropping down to her feet. “He knows how to be charming and I fell for the charade like a fucking idiot.”

I can’t help myself as I step towards her. My forefinger slides under her chin, tipping her head back to look up at me. “Hey, no, stop,” I tell her, my voice soft as I lift my other hand to brush away her tears. “This is what Beau does. He uses people and then when they’ve served their purpose, he discards them like trash.”

Anger runs through my veins. This isn’t the first time Beau has broken someone’s heart and it’s not the first time I’ve had to explain to them that it’s not them.

“He has issues—a lot of fucking issues—and not a single one is your fault or has anything to do with you.” I swallow roughly, the painful reminder lodging itself in my throat. “Not everyone is a problem you can fix. You can’t help someone who doesn’t want to help themselves.”

Hadley stares up at me, hope shimmering behind the pain in her chocolate brown irises. “Thank you for saying that, Rowan,” she practically whispers, a soft smile cresting her lips. “He was very forthcoming about his struggles with bipolar disorder and something in me thought I could help him.” She pauses, letting out an exhale. “It’s just reassuring to hear it from someone else.”

“Do you want my advice?”

She pulls in her bottom lip, biting down as she nods. “Please.”

“You leave all of this in your past. You forget about Beau, you heal and you move on.” My tongue darting out to wet my lips, her gaze dropping down to my mouth before bouncing back to my eyes. “And you do not look back.”

“You’re right,” she agrees, confidence washing over her expression as she pushes her shoulders back, straightening my spine. “He was not the one for me. He was just a lesson for me to learn.”

I can’t help the guilt that floods me. My brother should come with a warning label for anyone who crosses his path. I hope one day he can find happiness and something to settle his soul, but it’s not something he was ever going to find in Hadley Reed. She’s too good for someone like him.

“Come on,” I say softly, my hand dropping away from her as I motion towards the elevator. “I’ll walk you out.”

She’s quiet and I give her the silence as we ride down to the lobby. She collects herself, zipping up her coat as we walk through the foyer to the front door. Her eyes meet mine, a smile on her lips as I hold open the door for her.

“Thanks again, Rowan,” she says, nodding at me as we stop in front of the building. “I know you didn’t want to come check on him, but I’m glad I ran into you.”

I stare at her, my tongue tangling as I stare down at her. My brother’s an idiot—a goddamn fucking fool. He was never deserving of someone like her. “Me too.”

“Merry Christmas,” she tells me, spinning on her heel as she begins to walk away. She gets ten feet away before I start walking after her.

“Hey, Hadley?” I call out, the cool breeze carrying her name with it.

She slowly turns around, her nose already red and her cheeks pink. “Yeah?”

My phone is already in my hand, a new message opened as I hand it to her. “Send yourself a text from my phone.”

She takes it from me with hesitation, her eyes dropping to the screen as she types in her number and sends my name in a text to herself. She hands it back to me, her gaze colliding with mine as she tilts her head to the side, her lips parting with a question lingering on her tongue, but she doesn’t say anything.

“If you ever find yourself in Aston, let me know,” I tell her, tucking my phone into my pocket.

A gentle smile drifts across her lips. “Okay.”

“Goodnight, Hadley Reed.”

Her eyes shine brightly under the moon, hues of brown and gold swirling together. “Goodnight, Rowan Taylor.”