Page 94 of Make Me Pretty

I blink down at our joined hands before peering up. “You’re… not?”

“No, of course not. You were both being safe, weren’t you?” I nearly choke on my spit. Peris and I have never once been safe in each other’s proximity. But…oh, Jesus fuck, don’t tell me she’s talking about condoms or something.

I cannot have this conversation right now.

“Uh… what do you mean?” My voice hikes a few decibels at the end, making me wince.

“Well, he didn’t drink and drive, did he?”

“What?” I rear back, blinking rapidly. And then, it all comes rushing back. The conversation in the gym. Theparty.

“Oh.” I blink owlishly. “Yeah, no. We didn’t even go.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, we just…” My lips curl to the side in a soft smirk. “We just drove around and listened to music.” We didn’t talk for… fuck. Probably hours. Just an endless road of gravel and pavement and music with our shared breathing and clangorous thoughts.

“You’re not worthless. Not to me.”

Those words, spoken gruffly and burned with sleep, trickle through the forefront of my mind on an endless stream,

Fuck you, Peris. Why’d you have to say that?

“Well, that makes me much happier than thinking of you guys at a party getting drunk. I’m so glad I have responsible kids.” She shoots me a wink, and I choke on the casual way she just called me her kid.

“Y-your kid?” I stutter, choking on the onslaught of emotions I’m about to puke up. She’s called me her boy before but not… Nothing too blatant.

Her smile is soft and knowing.

She’s always known, I think.

Whatis itabout this woman that’s just so… so good?!

“Of course, Abel. I’ve loved you for a long time. Probably since that night in the E.R. You’re a beautiful, brilliant kid. And you’re strong.Resilient.I know I don’t know much of anything you’ve gone through, but you must know by now that you have a home here, with us?”

Shesounds vulnerable, and fuck me if that doesn’t fuck everything up inside.

“Y-yeah, I do. I do,” I say, firmer. Trying to convince myself, I think—and her, too.

“Good.” Her eyes shine with unshed tears, and I can’t take it. I finally look away, back down at my disheveled form.Just spit it out.

You need to know.

“What about, erm. Me and Peris.” My face burns with sharp pinpricks.

“What? The accidental cuddling?”

I cough and splutter a bit. “Uh, yeah.” I wrinkle my nose for show.

She shrugs and takes another drink. “I don’t really care. I’m honestly just happy y’all are starting to get along.” She scrunches her nose before her eyes squint. “But that’s all it is, right? Brotherly affection.”

This time, I choke on air, curling over the table as I hammer against my chest. It doesn’t help that my mouth is as dry as the desert and tastes like fucking ass. But I know what ass tastes like and this—this isdeath.

Like something crawled inside my mouth, curled up, anddiedthere. “Can I get some coffee?”

Elise waves at me. “Duh.”

It’s not until my back is to her that I can face her question. When she can’t see my face or the way it physically hurts to lie to her.