CHAPTER FOUR
MANE
Dad has a way of making me feel like a child. When we’re at odds with one another, I usually end up sulking because I don’t get to say my piece. What Gunner says is always right in his opinion, nobody else can have an opposing perspective to his on whatever the topic is without it becoming a full-blown confrontation—it’s ridiculous. Sometimes I wonder how my mom has dealt with it all these years, because it drives me absolutely batshit crazy!
He brings out the immaturity in me and it’s an attribute I’d prefer not to have. How is it that I can guide people through these sorts of scenarios and situations but can’t take my own advice or use the tools taught to me in school?
Because it’s your dad, my mind whispers. You’ve been raised to respect your elders and that includes him.
Sighing, I realize that it’s always going to be difficult to maintain a semblance of peace, because my natural reaction is to rebel against any of his restraints on me, but the other part wants to comply since he is my father. The problem is, the older he gets, the worse his obsession about my safety becomes.
“I know you guys had to live in an underground town for a while due to some enemies,” Mason states as we walk toward the clubhouse. “Maybe that’s why he and all your uncles are so… overprotective?”
“Overbearing, you mean?” I retort, the snarkiness of my tone letting him know that I’m still peeved at how my dad was behaving.
“That’s probably true as well,” Mason muses. “Still, if he didn’t love you, he wouldn’t care, Mane. Keep that in mind. There are parents who, when their kid turns eighteen, they kind of let them falter.”
“That’s what we’re supposed to do, Mase. We’re supposed to fuck up, make monumental mistakes, and then learn from them and figure out how to fix those things on our own. I don’t get that chance. My father or one of my uncles steps in every single time. How am I supposed to do what most young adults do when they’re always taking over? It makes me crazy, and sometimes, I wanna move far far away.”
“I don’t think you’d get too far away, beauty. Family means everything to you, otherwise you’d have left a long time ago.”
“It’s not really about going away or leaving home, I have responsibilities here that I don’t take lightly, it's more about putting distance between me and everybody who thinks they have the right to rule my life,” I excuse.
“I can see why you'd feel you need some time away,” he acknowledges. “You carry a lot of burdens on your shoulders.”
I snort out loud before telling him, “You have no idea, and I think you're the first person that's ever truly recognized that.”
“I wanna correct you right there. I don't think I'm the first one that's ever recognized it. I think I'm the first one that's ever acknowledged it and said it out loud.” That’s said at the moment we arrive at his doorway. “I'm not making excuses for Gunner but think about it coming from his point of view.” He pauses, twisting his torso to where he’s facing me, and leans forward, brushing his lips across mine. “You're his daughter, his first born and I would like to think one day when I become a dad that I'll be reasonable and be able to let my girl spread her wings and fly. But y'all have had a lot happen in your lifetime. Give the man some room for error. It has to be hard leading a club full of jokesters and protecting his family against enemies. I can’t imagine coming home and being able to separate the two.”
“Logically, I know you're right, but it's hard for me to isolate the woman I am now from the child that I used to be. I know here,” I say, pointing to my head, “that my dad is a natural born protector and that he doesn't like to see any of the club kids fall. I think it gives him anxiety. However, with that being said, there are some things that can’t be doctored and bandaged, Mason. I don’t fight him when he picks me up and dusts me off, it’s when he bulldozes his way in and takes the lead that causes my temper to flare.”
Mason licks his lips and looks upward, his eyes scan the tiles as if the ceiling will have the answers he’s seeking. “I was more of a latch key kid so I’m not sure what I can say that’ll help you navigate your feelings or how to handle situations with Gunner. But I will say, kids like me who had to come home to an empty house then make sure that his siblings got their after school snack, did their homework, picked up the house, and was tasked with starting dinner before worrying about himself, we would’ve given anything to have an ounce of what you had. Don’t get me wrong, Mane, my parents loved us, but they both had to work dual jobs in order to keep a roof over our head, bills paid, and our bellies full.” As I go to respond, he takes both of my hands in his and peers into my soul through our locked eyes. “Just take some time for yourself and digest what I shared. Try to remember everything he and the rest of the men went through to make sure he was a key component in your life. I may not know him well, but even I can see the sacrifices he’s made to make sure that you have a bright future.”
* * *
After Mason shared all of that with me, he really made me think. We didn't share a word between us while I helped him unpack his belongings and put all of his things away. Past events play through my mind like a picture wheel as I consider the fact that I may not have been fair to my dad all along. Yeah, he could handle things differently, but then again, so could I.
Sucks when there are times that something slaps you in the face and you have to step back so you can reevaluate. Maybe Dad and I should sit down and have a talk, set some ground rules, and figure out how we can improve our father/daughter relationship. He's the first man to ever own my heart, and I know, at the end of the day, he'll be the last one as well. I’m not sure how well he’ll do with boundaries since he’s the type of man to crash through a door if someone’s in trouble, but it’s a start.
The thought that keeps ruminating through my brain is, have I been too hard on him? Have I blown things out of proportion? Have I put a divide between the two of us, and if I have, can I fix it? As my thoughts go round and round, I begin to feel a migraine take root in my head.
“You’re thinking too hard,” Mason says as he brings the last of his bathroom essentials in and sets them on the sink’s counter.
“I’m reassessing,” I justify. He gives me a smile through the mirror and I begin unpacking his toothbrush, paste, and shower stuff. Once everything is in order, I meet him in the bedroom, which is attached to his bathroom, and we exit together.
“You gonna be alright being around your dad? Or are you going to need more time to figure things out in your head?” Mason asks as we trek down the stairs and enter the main room.
“I’m good. Dad and I, sometimes we’re complicated, but the one thing I can say is that we never stay upset with each other for long. He’s already forgiven, I just wish he’d think before acting. He and my uncles are worse than toddlers sometimes,” I joke.
“Most men I know act that way,” Ella interjects, Hydro’s arm wrapped around her waist. “But they have a valid excuse.”
“Do I even want to know what that is?” Hydro asks, his brows raised with skepticism.
Ella sends him a mischievous smile before saying, “Y’all’s brains don’t develop and mature until you’re halfway through life.”
“She’s right,” I add. “It’s a scientifically proven fact.”
“You’re a brat,” Hydro tells Ella, pinching her ass.
“Hang on,” Ella says, leaving the comfort of Hydro’s arms and heading over to the mirror hung up behind the bar. “Yep, my horns are still holding up my halo so calling me a brat shouldn’t be the best you can come up with.”
“Demoness is more like it,” Bruiser insists, snickering as he walks up to where we’re huddled. “You’ve always had those horns, but the halo is new.”
“It’s always been there,” Ella argues. “You’re just too dimwitted to see it.”
“Did you just call me stupid, Ella?” Bruiser asks, looking affronted even though I know he’s not. Nothing ever gets to him unless you’re the bunny bitch in the cellar who poked holes in the condom and ended up knocked up. That entire thing is fucked up. I can’t believe our club doctor led that implosive revolt.
“If the shoe fits, wear it,” Ella snarks, grinning at Bruiser.
“Brother, help me out,” Bruiser pleads, staring at Hydro. “You gonna let your old lady disrespect me like that?”
Hydro holds his hands up and shakes his head. “You’re on your own, brother. You started it so be man enough to deal with the outcome.”
“Thanks, pres,” Bruiser spits out, and when Hydro turns his head to look at Mason, Ella sticks her tongue out at our cousin. I’m waiting for her to pull out one of her old moves, stick her thumbs in her ears and wave the remaining fingers through the air. That’s something that used to irritate the shit out of Bruiser when we were children.
He points a finger at her and squints his eyes before mouthing, “Payback’s a bitch.”
Ella, in true Ella fashion, begins bobbing her hips and flailing her arms through the air in an ‘I’m so scared,’ motion. Not wanting to be dragged into any of their childishness, I reach down, grab Mason’s belt loop and pull him out of the group he’s standing with… i.e., the men, and sprint away as fast as I can while towing him behind me.
“Why are we running?” he asks as we walk through the kitchen and out the back door.
“Because that is fixing to turn into a free for all, and I’ve grown up with them so I know how it’s fixing to play out and want no part in it,” I explain.
“It gets worse than that?” he questions, looking over at me as if he doesn’t believe me because adults don’t revert to five year olds in the world he comes from.
“Trust me, you have no idea how bad it’s probably gonna get,” I retort. “Name calling, wet willies, wedgies, you name it and it’ll likely happen.”
He grins and starts to turn. “Maybe I need to see that since I don’t remember acting like that with my siblings.”
“No, no you don’t.” I reach out and grab the waisted area of his jeans that have the button and zipper and pull him back toward me. “Trust me, it won’t be the last time you’ll see someone act that way, but when those two get started, shit gets unnaturally childish and I’d prefer your first impression of my cousins not to be that.”
What I leave out is the fact that a lot of the damn adults do the same way. I guess it comes from everyone being together for so long.
“Those actions won’t put me off your family, Mane. It’s what family does, yank each other’s chains to get a reaction.”
“I’ll have to take your word for that,” I say with all the sincerity I can muster. My family isn’t traditionally normal, joking with one another and pulling pranks is how we deal with the stress of our everyday life. But since he seems determined not to let them push him out the door, I can’t wait to see how he fits in with the dynamics of my family and the club.