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Cerberus continued to stare, immobile as a statue, with every indication of being on high alert.

Until it made up its mind that the lions were not the variety of intruders who should be discouraged from entering.

It dragged the heavy chains that hung from its collars to the side of the cave entrance, flopped down, and rested its heads on its paws.

“Well. Either it thinks we’re not much of a threat,” Keir said. “Or it’s decided we’re unworthy and belong here.”

“Either way. ‘Tis downright insultin’.”

Keir sighed. “I have to agree.”

As they began their slow and deliberate approach Keir was thinking about the famous quote from Dante. All ye who enter here, abandon all hope. He brushed the thought aside, but not soon enough to prevent the chill that raised down his spine, raising goosebumps along the way.

Cerberus never took his six eyes off them. It showed no sign of aggression, but Keir and Killian gave it the widest berth possible nonetheless.

“Honestly,” Killian said, “I’m feelin’ kind of sorry for it. It looks sad. Bored. And lonely.”

Cerberus raised his heads then, to the amazement of the lions, one of them said, “Us? You pity us?”

Keir and Killian froze in their tracks. Both searched their memories and couldn’t remember a single reference citing the famed monster speaking.

“Em,” said Killian. “I was referrin’ to yerself. No offense was intended.”

“We did not take offense,” said Cerberus. “Truthfully, we are sad, bored, and lonely. We’ve not been directly addressed by anyone for, well, we can’t even remember the last time.”

Killian was thinking that, technically, he hadn’t addressed Cerberus either. The monster had been eavesdropping.

“Do you call yourselves Cerberus?” Keir asked.

“No. That’s what others call us.”

“Might I ask your name then?” Keir pressed.

“Our true name is Exscruffenrox.”

“A fine name,” Keir replied.

“Thank you,” it said.

“Might I also ask if you know what happened to our brother?”

“Brother? Oh. The one already within.”

“Yes.”

“Well, yes. He’s within.”

“What I meant to ask is this. Can you give us any helpful information on what to expect?”

“Are you lost? You must be lost. This is the Land of the Unworthy Dead.”

“We know.”

“In all the long passage of time we’ve been here watching, never before has someone worthy sought to enter.”

“I have no reason to doubt you, but why then are you posted as guard?”

“A very good question. One we’ve asked ourselves a million times.”

The fact that the monster was chained was evidence enough that someone with immense power intended for him to stay put. But the purpose was a mystery to both Cerberus and the sephalia.

“Was it, perhaps, some kind of punishment? Did you anger one of the gods?”

All three heads sighed in unison. “We’d like to answer you truthfully, but it’s been so long we don’t remember.”

“Well, as to being lost, we’d both much prefer to be elsewhere - anywhere else really - but our brother has been sent on quest to save the woman he loves. We’re accompanying him, hoping to keep him alive and well.”

“We see. Who sent you on this quest?”

“Cardinals.”

One of the heads nodded independently.

“I’ll tell you what,” Keir said. “Help us, all three of us, return to the barge unharmed, and I will free you.”

“KEIR!!!” Killian’s voice was shot with alarm, all trace of drunkenness gone in an instant of panic. “YOU CAN’T!”

“Why not?” he asked Killian.

Killian stepped close to Keir as if he could speak without Exscruffenrox hearing. “Because whoever put it here has a world of power more than we do.”

“It was probably Hades.”

“Probably.”

“I’m betting that whatever happened has been long forgotten by the jailer as well.”

“’Tis a very risky bet, brother. One that could cost you your life.”

“It could be a thousand years before anybody reports he’s off the chain. If ever.”

“Like I said, risky, risky, risky business.”

Keir turned back to Exscruffenrox. “Do you have the ability to help us find our brother and get back to the barge?”

All three heads jerked up at attention, pointed ears pointed at the sky. “This is as much as we know.”

“Unsure what you mean?” Keir said.

“We can tell you what happens when the boatman arrives. The damned souls are pushed onto shore then sucked inside. We’ve never been inside.”

“Oh.”

“But we believe we can still be of help. If for no other reason than that we can’t be harmed by what’s there.”

“How do you know?”

“Because many have tried.”

“Really?”

“Yes. We suggest they return the way they came.”

Keir and Killian looked at each other as if to say, Ohhhhhh . The monster’s purpose wasn’t to prevent entry. It was to prevent escape. In that case, removing him from his post might be a problem.

“But even if someone escaped… They wouldn’t be in corporal form. Right?”

After a slight pause, Exscruffenrox said, “They would be as you are now.”

Keir and Killian looked at each other closely. The lack of light compromised the visual acuity of even sephalia, but still. On close examination, they could see their bodies were not altogether solid. They were semi-transparent versions of themselves.

“So,” Keir said, “escapees would be like ghosts. More or less.”

“Ghosts?” Exscruffenrox asked. “I suppose. Spirits of the dead are not solid.”

“No. More diaphanous. As we are now.” Killian said. “And unable to return without some kind of powerful intervention.”

Exscruffenrox didn’t reply to that because even monsters recognize rhetoric when they hear it.

“Alright. Tell me this. Even if an escapee got past you, they wouldn’t be able to board the barge to return to the Land of the Living. Right?”

“We must be truthful,” said Exscruffenrox.

“Best policy,” Keir agreed with an encouraging chin lift.

“We cannot be certain, but think you are right,” said Exscruffenrox’s left head.

“Excuse us for a moment,” said Keir.

He took a step toward Killian and said, “I believe my hypothesis is supported by the fact that the overseer specifically said we’d be intercepted and ‘revived’.

Without a person of sufficient status to intervene, souls trying to wander away could get no further than this beach. With or without a guard present.”

“How many different ways can I say big gamble ?” Killian asked.

“You’re the one who said you feel for the, uh, creature.”

“I’m a softie. Does no’ mean I’m able to rescue all downtrodden.”

“Of course not. But if everybody rescued just one…” Killian let his head drop back in anticipation that it was a fight he was going to lose. Rightly or wrongly, Keir took Killian’s lack of further protest as a surrender of sorts.

Keir wasn’t in the habit of vocalizing every thought, but it did occur to him that BOBO might object to the idea that a creature had been cruelly sentenced to a miserable life for eternity without even knowing why.

Though the Bureau preferred to avoid suing gods, because enforcement can be difficult, they wouldn’t prevent Max from bringing a suit if the case facts fit the parameters of the Bureau’s mission.

In fact, it was precisely this sort of practice that created the need for BOBO in the first place.

Having enforced countless courts under dozens of magistrates, Keir knew a sound case when he saw it.

And it didn’t hurt that he knew the judge.

“Exscruffenrox.” Keir addressed the monster by name.

“Yes?” he said.

“Can I trust you to keep your word?”

“Is that like a promise?”

“Exactly like a promise.”

“We will not make a promise unless we are able to keep it.”

“Very well. Then tell me the truth. If we unchain you, will you help us? Return to the barge alive? And I mean all three of us.”

Keir and Killian could both see the flames in Exscruffenrox’s eyes had intensified. The monster wanted freedom. Badly.

It stood statue-still and answered solemnly. “We will.”

Keir didn’t kid himself. He knew that even he, with his somewhat enhanced intuition, could be fooled. But, for whatever reason, he believed Exscruffenrox.

“Let’s say you were no longer held captive by this chain. What would you do?”

Exscruffenrox’s forehead wrinkled. “Leave?”

“Yes,” said Keir, “but how? You’re as big as the barge. You wouldn’t fit.”

“Maybe you should’ve thought about that before you got the poor thing’s hopes up.” Killian said

“Not helpful.”

“But true.”

The creature looked toward the river. “We can swim. We’re good at swimming.”

“How do you know?”

“We remember from before we were here.”

“But you don’t remember how you came to be here.”

“No.”

Under most circumstances, that would sound suspicious, but Keir’s faith in the monster’s honesty held.

“And you’ll not be harmed should you enter Styx?” Keir asked.

“We think not.”

“Let’s say you can follow the barge and swim to freedom. Will the Land of the Living accept you? Are you a creature of the Underworld who can’t leave here?”

“We… were not born here.”

“Well, ‘tis definitely a point in favor of believin’ it can leave,” Killian told Keir.

“Where would you go?” Keir pressed Exscruffenrox further even though in all the long centuries of his captivity the monster never dared imagine what it might do if freed.The question wasn’t a factor in the decision to help or not to help, Keir was just curious.

“We don’t know,” said Exscruffenrox. “But we think we’d be happier anywhere without chains. If we had someone to talk to sometimes, that would be nice.”

“Ye can no’ be thinkin’ of takin’ him home,” said Killian.

“Of course not. We already have dogs. But let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves. If it comes to helping Exscruffenrox relocate, like a witness protection program, I have an idea where he might go and be welcomed. Now. What do we have that could be used to break the chain?”

Keir’s gaze wandered to the torches that had, according to best guess, been created to burn eternally with an unseen, unknown fuel source. “Is your chain made of iron?” he asked Exscruffenrox. “Do you know?”

“Iron?” it asked. “Is that the thing fae don’t like?”