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CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

SYDNEY

A nxiety and nausea battle for dominance as we drive to the hospital. Seems they are my overriding emotions lately. Ever since Blake and Roman arrived on the scene, I’ve had to fight a pressing desire, a lust that has no boundaries and the devastating realisation that Pa might not be who I thought he was. I have tried to ignore the whispering and questioning voice inside my head that reminds me of Roman’s questions about my mother and who she was.

The more Roman reveals, the less confident I am that anything in my life is what I thought. According to Roman and Blake, my pa’s real name is Warren Burns and he stole Amos Kincaid’s identity. The McDonald’s breakfast we stopped to grab on the way is very close to coming back up. Maybe I’m not as strong as I thought because I’m certain I’ve almost reached my limit for revelations. I laugh internally at the irony to the Book of Revelation and the overthrowing of evil. I just never imagined that Pa would fall into the category of evil. He might not be the rapist and killer Roman and Blake thought, but he is guilty of living a lie. And god knows what else he’s done over the years to cover up his real identity.

As we pull into the hospital car park, clarity slaps me round the face, and I realise the reason we moved around so much was part of keeping Warren Burns hidden. But at what cost? And if Pa does know the man responsible for all these deaths, he has to share the guilt for them too.

And that thought is the most difficult to reconcile.

Even above my epic fall from grace into pure sin.

As we reach my pa’s floor, a doctor and a nurse are exiting his room, and I hurry forward wanting to get an update.

“Ah, Miss Kincaid, good timing.”

“How is he?”

The doctor places a placating hand on my arm momentarily. “He’s doing well. His latest scan shows the swelling around his brain has significantly decreased, and if he continues to improve, with no further complications, then he should be able to go home in a couple of days.”

I sigh in relief, but it’s short lived when I realise that he can’t go home alone while this guy is still out there.

“That’s great. Thank you. Can we…”

“Of course. Go ahead. But he may tire quickly, so don’t be alarmed if he falls asleep.”

The doctor and nurse head off down the corridor, and I face the door to Pa’s room. I blow out a deep breath, hesitant to go in there knowing the conversation we need to have.

“I know what you’re thinking. But one thing at a time,” Roman whispers into my ear from behind me.

I throw him a frown over my shoulder. “ ‘One thing at a time’ ? Yeah, that’s working so far,” I deadpan, then push into Pa’s room.

I’m pleased to see him sitting up, and he smiles when he sees me. But the smile falters as Roman and Blake come into view behind me. Something about his reaction irritates me and reminds me of what we are here for.

“Sydney,” he says as I take a seat in the only chair beside his bed. “Are you okay?”

I hold his gaze before finally answering. “No, Pa, I’m not.”

The spark from seeing me disappears from his eyes. “Sydn?—”

“No!” I cut him off. I don’t want his apology or excuses. I shore up my defence and think about all the women who have suffered because my pa kept quiet. “Someone set fire to my house and shot at us, Pa.” His eyes lift to Roman and Blake standing sentry behind me. “Don’t look at them. If it wasn’t for them, I’d be…” I shake the thought away. “You need to tell us who this guy is. You need to tell me everything.”

He pushes himself further up in the bed, trying to appear dominant from his submissive position. “You need to understand that I was trying to protect you.”

I’m shaking my head before he’s even finished his sentence. “Trying to protect me or yourself!” I fire back. “Warren Burns,” I add using his real name.

Shock splays across his face fleetingly before anger replaces it. “You told her?” he snaps at Roman.

“Yes, I told her,” Roman responds calmly. “You asked something of me that can only be achieved with honesty. Something you seem to have left behind with your old life.”

“This is not what we discussed,” Pa says, his tone furious.

I hear Roman step closer to me, and I watch as Pa’s eyes widen. With a quick glance over my shoulder, I see Blake’s hand on Roman’s arm, holding him, soothing his fury, whichever it is, Pa doesn’t like it. And I know why.

“We barely discussed anything, Kincaid. You asked me to protect you and your daughter with nothing more than your word and a useless fucking name in return. So you can shove your indignation and disapproval where the sun doesn’t shine.”

The beeping from the machine Pa is hooked up to increases, and I know if I don’t calm the situation we’ll be told to leave.

“How dare?—”

“Okay enough. Pa, you need to give us this man’s real name.”

Pa stares at me before lifting his gaze and taking in Blake then Roman. With a heavy sigh, he says, “His real name is John Charles Clark.”

“JC?” Roman questions.

Pa nods. “He was my best friend for years.”

“Your best friend who is supposed to be dead?” Blake asks, clearly not buying it.

“Yes. I thought he was dead too, for the first couple of years. Then a woman I had been seeing was murdered. Thankfully her daughter wasn’t there that night…” His sorrowful eyes meet mine, and my mind goes exactly where his words had intended. I’m shaking my head as he continues explaining. “I’m sorry, Sydney. I know I should have told you, but I?—”

“You said her daughter , so are you even my real father?” I hold my breath as I wait for him to answer. Out of everything that’s happened to me, especially the last couple of days, nothing has me more terrified than waiting to discover if I’m not even me.

“Of course, I’m your real father. How could you think otherwise?”

He sounds so surprised, and I laugh at the ridiculousness. “Maybe because you’ve been lying to me my whole life. It’s all been a fucking lie!” Blake wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me against his chest, and Pa’s eyes narrow at the intimacy. “Oh wow!” I let out a disbelieving laugh. “Don’t you dare sit there and judge me. All these years of you lecturing me, the disapproval and disappointment, making me feel undeserving of God’s love or any kind of love. And all this time you’ve been running away from your own mistakes. Lying to me, to everyone, and yourself.” I push out of Blake’s arm and step closer to the bed. “And to think I was worried about you.” I push past Blake and Roman, neither of them stopping me, and exit into the corridor. I race through corridor after corridor, looking for the exit and needing some air. I crash into a woman as I burst through the automatic doors.

“I’m sorry,” I call to her as the doors close behind me and cold rain pelts me from above. I look up at the overcast sky and curse God for the rain and my messed-up life.