Page 12 of Love’s Patient Journey (The Relinquished #2)

She couldn’t get over how Zac had accepted Ryan being there, even letting Ryan hold him.

He seemed to take to Ryan, and that scared her to death.

What if Ryan chose to walk away again? Ryan told her that he’d earn her trust. He thought that the reason she had so little trust in him was because of what Jake had done to her.

He was mostly right, but Ryan walking away destroyed her and her trust. Jenna needed to figure out what to do about that.

She wanted to believe that he loved her.

She knew that she had fallen in love with him, but she just couldn’t bring herself to believe that was enough.

Loving Ryan hadn’t brought him home in the past two years, and if he truly loved her, how had he stayed away so long?

She just didn’t know what to do with her feelings or how to tell Ryan about how she felt.

She didn’t want to hurt him by telling him that she didn’t fully trust him, but she didn’t.

She knew he’d want her honesty, but how to give him the truth without him walking away again—that was another story.

Jenna had gotten up early while the guys continued snoring on her sofa. She just gave up trying to shut her mind off. She showered and did three loads of laundry. The coffee pot was just about empty, so she decided to make another pot for Ryan.

“Hey,” Ryan whispered, wrapping his arms around her.

“Hey, yourself,” she smiled up at him. “Where is Zac?”

“He’s still zonked out. He doesn’t feel too warm, but I really can’t tell.

” He kissed the top of her head and grabbed a mug from her cabinet.

She liked the way he looked in her kitchen.

She loved having him in her home. It felt good to have a man there with her and Zac.

There had been a few times during the night that she felt like she was going to just lose her shit, but Ryan had kept her grounded and calm.

She couldn’t stand it when Zac was sick; thank God it didn’t happen often.

But Ryan handled the whole night like a pro.

“You’re good with him,” she whispered. “He likes you.”

“Well, I feel the same way about him,” he whispered, pulling her closer. “And I’m crazy about his mama.” He started to kiss down her neck.

“Umm,” she moaned, “That feels good. So, you’re crazy about me?” She teased, trying to keep her mind off having sex with Ryan on her kitchen table.

“Yeah, I’m head over heels in love with you, Jenna. And I’m gonna keep on telling you that until you believe me. I know that you have trust issues after what happened with Jake and all.”

She stilled in his arms, and he cursed, “Honey, I didn’t mean to bring up that asshole’s name. Are you all right? He waited for a response. It was now or never. Ryan needed to know where she stood with them as a couple.

“Ryan, I don’t have trust issues just because of my relationship with Jake. The main reason that I can’t bring myself to trust you is because of what you did.” Ryan’s eyes widened, and he stepped away from her. So much for not hurting his feelings.

She reached for him, but he shrugged off her hands. “You wanna tell me what I did that lost your trust, princess?” Yeah, he was pissed. He only called her that when he was upset with her.

“Don’t call me princess, please. I don’t trust you because you walked away from us.

You broke my heart, but the only way that I could deal with that was to pick myself up and carry on, for my son’s sake.

Now, you’re here, and I just have all these jumbled-up feelings.

I am so confused; I don’t know what to feel. ”

“Do you care for me at all, Jenna?” Ryan seemed so cold, so distant.

“I do, I just have to sort out my feelings and try to put my anger aside, that you left both Zac and me, so easily,” Jenna admitted.

“Nothing was easy about leaving the two of you, Jenna.” he pulled her into his arms again, filling the void that she felt when he pushed her away.

“I know why you had to leave, Ryan. What I don’t understand is why, in two years, I didn’t rate a letter, a phone call, or even a short visit.

You say that you knew that you were in love with me, but you never tried to get in contact with me.

” She looked down at her feet, not wanting him to see her tears.

She had done enough crying in front of this man.

Ryan tilted her face to look at him, “Honey, I want you to share everything with me. If you are gonna cry, then cry, and let me hold you. But don’t hide from me.” Jenna gasped. How did Ryan know her so well, in such a short amount of time?

“I didn’t contact you because I didn’t want to hurt you.

Too many of my friends, whom I served with, were killed over there.

I had to tell too many of their wives, girlfriends, and children that they were gone.

I didn’t want that to happen to you. I couldn’t let you go through the pain that I saw in each of their eyes.

I thought that leaving you and Zac alone was best for both of you.

I couldn’t give you hope only to have it ripped away from you because of a choice that I made to be in the military. ”

Jenna shook her head, furious with him. “You don’t get to make those decisions for me, Ryan. What gives you the right to decide how I can and can’t feel about you?”

“I told you last night that you are mine, and I meant it. I want to take care of you, baby. I want to protect you and Zac. Staying away was the only way I knew how to do that,” Ryan whispered.

Jenna shoved out of his arms, and Ryan let her walk away from him.

“I’m so mad right now. I can’t believe that we both wasted the past two years being apart, and in love with the other, just because you made a stupid decision for both of us.

” Jenna paced in her kitchen and glanced up at Ryan.

The fool was smiling—did he honestly think that her being pissed off at him was funny?

She crossed her arms and heaved out a breath.

“What could possibly be funny enough for you to be smiling like a loon right now?” Ryan crossed her kitchen and stood in front of her.

“Honey, you just said that you love me.” He brushed her unruly hair back from her face.

She started to go over the last few minutes in her mind.

When she realized that he was right, she gasped and covered her mouth, but it was too late to keep her words in.

“Yeah, that’s right, honey. You can’t take that back, either. When you tell someone that you love them, even in the wake of a temper tantrum, it counts.” He was smiling again, and she didn’t like it.

“I don’t have temper tantrums,” she stomped her foot on her hardwood floor, causing Ryan to bark out a laugh.

“Ah, so that little display, just now, was a—” She growled and walked away from Ryan. He followed her up to her bedroom and quietly shut her door.

“Honey, I don’t want to fight with you.” He stood behind her and wrapped his arms around her, snuggling her close.

“And I don’t want to rush you into saying something that you aren’t ready to say.

You have to know that I’m not going to stop saying that I love you, because I do, and that’s not gonna change. ”

She closed her eyes and melted into his chest. She wanted so badly to believe everything he said to her, but she just needed some time to process everything. After getting no sleep last night and having a few mind-blowing orgasms, the last thing she could do was think straight.

“Ryan, I just think that I need some time to think. Things didn’t exactly go as planned last night, and I feel like I need to get off this roller coaster for a while, take care of my son, and just figure a few things out. Can you at least give me that? I just need some time.”

Ryan seemed reluctant to let her go, but he did. He crossed her room and pulled on his clothes from the night before. God, their evening seemed like it started years ago, not just a few hours before. He didn’t say too much as he grabbed the rest of his belongings and started out of the room.

“You want some time, princess? I’ll give you time.

But the way that I feel about you isn’t going to change, no matter how much time you take.

I will pick you up tomorrow for our visit to the lawyer.

” Jenna started to protest about him taking her to see her lawyer.

“We are keeping that appointment, Jenna, so don’t even try to back out!

Tell Zac that I hope he feels better.” He crossed the room and kissed her forehead so softly, she barely felt it.

He turned to go, and the next thing she heard was her front door quietly closing.

Jenna couldn’t help herself; she hit her knees.

She was tired and worn out emotionally; she couldn’t seem to keep herself standing, and she just didn’t care.

She might have just let the best thing in her life, besides Zac, walk out her door.

She just hoped that she wasn’t making the biggest mistake of her life.

∞