Page 31 of Loved by a Duke

L ord Rex, Duke of Smythington

The hour was late when I exited the parliament building to find my carriage waiting to take me home. Smythington House used to be a place of comfort, except it had become rather chilly, and not because of the weather. Eleanor and I were still not on speaking terms, and my relationship with Flynn was strained. I felt rather alone and couldn’t shake the feeling. Since Anne’s wedding and after Eleanor’s revelation, we had taken a major step backward. It made for a bleak marriage.

Moonlight cast a blue glow over the Thames, and ship lights in the distance created a fetching picture. Music floated in the air, and I tilted my head, sure it was coming from my coach. The hauntingly beautiful sound of the violin greeted me as the coachman opened the door. My pulse leaped at the sight of Eleanor. “This is a surprise.”

“I thought we might clear the air somewhere we wouldn’t be interrupted.” She spoke in a practical manner, but tension hung about her. The lamp hanging outside the carriage window lit the inside with warm, diffused light. A dark cloak hid her figure from view. She offered me a tentative smile and laid her violin in the case beside her.

“I hope you haven’t been waiting long.” The interior carried the scent of her perfume, an intoxicating mix of roses and thyme. I entered the carriage and sat on the bench across from her, leery of the upcoming conversation. Things weren’t good between us. However, she’d journeyed here to speak to me, which was promising.

“A tad bit. I have my music to occupy me.” She placed her hand on the closed case, her ruby ring flashing in the light. The ring was a symbol of eternal love. “Did you have a productive meeting?”

“Yes, I suppose.” I removed my hat and settled it on my thigh. The carriage jerked as the driver put the horses into motion. I rubbed my thumb along the brim of my hat, silence stretching between us. The steady clip-clop of horses’ hoofs echoed in the near-empty street. My mind spinning, I wanted to speak yet I held back. It was the story of my life of late. The words we threw at each other were hurtful, and the revelation still cut a hole deep inside my gut. “Is Harry settled for the night?”

Children were a safe topic with us, one of the few things we seemed to always agree on.

“Harry is staying the weekend at my brother’s house in the country.” Eleanor gripped the case tighter as the coachman slowed to take a corner. “He and his cousin will be hunting some sort of beetle.”

“He must be through his worm phase then.” I placed my hat on the seat next to me, amazed at his curious passion for bugs. Working so much, I missed the little things that made life worth living.

“I took him and Beatrix to the Entomological Society of London symposium yesterday. Apparently, they accept girls, so the two of them are determined to become members of the society.” She shook her head, a gleam of amusement in her eyes. “To be honest, I wish he had picked a more appealing passion.”

I joined in on her laughter. “I quite agree. He has made his choice though and we must respect his decision.” My amusement died with my words as they paralleled the heart of our discourse.

“Other than the symposium, how was your day?” A shout sounded from outside the carriage, the horses slowing down the deeper we moved into the city. Staring out the window, I waited for her response, unsure if she picked up on my inadvertent comment. Sometimes, silence was the greatest defense. I had a bad habit of putting my foot in my mouth of late so it might be best if I listened quietly.

“It was quite eventful. Olivia broke her engagement to Flynn and leaves in the morning for Australia.”

I whipped my head around, mouth agape before I shut it with a small snap. “What happened?”

“She confessed to me last night she thought Flynn was in love with someone else.” She plucked at her cape string, her slender fingers pale in the dim light. “Well, she wasn’t wrong. He is in love with you.”

“And you.” Our argument at the Stratham and the emotional impact her admission brought rushed into my mind, agitating me all over again.

“After she told Flynn this morning, he and I had a heart-to-heart.” Eleanor had been his figurative shoulder to cry on in recent years.

“He must be devastated.” I hadn’t thought anything of it until she made her confession. My hurt caused me to lash out at her and Flynn. His reminder of how arrogant I had been over the years stuck with me. Thus, I was having greater difficulty dealing with it. Throughout the years, we had been there for one another. After seeing Eleanor home, I would seek him out to discover how he was faring. “He’d been running from marriage, and once he gave in to her demands, she rejected him. Do you think it was intentional on her part? She is a proud woman.”

“No, I don’t think so.” With a deep sigh, she adjusted the folds of her cloak. “She was truly upset. She did offer me some sage words of advice, though. In typical Olivia fashion, she told me I was being silly for giving up my place at the conservatory.”

“I would say she’s right, but...” I let the comment trail off, not wishing to say more.

Eleanor wrinkled her nose in a playful manner. Chin tilted, she held my regard. “You were right as well. I should continue with my music regardless of the circumstances in which I received the position. I let pride get in the way of my goals, and I am sorry for being unduly harsh.”

“Do not apologize. I shouldn’t have made the decision on your behalf. I should have consulted with you.” My voice broke, and I wasn’t sure why. Emotions rushed to the fore, and I tried to gather my thoughts. This was a much-needed conversation, no matter how painful it was about to become. “It has been hammered home of late that I have taken you for granted, and you don’t deserve that.”

“I haven’t been telling you the truth about how I really feel, and that is my fault. All of this could have been avoided had I simply been honest. I have been lost lately, and not because of you or Harry or Anne or Atticus. I was lost because of me.” She used her knuckle to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye.

I removed my handkerchief from my pocket and handed it to her. “I understand you were upset.” I debated whether to let my anger over the proposal drop, yet holding back was why our marriage’s passion had faded. “I was equally upset, and us not speaking for days wasn’t productive. Flynn is right, we don’t talk about anything with substance. That’s been our problem for a while now.”

“It didn’t used to be.” More tears glistened on her cheeks. She didn’t bother wiping them off. Ragged emotions showed in the quiver of her lips.

“We used to stay up until dawn talking about any number of subjects.” Until the twins came, and then our conversations shifted to the children and never left.

“When Olivia and I had our first luncheon at the Stratham, we made a pact that we wouldn’t talk about our children. In the first few minutes, I realized I had nothing to say.” The tears were falling with more speed. “She asked me what my passion was outside of the family. Music was the one subject I kept returning to. She encouraged me to audition for the conservatory and I balked at first because it is so personal. It is how I express myself, and it has kept me sane since the first time I picked up the violin.”

When I thought about the abuse she suffered at her father’s hand, I became livid all over again. “I’m glad you found yourself, and that you’re following your passion for music. I would like to be part of your journey as well.”

“Music is not my only passion.” With a wavering smile, she looked outside, her profile to me. “Olivia and I had a very eye-opening conversation about sharing intimacies. Flynn showing us what she was referring to and helping us open ourselves up to new possibilities has given me a new outlook on our marriage.”

The reminder of Flynn brought back my newly acquired insecurity. It still rankled that she hadn’t chosen me. “As Flynn rightly pointed out, bed sport is no way to fix our problems.”

“Nor is avoiding the topic which has us at odds.” Eleanor held out her hand to me, our eyes locking. Like me, she hadn’t been sleeping much lately, and even in the carriage’s dim light, I could see the dark rings under her eyes. Lying beside her each night without touching or speaking had been excruciating. I had considered moving to another bedroom, but it was an admission of defeat.

I slipped my palm into hers, supporting her as she moved to sit on the bench beside me. The carriage slowed again, and more voices lifted in conversation in the passing night.

Tension returned to my shoulders. The foundation of our marriage had crumbled with her admission. I remained mute, unable to articulate my feelings without casting accusations.

“I can’t deny my past feelings for Flynn or my current ones.” She laid a hand on my thigh to gain my attention. “My feelings for him do not detract from my feelings for you. I love you. I always have.”

“Yet you struggled with whom to marry by your own admission.” I remained stiff in my seat, my feet planted on the floor of the carriage. The gentle rocking back and forth was a comfort to my jangled nerves.

“I did. I was living under my father’s iron thumb at the time.” Her voice turned shaky, a common theme whenever she spoke about him. “Mary got sick the night of the house party, and she asked me to tell Flynn she couldn’t come. We began to talk, and he asked me to dance. I wasn’t aware he meant in the fountain itself until I ended up there.”

Over the years I had heard the story sans the part where she and Flynn exchanged kisses. The memory of our tryst at the Stratham and the two kissing still sparked my blood. Until the jealousy hit after her revelation. I had never been the jealous sort, and it frightened me. “Flynn was very impulsive and a rake, if truth be told.”

“Yes, well, after my father found out we had more than words.” The shakiness had increased, and her fingers on my leg flexed. “I told you how abusive he was, well that night, I feared for my life. First, he beat me until I could no longer stand. Then, I was forced to my knees to pray for my wicked soul for the rest of the night. He then turned on my brother to beat him for allowing it to happen.”

Fury and a host of other emotions raged inside my chest. I draped my arm around her shoulders, cut to the core by the raw pain in her admission. He had literally beaten her into submission. “He was a vicious and cruel man.”

“In the morning, I was informed that he had denied Flynn’s offer and accepted yours on my behalf.” More tears fell, and she made no move to stop them.

I cradled her to my shoulder. Although I was still upset with her, I couldn’t stomach that she had received such cruel punishment from a cold and distant man like the marquess. “I am sorry I was the catalyst for your pain.”

She shook her head and twisted to look at me, pleading in her eyes. “I know this will sound strange, but this has nothing to do with you. Once I left the fountain and returned to the house, I realized my mistake. I will not lie. I was tempted to give in to Flynn’s seduction that night. If I had been such a fool, I would have hurt you and Mary for the sake of rebellion.”

“You said you were in love with him.” No matter how she spun the top, that fact hadn’t changed. “Do you regret marrying me?”

“No,” she said vehemently. “I never regretted marrying you. I had strong feelings for Flynn, but that doesn’t diminish my feelings for you. In hindsight, lust took precedence when it came to Flynn, rather like your physical desire for him. You said you lusted after him, except you weren’t in love with him. Olivia helped me understand women have the same needs as men. You both showed me what I was missing out on, and I will be forever grateful.”

She tossed my words back at me from a long-ago conversation in the study. The first unforgettable night the three of us spent together, we shed most of the restrictions we’d placed on ourselves.

“I will admit to being confused by my feelings for Flynn. There was much at stake if anyone discovered our desires.” I had my position to consider. Eleanor’s lustful interlude with Flynn almost ended her life at the hands of her father. A shiver of horror coursed through me, and I pulled her tighter into my body.

“I faced the same threat.” She rested her head on my shoulder. “After he...the pain of kneeling was unbearable, and I swore to God I would try to be the proper lady. The reason I refused to remove my gown on our wedding night was because I still carried the bruises of his beating on my torso and legs, and I didn’t wish for you to see them. The guilt over my brother’s punishment led me to suppress my desires. I am sorry for stealing away our best years because of my past distress.”

“What you went through was insufferable.” I tilted her chin and placed a soft kiss on her lips, my own salty from her tears. “We haven’t lost the best years of our lives. I say we make new memories and leave the trauma of the past behind.”

Head tilted, she danced her mouth over mine, my love for her rushing to the forefront. There was nothing either one of us could do about the past. She and Flynn had a history, the same way he and I did.

“There is still the matter of Flynn and our unusual arrangement. According to him, he wants to continue the affair,” Eleanor said. “The last time we spoke of it together, you seemed soured to the idea.”

“Are you for or against the proposition?” I stroked her face with my knuckle.

“If it causes friction between us, then I am against it.” She moved her hand up my leg, seeking fingers moving to my inner thigh. We needed to heal our broken hearts and regain the closeness we’d once shared. “What is your honest opinion?”

“I would welcome it as long as it is feasible.” I halted her hand before she could distract me with her touch. I had to finish my thoughts and get everything out in the open. “It is my turn to apologize. I acted like a jealous fool and blamed you for something that happened twenty years ago. In my defense, I had been living under a misconception and it was like a kick in the stomach to acknowledge all was not perfect in our marriage.”

“We were both to blame and Flynn rightly called us on it. I love him, I won’t deny it. Thus, I am asking you again, will this pose a problem for you? Because as much as I love the play between the three of us, I will be equally happy with the two of us exploring our passions without restrictions.”

“I think we can find a balance between both.” I lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. The carriage slowed, the outside light swaying.

“We need to be discreet. I would hate for word of our unique situation to leak and cause a scandal,” she said.

“Our friendship will help guard us from scrutiny. It is not unusual for Flynn and his daughters to spend time at our house every night. We will simply have to be more inventive to avoid discovery.” The small smile playing around her mouth drew me in. Seduction went both ways, and I began to ply her lovely mouth with sensual kisses.

The carriage halted, the vehicle rocking as the coachman jumped down from his perch.

“Shall we go inside?” I asked, reluctantly removing my arm from her shoulders.

“I think we should.” With a mischievous smile, she adjusted the hood of her cape over her hair.

The door opened, and I frowned at the familiar landscape. “We aren’t home.”

“No, we aren’t. We have a suite for the night.” She offered a saucy wink. “I happen to know you are free from any obligations until Monday.”

“Indeed.” I hopped from the carriage and nearly stumbled in my eagerness for the night of passion to begin. My head spinning with the turn of events, I helped her down from the carriage. I spent too many hours at Parliament and had missed out on so much. There came a time in every man’s life when he had to make tough decisions not only for himself but for others. “I have been giving it much thought, and on Monday, I will inform Her Majesty that I am stepping down from my position. For this new phase of our life, I plan on putting us first.” Flynn was already a fixture in my life. The intimacies we shared were one more layer to our intertwined futures.

“If that is your wish, I will support you no matter what.” She leaned on my arm, the night air blowing at her cloak. Golden lights illuminated the grand exterior of the hotel as a servant opened the door for us. I would give her as much freedom as possible. Our lives weren’t ours to live at times. The estate required hours of dedication to benefit the greater good. While I could quit my obligation at Parliament and be relegated to a regular member, my title and estates were yoked to me. I would never be free of them, nor would I wish to be. I was privileged to be a duke and prided myself on my heritage.

Neither one of us was good at laying our hearts on the line. For years, we let societal restrictions shackle us. As I kissed her with love in my heart, I vowed not to take her for granted again, and in return, I would have my heart’s desire.

Eleanor.