Page 19 of Love Me (Charlotte Monarchs Hockey #1)
Bree
I ’m not the Grim Reaper here.
This is the phrase I have to keep repeating to myself. According to the good-natured ribbing from my colleagues at my previous job back home in Anaheim, my soft bedside manner is suited for delivering bad news.
I know they meant it as a compliment, but always being chosen as the harbinger of doom and death took a toll on my mental health. I might as well wear an albatross around my neck to let people know what’s coming when I approach.
But here on assignment in Charlotte, no one knows my reputation. All they know is that I’m a traveling nurse from California. A little different in my attitude and methods—as a few people have told me since I started—but that’s a compliment I’m happy to accept.
Different is good. Different can change the world. One patient at a time.
I cross the hallway to the nurse’s station where Tonya is sitting. As if she feels my presence, she lifts her head from the paperwork she’s completing. “What’s up?”
“Have you seen Luke yet today?” Asking someone seemed more efficient than sticking my head in every room looking for him.
She nods. “Yep. He’s?—”
“Right behind you,” Luke’s sexy, scratchy voice finishes. He stands behind me, shaking a pack of hockey cards between his fingers like a sugar packet. “Do you need me for something?”
We’ve been hooking up at least twice a week for the last month.
The teasing lilt of his voice, coupled with his sinfully sexy smirk would normally make my skin tingle and heart race as it brought back the last time we were together.
But this is serious, and pushing back the ridiculous rush of lust is easy when I’m in full-on nurse mode.
“Jack—” My voice catches as I hold back my emotions.
While I’d been training, Summer told me that Luke had a special relationship with Jack Dellinger, an eleven-year-old patient with terminal cancer.
She never explained why the two had such a connection.
The only thing I know about Jack is that his father passed away a few months ago while Jack was in his fourth round of chemo.
She never explained the circumstances of his death.
The skin around Luke’s brown eyes wrinkles in concern. “What is it? Is Jack okay?”
“Ally asked for you,” I finish. My heart speeds up, twisting in agony thinking about the news she has for him. I feel like I should warn him before he walks to Jack’s room, but it’s not my place. This is one of those times that a visible albatross would come in handy.
I beckon Luke to follow me. “Come on.”
According to the regular nurses on staff, Jack was diagnosed with an aggressive, inoperable type of lung cancer less than a year ago.
He’s undergone surgery and five rounds of chemotherapy and radiation since then.
Ally, Jack’s mom, decided not to put him through any more because nothing was helping to get rid of or even shrink the tumor.
On the contrary, his condition has gotten significantly worse.
It’s a sad, horrible situation. I don’t know if Luke has any idea how bad it is. I’m pretty sure his heart will bleed when he finds out Jack is being discharged into home hospice care tomorrow.
“Ms. Dellinger,” I say softly as I enter the room. “I found him.”
“Luke!” Ally releases her son’s hand and hurries toward us. She throws her arms around Luke’s neck and squeezes him tight.
I edge around them, moving forward to check on Jack while they have their moment. I doubt she’s stopped crying since she and Dr. Culver spoke about Jack’s future this morning.
“I’m going home, Luke!” Jack cries. His voice is barely above a whisper, but his smile is warm, highlighting the cute dimples under the smattering of light-brown freckles on his cheeks.
“What? You’re… You’re what?” Luke stammers.
“I get to go home and be in my own bed, and my friends can come over to see me,” Jack explains. “And Mom said we could get the hockey package so I can watch all the games I want.”
When I glance up, Ally’s lips are close to Luke’s ear as she whispers something. Luke’s head snaps back to the frail boy lying in the hospital bed.
“That’s good news, Jackster.” Luke’s gravelly voice breaks as he speaks. He squeezes Ally one more time before releasing her and rushing to Jack’s bedside, where he leans over and gives his friend a gentle hug. Then he takes Jack’s hand in his own and holds on.
“You said you were gonna invite Luke over to watch some games, right?” I pat Jack’s shoulder and back away from the bed to give Ally room to stand next to her son.
With Luke holding Jack’s hand and Ally standing by the bedside, gazing at both of them with affection, it feels like I’m interrupting an intimate family moment. I wonder how well Luke knows the Dellingers.
Suddenly, the smile slips from Jack’s lips, and his eyes scrunch as if he’s in pain. Instinct kicks in, and I rush to his side, edging Luke out of the way with my hip. He shuffles to the side, giving me access.
“Are you okay, Jack?” I ask, eyes darting to check a monitor above him.
He nods and swallows hard. “Yeah, I’m okay. I just—I’m gonna miss seeing you all the time, Luke. Would you, um… Would you want to come over and watch some games with me?”
A sigh of relief escapes me, and I back away again.
Luke doesn’t miss a beat. “Yeah, man. We’ll do a game-of-the-week kind of thing. As long as that’s okay with your mom.”
Jack lifts his eyes to Ally, who smiles, mouthing the word “Yes” as she nods. The brown curls she’s pulled back into a sloppy ponytail bounce with her answer.
“You have my phone number. Whenever you want to talk, you just call or text, got it?” Luke tells him with a wink. Then he tosses something onto Jack’s bed. I peer over his shoulder, recognizing the gift instantly—the shiny, silver pack of hockey trading cards. “Thought you might like those.”
“Thanks, Luke.” Jack lifts the pack and immediately tugs at the seal. After a few unsuccessful attempts, Luke takes it from him gently and tears a corner off, making it easier for Jack to open the rest. When Jack beams at Luke, it rips a hole in my heart.
“Yes, thank you, Luke,” Ally echoes. She closes her eyes tight. “I can’t imagine going through all of this without you. You have been an angel. Thank you.” Ally places both hands over her mouth as a tear slides down her cheek.
Jack stops flipping through his cards, reaches out, and takes his mom’s hand. “It’s okay, Mom. Everything’s gonna be fine now.”
His words cause the dam holding back Ally’s tears to burst, which puts me over the edge.
I’ve cried with my patients’ families before, but I’ve rarely ever had such an emotional reaction where I had to leave the room.
Having a child with cancer is one of the most difficult things a family can ever go through.
My job is to be professional and compassionate, their teammate and sounding board.
After closing the door quietly behind me, I press my back against the wall and pound my head against it. I haven’t known Jack long enough to have this rough a reaction, but I’ve gotten close enough to Luke. My heart hurts for all of them.
“You okay, Tinkerbell?” Tonya calls from the nurse’s station.
An aide wheeling a medication cart passes in front of me, giving me a moment to compose myself and find words. I wipe my fingers across a solitary tear that escapes. “Sometimes I wonder why I do this.”
“Because the good you do outweighs the bad that happens. You’ve saved more lives than you’ve lost.”
I scoff. “You’ve only known me for a month.”
“You wouldn’t have been hired if you were the Grim Reaper.”
I tense, startled by her word choice. Then I peel myself off the wall and ask, “Do you still get angry? Or sad?”
Tonya has at least twenty years more experience than I do.
“Of course. That’s why I’m at Zorba’s with a glass of pinot grigio in my hand by four-fifteen some days.”
Zorba’s Deli is a hole-in-the-wall diner across the street from the hospital which serves cheap, fast, and hearty food that hits the spot after a ten-hour shift.
A mixed crew from the hospital meets there a few times a week to let off steam and enjoy each other’s company outside of work.
I joined the group immediately, always eager to get to know my coworkers.
Suddenly, the door to Jack’s room swings open, and Luke charges out. Tonya and I watch as he rushes down the hallway and slams his shoulder into the bathroom door to open it.
Tears fill my eyes as I think about the pain he’s feeling right now.
That’s when I understand my reaction to the situation.
As much as I feel for the Dellingers, I’m more affected by how Luke’s handling it.
I may not know the entire story of their connection, but the tears in his eyes and the emotion in his voice made it obvious that Luke loves that little boy.
“Why don’t you take ten?” Tonya offers. “I’ll handle anything that comes up for your patients.”
I swallow hard and nod, giving her a small smile.