Page 14 of Love in Tune

‘Are you one hundred per cent certain that he’s a normal, non-heartbroken guy, Nell? Because after Deano, I’m pretty much ready to jack this whole ridiculous idea in.’

Honey looked at Nell steadily who gazed unflinchingly back at her over the rim of her cappuccino cup.

‘And where exactly is that attitude going to get you, Honeysuckle?’ She arched her eyebrows. ‘I’ll tell you where it’ll get you. Nowhere, apart from lonely. So Deano wasn’t the one. We were never likely to get it right straight away, were we?’

‘Weren’t we?’ Honey said. ‘Because I kind of thought we’d have one go at this and bam, I’d be marrying Michael Bublé. That’s how you guys sold it to me.’

‘So sue us,’ Tash laughed and shrugged her shoulders. ‘What’s this Robin like then, Nell?’

Nell placed her coffee cup down in its saucer. ‘Well, he’s quite good looking actually,’ she said, nodding slowly in a way that made Honey instantly suspicious.

‘You don’t sound very sure,’ she said.

‘No, he is … in a kind of old-fashioned way,’ Nell seemed to choose her words with care. ‘I mean, granted, he’s no Bublé, but he has, umm … good hair, and he laughs a lot. You need a man who can make you laugh, Honey.’ Nell nodded a little too vigorously for Honey’s liking.

‘So, when am I supposed to be meeting him?’

Nell studied her fingernails. ‘The thing is, Hon, he’s not much of a pub person, so I kind of said you’d cook for him.’ The end of Nell’s sentence came out twice as quickly as the beginning, as if Nell hoped it might go unnoticed if she said it really quickly.

‘Nell!’ Tash said. ‘You know that’s a bad idea.’

Relieved to have her friend’s support, Honey nodded. ‘No way. I can’t have a stranger into my house, Nell! It’s blind date rule number one, meet in a well-lit, neutral place.’

‘I wasn’t thinking about that,’ Tash said, frowning at Nell. ‘You know she can’t cook; she’ll probably poison him before he can get anywhere close to showing her his finger skills.’

‘Well, I suggested his house first, but he said his mother would be home.’

‘He still lives with his mother?’ Honey said, glancing at her watch to see if it was too early for a real drink.

Nope, still eleven thirty in the morning.

Every few weeks the three women met for Saturday brunch in their favourite café, but this week Honey was enjoying it a lot less than usual thanks to the current subject matter.

Every aspect of her life seemed to be more stressful than usual at the moment; her job was under threat, her friends were pimping her out to strange men based on a ridiculous premise, and her home had been invaded by her abusive and reclusive neighbour.

Was it any wonder she was considering asking for a double shot of rum in her coffee?

‘He’s coming over to yours on Friday night,’ Nell said, ignoring Honey’s question and refusing to look sorry. ‘Just make spaghetti or something. He’s nice, Honey. I’ve met him quite a few times now, and he’s really good with the kids so he must be a decent guy.’

Tash broke up a huge cookie and stuck a wedge on each of their saucers. ‘You’ve nothing to lose, Honey-bee.’

‘Just a whole Friday evening and potentially my life, if he turns out to be an axe murderer.’

‘Axe murderers don’t usually live with their mothers,’ Nell said.

‘Norman Bates?’ Honey said, after a moment’s thought.

Tash made stabbing motions in the air over the table. ‘Just don’t let him follow you into the bathroom.’

Honey shook her head. ‘Tell him it’s off, Nell. I mean it.’

‘I can’t,’ Nell said. ‘I’m off work on Monday so I won’t see him.’

‘Long weekend, Nellie?’ Tash said. ‘Lucky you.’

‘It was Simon’s idea, actually,’ Nell said. ‘We don’t really get much day time together; we’re both always knackered with work and then with Ava at the weekends. It’s sort of an us day. Ava’s going to Simon’s parents as usual.’

Honey and Tash nodded slowly.

‘A you day,’ Honey mused.

‘And did he suggest that before or after he saw your new underwear?’ Tash laughed. Nell huffed, pink cheeked, and then laughed too.

‘After.’

She sipped her drink demurely, clearly bursting to say more. ‘Oh my God! Girls, he was …’ Nell paused and searched for the right words. ‘Well, let’s just say he was impressed.’

‘Good on you, Nell,’ Honey smiled.

‘Good on Simon, more like!’ Tash said. ‘So what’s the plan for Monday?’

Nell’s eyes sparkled. ‘That’s just it. I don’t even know!

He just told me to book the day off but still take Ava to his parents as normal.

He was so … so masterful!’ Her voice practically quivered, making Honey wonder how the usually mild-mannered Simon had morphed himself into Heathcliff behind closed doors over recent weeks.

‘And has he presented you with any new sex toys over breakfast this week?’ Tash asked.

Nell swallowed and shook her head. ‘No. But girls, I have to tell you, that vibrator …’ She lowered her voice and glanced from side to side to make sure no one overheard the local primary teacher discussing sex aids, and then leaned in towards Honey.

‘You should have bought one when we were in that store, Honey,’ she murmured.

‘I don’t actually think you’d have any choice but to orgasm.

Seriously.’ Her big round eyes glittered.

‘She’s right, Honeysuckle,’ Tash grinned. ‘All those electrical impulses concentrated on one little spot.’

Nell did the shivery, quivery thing again and glanced at her watch, probably itching to get home to sexed-up Simon.

‘Fine. I’ll buy a vibrator if we can ditch the piano man thing.’ Honey glanced from Nell to Tash, who frowned at each other. ‘Deal?’

Her friends shook their heads.

‘No deal,’ Tash said. ‘This is a job for a man, not a machine.’

‘Are you sure you don’t want to call the banker and check?

’ Honey joked half-heartedly, knowing that they weren’t going to let her wriggle off the piano man hook.

She was just going to have to hit the ready meal aisle so as not to poison this Robin guy on Friday, and hope like hell that he wasn’t an axe murderer, because it was highly unlikely Hal would bother coming to her aid if she screamed.

Glancing at her watch again, Honey pushed herself off the couch and headed for the counter. It was three minutes after midday, and she needed a glass of wine.

A couple of hours and a couple of glasses later, Honey turned the key and let herself back into the square, cool lobby. What was Nell thinking? She didn’t know this man very well at all, yet she’d invited him into Honey’s home.

‘I need whisky,’ Hal shouted through the door without preamble, more like a testy ninety-year-old than a sexy thirty-something. ‘And cigarettes.’

‘You don’t smoke, rock star,’ she called, debating whether she was glad he was speaking to her again or not, given his tone.

‘I’m going to start,’ he yelled.

Honey flicked her eyes towards the ceiling. ‘No, you’re not.’

‘Did my mother die and leave you in charge? Have you adopted me, Mary Poppins?’

‘You know what, Hal? Piss off. I’ve had a nice morning, I can do without you spoiling it.’

Honey stood still in the silence, waiting on his reply. Had he taken her at her word and pissed off?

‘I take it today’s date was better than the last one then,’ he said, more quietly, more honestly, more Hal.

‘It wasn’t a date,’ she said. ‘I’ve been with Tash and Nell – you know, my friends. I have got another date on Friday, though.’

‘You’re not giving our Deano another chance, are you? Because a man who doesn’t walk you home won’t get any better second time around, you know.’

‘What do you think I am, an idiot? Of course it’s not Deano. It’s someone called Robin, if you must know.’

‘Nobby name.’

Honey laughed under her breath, despite herself. ‘Maybe. He’ll probably still be fabulous though.’

‘Probably? You’ve never met him, have you?’ Hal said. ‘Don’t tell me. He’s another fucking pianist, isn’t he?’

‘He’s another fucking pianist,’ Honey said agreeably, enjoying the fact that she could wind him up. ‘And he’s coming here, so you better not disrupt things by yelling for whisky like someone’s grandad, you hear me?’

‘You’re having some random bloke you don’t know from Adam in your flat? Are you completely stupid?’

‘And I’m cooking for him too,’ Honey said. ‘Dinner.’ Hal’s answering bark of laughter annoyed her to hell. ‘What’s so funny?’

‘Nothing,’ he muttered, making no attempt to hide his clear amusement.

‘I can cook,’ she said, even though it was a blatant lie.

‘No you can’t … But I can,’ he said, and the change in his voice pulled Honey up short. He wasn’t kidding around anymore, that was for sure, although she couldn’t put her finger on where the conversation had turned serious.

‘I might make him spaghetti hoops à la toast,’ she said.

‘You could. Or I could teach you how to make bolognese properly,’ Hal said softly. ‘If you like.’

Honey swallowed. ‘I’d like …’ she said, eventually, ‘I’d like that a lot.’

‘Go get a pen and paper, Strawberry Girl. You’re going shopping.’