Page 1 of Love Immortal
December 1985
“ W hat do you mean my letter went missing?” Clay asks, his blue eyes wide with a fear I’ve never seen in him before.
My insides wrench, and I press my back against the cold, brick wall.
We’re behind the school building. I’ve waited here for more than an hour for Clay’s football practice to finish. I had to let him know as soon as possible. “Someone stole my backpack during PE,” I confess. “But I…I found it later. It was just a prank. They dumped everything into a trash can…” I hate how normal I must make my voice sound so I don’t make him panic. What happened wasn’t out of the ordinary for me. Unlike Clay, I’ve been taunted like this for all of high school.
Clay’s lips tighten. Sadness flashes across his face, but then fear overtakes it. “So what happened to my letter?” he asks again.
I look down at the ground, which feels like it’s quickly disintegrating beneath my feet. “The letter…it wasn’t there.”
“Jonathan!” Clay’s voice breaks. He rakes his fingers through his dirty-blond hair, still slightly damp with sweat. “Do you understand what you’ve done? If anyone reads it, they’ll find out about us!”
“I know!” I yelp as the wave of Clay’s despair crashes into me. But what can I do? What can I possibly say to fix this? It’s not completely my fault. Clay and I have been dancing on the edge of this abyss for months now, exchanging these letters. We both knew the risks: what our parents would say, what the school would do if they discovered that a silly pen pal assignment had turned into a secret love affair.
We’ve always known the consequences, but it felt like as long as we were careful, there was no real threat.
“Nobody will find out,” I say, steadying my voice. “I probably just misplaced it, Clay. Maybe it’s in my locker, and it fell behind something.” I don’t know who I’m trying to convince more, but I take a step closer to him. “I’ll check again first thing tomorrow.”
I reach for him then, just to touch him, to tell him everything is going to be okay. For the briefest moment, I feel the warmth of his cheek against my chilled fingertips. But then Clay flinches away.
“Burn them,” he says through gritted teeth.
“What?” My outstretched hand freezes in midair.
“Jonathan, if you ever loved me, if you ever cared about me, I want you to burn them all. Tonight.”
My hand drops to my side, Clay’s words slashing like knives through soft flesh. Burn them all ? His gentle confessions that made me swoon, our inside jokes and hidden dreams, the proof I’m not alone? That I can be loved? That despite what the world tells people like Clay and me every day, it is possible to be happy?
“Promise me you’ll do it.” Clay urges, breaking my stupor. He’s crowding me back against the wall. “Say you will, Jonathan.”
As I stare at Clay’s demanding expression, my eyes sting, and my lungs seem to be filled with ice. Soundlessly, I nod. Because what else can I do?
But in the end, I can never bring myself to burn our letters.
And by then, it’s already too late anyway.