Page 28 of Love and Other Paradoxes

He was heading for the coffee shop when he realised the time travellers were following him. He cursed and changed course,

careering down Tennis Court Road. By the time he came out at the other end by the chemistry department, Vera and her crew

were far behind. Still, he played it safe, weaving through a maze of backstreets that confused even him until he finally found

Mill Road almost by accident. He turned in a circle to reorient himself, ran in a weaving zigzag through the pavement crowds,

and burst into the café, heart pounding.

Esi wasn’t there. Standing behind the counter was Shola, her colleague and now housemate.

“Hi, Joseph Greene.” She was looking at him with strange familiarity, as if she knew more about him than he knew about her.

It didn’t make sense. Shola wasn’t a time traveller. Then he realised the more obvious explanation: Esi had talked to her

about him. The thought was simultaneously thrilling and terrifying.

“Hi. Uh—is Esi here?”

She shook her head, setting her beaded earrings swaying. “It’s her day off.”

Friday. “Shit. Do you know where she might be?”

“Try our house.” She pointed out the window. “Cross the road, second left, end of the street. Blue door.” She winked at him. “Try not to get run over.”

A little disturbed, he thanked her and followed her directions to a narrow house at the end of a terrace. He rang the doorbell.

After a few minutes, Esi opened the door. She looked sleepy and vulnerable, in Shola’s Homerton MCR T-shirt and her own silk

headwrap—the same headwrap, he realised now, that he’d seen her mum wearing, faded from red to peach. He tingled with the

strangeness of it. It was easy to forget she was a traveller from a place that wasn’t on any map, a place she would soon be

returning to.

She looked at him, a hundred conflicting emotions warring on her face. “You,” she said, like the universe was about to end

and it was all his fault.

He took a breath. There was so much he wanted to say to her, but he had to start with what was important. “Darcy’s your mum.

Your mum is Darcy.”

She rubbed her temples. “Sorry, you’re going to have to run that past me again.”

“Rob’s nemesis! The Deadly Mr. Darcy. That’s your mum’s Assassin name. She and Rob are going to have a duel at my college

May Ball on the twenty-third of June. If she beats him, she gets an award. For winning the Game twice.”

Her brow furrowed, then cleared. “You’d better come in. Tea?” She headed back to the small kitchen.

“Aye, that’d be great,” he called. Music was playing, a woman’s soft voice twining around complex beats. The living room was a cosy nest of mismatched sofas and slanted bookshelves, the walls plastered with photographs of Shola and her housemates. The most recent batch prominently featured Esi: laughing in the cano pied basement of a club, cooking with Shola in the kitchen, their housemates acting as judges in what appeared to be some kind of rice-off.

She brought the tea, looking marginally more awake. “You’re sure about this?”

“Hundred percent. I showed him the photo. He said it’s her.”

She shook her head in wonder. “So all this time, Rob’s literally known her?”

“More than that. He’s been actively hunting her down. We just never thought to ask him, because—you know. Assassins.”

Her face lit with realisation. “That’s why she was so hard to find. The whole time we were looking for her, she was in the

Game.”

“Until February. Rob told me Darcy got killed. That’s why she let her guard down. She wasn’t playing anymore.” He smiled.

“You used to play, right? Something else you have in common.”

She sat down on the sofa, tucking her legs underneath her. “But it’s just a stupid game. How could it be that important to

her that she’d come back for the anniversary twenty-five years later?”

“Maybe she had different priorities than you thought.” The phrase chimed with something in his memory. “Shit. Diana knew.”

She looked up at him sharply. “What?”

“You were right. She was lying. They were friends in first year. She pretended not to know her because your mum didn’t want

to be found. Diana said she didn’t understand her reasons, but she’d still respect them.”

Esi shifted on the sofa. “I guess that’s nice of her. Annoying for me. But nice.”

“We’re not together anymore,” he said hurriedly.

He caught her relief before she tried to hide it. “Oh?”

“I broke up with her. You were right. It wasn’t fair not to tell her the truth. I gave her the book.” Her eyes widened. “I wouldn’t worry about it disrupting anything,” he reassured her. “She’s planning to stick to it word for word.”

She looked down at her hands. “So she thinks you’re still going to get together in the future?”

“Yeah. And the weird thing is, it looks like the future agrees. The time travellers came back this morning.” A troubled look

crossed her face. He thought he knew what was worrying her: the idea of the future correcting itself, converging back to its

original path. “Hey.” He touched her arm. “It doesn’t mean we can’t save your mum.”

She met his eyes. The troubled look lingered, as if that wasn’t all she had been thinking about. “Yeah,” she said after a

moment. “And now we know how.”

He nodded. “We have to help Rob win.”

An hour later, they were assembled in Joe and Rob’s living room. Rob was in the armchair, looking uneasily up at Joe and Esi,

who were flanking him like prison guards. “What’s happening?”

“See this duel with Darcy?” said Joe. “I can’t overstate how important it is that you win it.”

Rob laughed. “I mean, obviously I agree. But why do you care? You’ve never been invested in how I do in the Game before.”

“This is bigger than you, Trevelyan,” said Esi sternly. “This is about setting history right.”

He looked up at her, baffled. “Again, I agree. But you don’t need to worry about it. I’ve got it covered.”

“No. You haven’t.” Joe paced away, exhaling. “Whatever you were planning, it’s not going to work.”

“How do you know?”

At the same time, they both said, “We know.”

Rob looked between the two of them. “Why are you being so intensely weird?”

Joe turned to Esi. “Something needs to be different.”

“Different from what?” Rob asked plaintively.

“From how it was going to be.” He scrubbed his hands through his hair, trying to dislodge an idea. “We need a new variable.”

“I’m a new variable,” Esi offered. “So are you, if you’ve never cared about the Game before.”

She was right. He whirled back to Rob. “You once told me non-Assassins can be—what’s it called...”

“Accomplices?” Rob laughed. “I’m not letting you be my Accomplices. If you get yourselves killed, that makes me Wanted, which

means—”

“We’re not going to get ourselves killed. We’ll just—be there, watching, waiting for her to make her move. And then, at the

crucial moment—”

“We can distract her.” Esi’s smile dazzled him.

Rob was less pleased. “You both need to explain to me what the hell is going on here.”

“Later,” said Joe. “Right now, you just need to trust us.”

Rob stared at him, like he was weighing their years of friendship against his heart’s desire. Finally, he sighed. “Okay. Fine.

I accept your mysterious and frankly unnerving offer of assistance. But that means you and Campbell both need to be at the

Ball.”

Esi looked at Joe in alarm. “Aren’t the tickets really expensive?”

“We can work for half of it. Get into the other half for free.” He shrugged. “A lot of people do it. It’s the only way to get in, if you don’t have a spare hundred quid lying around.”

“Completely normal university,” Esi muttered.

“Okay. Darcy’s working the first half, so I’d need you two to do the same.” Rob was out of bewilderment and into strategy

mode, steepling his fingers. “I’ll talk to my mate on the committee. He can sort you out.”

Joe met Esi’s uncertain, hopeful eyes. “It’s a plan.”

The twenty-third of June. The date had been circled in red on the calendar of his mind for so long that it felt like doomsday

had arrived.

He had spent the first five hours of the Ball serving champagne cocktails to a never-ending stream of his beautifully dressed

peers, who had treated him as if he were invisible. Now, as the Chapel clock struck eleven, he was on the other side, dressed

up in his kilt outfit, part of the privileged crowd. The champagne cocktails had run out; the only drink left was beer in

a plastic cup. He drained it and dropped the cup in a bin, thinking wryly how the evening summed up his Cambridge experience:

half-in and half-out of it.

He and Esi had been assigned to different stations, so he hadn’t yet seen her. Rob had given her his key so she could use

their room to get changed. He waited near the entrance of the staircase, watching the coloured lights sweep over the college’s

limestone walls, the past and the future colliding.

And then he saw her. His breath caught. Her dress was floor-length, gathered at the bodice, pale blue with a violet overlay that picked up the delicate shimmer of her skin. Her hair was done up in a complicated, sculptural arrangement, tiny flowers studded all over like stars. Forget-me-nots. His heart ached at the irony. “You look fucking beautiful.”

She lowered her head, a smile blooming across her face. “Burleigh Street charity shops came through again.”

He offered her his arm. She took it, and they walked across the grass under the lights as though they belonged there. He kept

stealing sideways glances at her, taking in her proud, upright stance, her serene expression. He remembered how she’d been

at Diana’s party, self-conscious, hiding in the corner. She must be feeling even more out of place here, but if it bothered

her, she was refusing to let anyone see it. She was coming into herself, and it was incredibly sexy to witness.

He reminded himself to focus on the task at hand. “Has Rob found her yet?”

“No.” She looked around with an intent, sweeping gaze. “I’m not going to lie. It feels weird that I’m here to help him kill

her.”

“A fake death to prevent a real one,” he reminded her as his phone buzzed. He opened his sporran and took it out, Esi watching

with amusement. A message from Rob. “He wants us to check the dining hall.”

They headed up the steps into the high-ceilinged space. Up on the dais, the ceilidh band was announcing the last dance to

four long rows of swaying guests.

Heart beating strangely fast, he turned to Esi. “You know, the most efficient way to search a room is to join in Strip the

Willow.”

She gave him a knowing smile. “Really.”

He held out his hand. She took it, and he led her to the top of the group of dancers.

“I don’t know the steps,” she protested as the band started up.

“See that guy?” He pointed to the caller. “He’s literally going to be yelling them out.” As the familiar music filled him, he whooped and grabbed her arms, spinning her round and round until she threw back her head with laughter.

They spiralled down the line, dancing with a new partner every few beats, always coming back to each other. He made a token

attempt to look for Efua, but the truth was he couldn’t keep his eyes off Esi. She was on fire, matching him step for step,

putting her own spin on the moves he’d known since he was a child. They kept dancing, as the ceilidh band gave way to an Outkast

song that sounded like it was from the future, Esi moving with sweet abandon, her cheeks glowing, completely at one with herself.

He wanted to forget why they were really here. He wanted to stay with her in a vibrating, endless now.

And then, over her shoulder, he saw her. Efua. She wore an elegant green gown, her hair twisted up into a bun with an ornamental

wooden comb tucked into one side. He was wondering if that was her weapon when she took something out of her clutch: a small

blue parcel made of tissue paper.

“Confetti grenade.” He touched Esi’s arm and pointed. They followed her out of the dining hall, down the steps, across the

lawn towards the chocolate fountain. At the front of the queue was Rob, oblivious. “Fuck. Chocolate fountains. His one weakness.”

Esi grabbed his arm. “She’s going to get him any second.”

“Time for a distraction.”

She let out a nervous laugh. “Maybe we should have actually planned this.”

His mind raced. “Your mum’s into romance, right?”

“Joe,” she warned him, but they were out of time. He took her hands and pulled her back with him, until they were standing between Efua and Rob. He tried to channel what he’d learned from Diana, her absolute confidence when she was playing a role, her disregard of what anyone watching would think of her.

“I told you,” he said, projecting his voice to the crowd. “She means nothing to me.”

Esi’s eyes widened as she caught on. She drew herself up in queenly affront. “Then why were you kissing her?”

“I thought I was in love with her. But I wasn’t. I was in love with the idea of being in love with her.” He wasn’t sure when

it had stopped being a performance and turned into the truth. “She wants to be a work of art,” he said simply. “I want to

be happy.”

Her voice was softer now. “And what makes you happy?”

He pulled her close. She came willingly, sliding her arms around his neck, staring into his eyes. It’s not real , he reminded himself as his heart pounded, as her lips parted. They were only doing this so she could get what she wanted

and go.

He tore his gaze away from her, looking over her shoulder. Efua was watching them open-mouthed, a hand on her heart. Behind

her, Rob crept the last few steps and draped the knitted circle neatly over her. “Death by gravitational singularity,” he

explained, then chivalrously helped to extricate her from it.

“Really?” said Efua, fighting her way free. “You got approval from the Umpire for this?”

“She’s a physicist too,” Rob admitted. “That probably helped.”

Efua carefully extricated the last strands of black hole from her comb and slid it back into place. “Congratulations, Entropy,”

she said, grudgingly shaking Rob’s hand.

He grinned. “I told you. It’s going to—”

“Get you in the end,” she completed wearily. “I know.” Hope flickered across her face. “Wait. Isn’t there a theory that people

could survive falling into a black hole?”

“Absolutely,” said Rob with an enthusiastic grin. “There’s so much we don’t know. Which is why I also made sure to coat my

hand in contact poison.” He showed her his palm, which he had painted ultramarine blue. “Belt and braces, you know.”

She shook her head. “Guess we’re even.”

“Good game, Darcy.”

“Good game.” She turned away, dropping her confetti grenade back into her clutch.

Rob ran up and enveloped Joe and Esi in a crushing hug.

“Congratulations, Master Assassin,” said Joe, laughing.

Rob kissed first Esi and then Joe resoundingly on the cheek. “I love you both. Now go. Have fun.” He pointed back at them

as he walked away. “And don’t forget, you still owe me an explanation.”

“Absolutely,” called Joe, waving.

“Are you actually going to tell him the truth?” Esi murmured.

“Aye, I think so. He deserves it.” He watched Rob run into the embrace of his Assassin friends. Efua was sitting nearby, her

smile wavering. He leaned in to speak in Esi’s ear. “What about her? She looks like she needs cheered up.”

She turned to him, so close he could kiss her, a look of awed terror in her eyes. “What if I change her future?”

“That’s the point, isn’t it?” He shrugged. “Change her next five minutes. Make them better.”

She gave him a wide, full-hearted smile. Hesitantly, then with resolve, she walked over.

Efua looked up and made room for her on the bench. He didn’t want to eavesdrop, but as the conversation around them ebbed and flowed, he couldn’t help overhearing fragments.

“Your hair looks amazing,” Esi said.

“I was worried about it raining. Didn’t realise it’d have to withstand a black hole.” They both laughed. “Yours is incredible.

Where did you get it done?”

“At home. My housemate has a gift. Took her hours, but at least I got to catch up on the latest about this librarian she has

a crush on.”

They laughed again, their voices subsiding into a murmur. He watched Esi, how her nerves gave way to smiles, how she gradually

leaned in, like a compass drawn to the north.

“So you’re really into Assassins?” he heard her ask.

Efua nodded. “Trying to survive here, it’s—intense. I just sometimes need to let it all out by killing people, you know?”

Esi laughed—God, he loved her laugh, the way her eyes screwed up in joy, an unshed tear spilling to the ground. “Yeah. I get

it.” She looked at her mum with trembling hope. “So? Did you survive?”

“Oh, I more than survived.” A smile broke across her face. “I found my people. I made this place my own.”

Their voices lowered again. As she listened, Esi looked up at him and laughed, her face glowing. He just gazed at her, knowing

he probably looked like a lovesick idiot, but not really caring enough to stop.

She stood up, her voice rising again. “You’re amazing, by the way. You should know that.”

Efua looked up with delighted surprise. “So are you.”

They embraced, holding each other tight. Esi said something in her ear before she walked away. Efua watched her leave with

a puzzled smile.

Joe took in her face as she came back to him, shining with deep, fierce joy. “Did you tell her who you are?”

She looked back over her shoulder, waving. “No.”

He looked at her curiously. “So what did you say to her?”

She smiled, tears glinting in her eyes. “I told her everything’s going to be okay.”