Page 8 of Love and Death (Tempting the Fates #4)

HAZEL

I sink back against the wall once Cerberus’ footsteps finally fade from earshot and allow the ensuing silence to swallow me whole. My mind drifts aimlessly, wrapped in a comforting blanket of numbness, as I refuse to come to terms with all that’s just happened.

It isn’t until I reach up to scratch away an itch that I’m reminded of the blood still staining my fingertips … not to mention the wound on my neck.

My stomach twists.

Cauterized or not, I need to clean it, and quickly.

Forcing my way through the mental fog, I push away from the wall and stumble over to the adjoining room. Pulling off the tattered remains of my clothes, I tear off a strip of fabric and dip it in the bath’s steaming water before turning to face the mirror.

My breath catches in my throat, my reflection stopping me in my tracks. I stare at myself for a long moment, hardly recognizing the girl in the glass, before taking a tentative step forward .

Dried blood stains my mouth and neck, streaking down over my shoulder and chest from the congealed mixture Cerberus slathered across my skin. Bracing myself, I lift the wet cloth to dab at the wound, but the hiss of pain I’d expected does not come.

Frowning, I step closer to my reflection, slowly scrubbing at my neck with more and more vigor. As the blood and grime come away, I’m surprised to see that it isn’t a fresh wound that’s revealed, but the pale lines of a scar.

I grimace at the sight.

Two jagged crescent moons now taunt me, the raised skin glistening ever so softly in the dim light as a permanent reminder of my shame.

Of course, I knew Cerberus had bitten me, but what I hadn’t anticipated was just how obvious, and entirely feral-looking, the mark would be.

Dropping the soiled rag to the floor, I tilt my head slightly to get a better look at the scar as I absentmindedly reach up to trace its outline with my fingertips.

I’m immediately made to regret my carelessness. As soon as I touch the mark, I double over, my stomach churning as wave after wave of excruciating pain and nausea crash through me.

The air grows thick and stifling around me as I find myself gasping for air. Sweat beads across my skin, plastering the heavy waves of my hair to my body as they become slick with it.

It takes me yet another gasping breath to realize what I’ve done, my hand still pressed to my neck, before my knees give out and I finally collapse to the floor.

My body drops against the stone with a heavy thud, knocking my hand free of the scar in the process. Almost instantly, the unnatural pain and nausea subside, the physical pain and certain bruising of my fall nothing short of relief in comparison.

A cold shiver runs down my spine as the air cools once again, and I take several deep breaths as I try to pull myself back together.

But I can’t.

The numbness that I’d allowed to settle over me when Cerberus left is gone, the sheer agony of the moment shocking me back to reality.

I feel as if I’ve been ripped wide open, the physical pain nothing …

nothing in comparison to the shattering of my heart as I’m finally forced to come to terms with everything that’s happened.

He’s gone.

Death … Sydian is gone, and it’s all my fault.

Pushing myself up unto my knees, I sit back on my heels and stare, unseeing, ahead.

My eyes blur with tears, my breaths becoming painfully sharp, as my mind fills with him. With memories of days spent together in his realm, of my gifted studio, the dresses, Knax … the tenderness in Sydian’s eyes.

His touch.

My heart screams in agony as I’m reminded of his every small kindness. Of the sheer lengths he’d go to just to see me smile.

He gave me everything, and yet, he never asked anything of me in return.

And what did I do?

I betrayed him at the first sign of trouble .

I repaid his kindness with distrust.

I thought he didn’t deserve me, but in the end, it was I who didn’t deserve him.

What a fool I’ve been. I am alive now, only because he is not.

Closing my eyes, I throw back my head and scream into the nothingness, my heartache all too much to bear. Anything, anything , would be better than this.

I reach up to touch the mark.

Pain is all I deserve.

It’s just as excruciating as before, and I can feel my senses begin to pull away from me.

Stop.

Death’s voice rings out clearly in my mind, drawing me back from the edge of oblivion as my hand is startled away from my neck. My body continues to tremble as I glance around the room, half-expecting to see him step from the shadows.

But, of course, he doesn’t.

I am alone here … but, perhaps I don’t have to be.

Without giving myself a chance to think, I reach up and wrap my fingers around my throat again. Just as before, searing pain tears through me the moment I touch the scar, but I don’t care.

It works.

Enough, little one!

Again, his voice fills my mind just as I reach the edge of consciousness, but this time, I refuse to let go, even as I crumple forward in agony.

Curling up on the hard floor, I dig my fingers in harder, pushing myself to the brink of oblivion in an effort to drown out the tempest raging within my heart.

I can feel the life draining from me, everything that ties me to this existence slowly slipping away as I cling to the echo of his voice in my head.

Then, just when I think I won’t be able to survive much more of this self-inflected torment, my body goes limp, and my hand drops to the floor beside me.

I want to continue, to hear his voice once more, but I can’t. Numbness sweeps in, momentarily dulling the pain as shadows creep in around the edges of my vision.

Maybe, if I am lucky, these are the very same shadows that will finally carry me away from this place and back to him. Though I know this is impossible, a small smile still forms on my lips as the room fades to blissful nothingness …

Where even nightmares cannot reach me.