Page 68 of Lord of Ruin (The Age of Blood #2)
“And I still don’t. I still don’t think that anyone should have a throne at all.” He leaned in, his words a whisper, an offering of his most fervent hopes and his wildest dreams. “And we can change that, Shan. All you have to do is stand with us.”
“Us?” The single word burned on her lips as realization came crashing through her, all their conversations and decisions of the past few months reframed as she understood the breadth of the tapestry before her. “It was more than saving him. You’ve been on his side this entire time.”
Samuel didn’t so much as blink. “I do not understand how this could be a surprise. I gave so many signs.”
He had, but she had refused to see them, as if by turning her face from it their problems would disappear. She had refused to see it because she couldn’t bear the fact that the one good thing in her life wasn’t good at all.
“You,” she all but gasped, the pain of it so intense that she thought it might tear her in two, “you were supposed to be on my side.”
“Shan,” he chastised, like she was a child acting out, like he was so tired of her excuses and deflections. “This isn’t about sides. It’s never been about sides, and you know that. It’s about what is right .”
“And Isaac killing his way through the Blood Workers of Aeravin,” Shan snarled, “that is right ?”
“Yes,” Samuel replied with that stone-cold certainty of his. “Because each and every one of them is an active participant in the King’s plans. They live off the stolen blood, they built a society that keeps the Unblooded in their place, in the mud beneath their boots.”
Each new point felt like a nail hammered into the coffin, another slap to the face.
But Samuel was far from done. “None of them are innocent, Shan, and though I never expected you to fully understand the horrors of the world that you were born to, I had hope that you were serious about the claims that you wanted to change Aeravin for the better.”
“I do—”
“You don’t,” Samuel interrupted her, “not really. You wanted your brother safe. You wanted me safe. You want those Unblooded you care for to be protected, but you don’t care about the Unblooded .”
Shan ripped her hands out of his, covered her face as she felt the tears start to threaten.
Because—he wasn’t wrong. It was a truth she kept hidden for so long, even from herself.
She had wrapped it in trappings of love, in the goodness she longed to believe she was capable of, but Samuel was right.
Everything she had done had been first for Anton, and Anton alone. And everything since then—that had been for power. A single taste of it and she had fallen, desperate to cling to whatever shreds of authority and domination she could seize.
“I tried.”
“I know,” Samuel said, with such tenderness that it felt like a bruise, “but after today, after seeing what you and the King have done, I cannot continue to be part of this. So please, come with me.”
She didn’t understand. “Come with you?”
“Back to Dameral, back to Isaac.” He was a breath away from begging, and Shan felt like she might be sick. “Stand with us, help us break this system before it breaks you.”
She wanted to, she wanted it with all her heart, to slip into the carriage with him at first light and leave it all behind. But it wasn’t that simple. “You know the King asked me to stay.”
“He did, but we can find an excuse.”
A helpless laugh bubbled up her throat. Oh, that sweet, sweet idealism. “We cannot— I cannot.” He was asking too much of her. Everything she had fought so long for, every long-earned victory and every painful sacrifice that she had made. “I have to stay.”
Samuel swallowed hard, licked his lips. “That’s all right, then. It’s better, actually. You can find out more about what he’s—”
“Samuel, please,” she ground out, because he didn’t understand.
Still, she was thankful that he stopped immediately, that he still respected her enough for this.
“I did not mean just for this trip.” The silence between them grew, tense as a wire about to snap.
“I know I cannot make you understand, but this is the only option we have. If you care about… us, you will find a way to make Isaac stop. For all of our sakes.”
Samuel’s eyes glistened, unshed tears turning their bright tone into emeralds. “I cannot do that.”
“Well, it looks like we have reached an impasse.” Shan glanced up at him through her eyelashes, unable to bring herself to look at him directly.
“We have.” Stepping away at last, Samuel leaned against the mantle, his back to her. “I trust you will not go and tell the King first thing in the morning.”
She hated that he even had to ask, but even as much as it smarted, she couldn’t blame him. “I will not. But…” It took everything in her to force out the next question. “What about us?”
Samuel glanced back, the fire gilding him in a golden glow that stole her breath away. “I honestly don’t know.”
Shan unhooked the clasp keeping her claws in place, the chains slacking as she unwound them. Fingers free, she used her other hand to pull the ring off, heavy in her hand as she deposited it on the mantle, inches from Samuel. “Hold onto this then.”
“Shan—”
“You can give it back to me,” she continued, “when you’ve decided for sure. And if… if not, I understand.”
He turned, reaching out for her, but she slipped past, dodging his attempts as she made a direct line for the door, putting an entire wall between them.
She didn’t lock the door behind her.
Collapsing onto her bed, silent tears streaming down her face, she waited for him to knock, to burst into the room, to crawl under the covers and hold her till the shaking stopped.
She waited and waited, but he never came, the night slipping away to the early light of dawn, the pressure in her chest growing tighter with each passing moment.
So, it was decided.
They were over.