Page 13

Kendry

Being with Zale felt completely different from anyone I’d ever been with. Two orgasms (four if you counted both of us) into our relationship, and I was happily surprised that it had all felt so natural and deep. We were rubbing and getting hard and sucking and all that stuff, but it was more caring and loving than anyone had ever shown me before. Was this what it was like to make love?

Uh-oh. It was happening so fast. I couldn’t help but still think if he wasn’t a daddy he’d drift away from me sooner or later. Why would he want to be with a little?

But then, to be fair, he’d made the same statement out loud. He was unsure about me because he thought I only wanted a real daddy.

Now I’d blurted out my deepest fantasy right when we’d shared such fantastic intimacy.

“Can I call you Daddy now?”

“You can call me whatever you want,” he said, voice slurred.

He was still groggy. Still high from sex. From me. I’d given him the best blow job I’d ever given anyone, and I was very proud of myself.

“I don’t want you to just agree if you don’t like it.”

“I like whatever you want to do to me.” He shifted, holding me tighter in his arms.

“I know you don’t really want to be a daddy, but it’s going to slip out of me now and again. I’m just warning you.”

“Whatever it means to you, you can call me that. I just don’t want to disappoint you.”

Wow. Maybe we needed to go over the definition of Daddy a second time more clearly with each other.

I rolled over to face him. His eyes were open. He was not sleeping, just staring at me with a teasing smile on his face, his dark hair in his eyes.

“We need to talk about daddies.” My words came out blunter than I’d intended.

His eyebrows narrowed. He almost looked hurt.

I reached out to trace them with my forefinger. “You have an idea in your head about that and I do, too. I want to discuss it.”

Maybe it was the wrong time. Maybe not. But I needed to talk.

He nodded. “I’ll tell you anything.”

I blinked hard. “And we’ll both be honest?”

“I want nothing more than honesty between us, honey. It’s never been my intention to mislead you.”

“Good. I’ll go first. I’m going to tell you what I think about daddies in general, and then what I think a good daddy might be like. It’s been hard because I haven’t had a lot of experience with very good ones.”

“Okay.”

“First. There’s the role-playing type of daddy. When I first identified as little, I thought I should be attracted to that type. That it must be right for me because what I knew, which was not very much, was that boys and littles needed that in their lives. It would make them feel complete.”

Zale nodded, watching me with a gaze so intent I could barely concentrate.

“I pursued that for a while which led me to the club. At the club, suddenly there were lots of daddies and littles and I felt I’d found my crowd. It was a great feeling. Daddies came to me and flirted and took me out. They gave me toys and stuff and I thought it was great. But I guess I was na?ve.”

“Why?”

“Because after they plied me with toys and fun clothes, I would fall for them and then, you know. We’d go to bed, you know. And after that they didn’t want more. Like the first daddy I had went out with other boys. I didn’t know he would do that, so it surprised me. And hurt me.”

“You both had different expectations,” Zale observed.

“Completely. The first couple of times that happened, the relationship faded fast. I thought I’d just picked the wrong guy. But when it happened again, I thought it was me. That something was wrong with me. Then one daddy talked to me about it and said if I was looking for something more, I needed to be upfront about that. So I was upfront the next time.”

“And did it go better?”

“No. He didn’t cheat on me, but he was too tired all the time and too busy to play with me. And then all he wanted was for me to be his toy if you know what I mean. I left fast. I never returned any of his calls.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Zale’s voice came out soft and low.

“When you met me, I was taking a break. But I still liked to hang out in the playroom. It made me feel accepted for who I was. Like a home away from home.”

“I understand that.”

“I didn’t know what I wanted anymore. I guess I wanted something more substantial but nothing I was doing was working.”

“It’s very hard to find relationships for people like us.”

“Like us?”

“The kink community has couples and throuples and polycules. It has everything, open relationships, closed but enjoying public displays, all kinds. But I’ve found in my own experiences most people want to come and go. Literally. They want hookups.”

“Yes, and the littles with permanent daddies were nice to see, and made me feel comfortable and accepted, but I was looking for single guys.” I sighed. “It just didn’t work.”

“So back to the original topic,” Zale prompted. “Tell me what a good daddy might be like for you.”

I took a deep breath. “Someone who just, well, who cares.” Why did I tear up when I said that? “Really, that’s it. Someone who takes his time with me to get to know me. It’s a huge thing and I haven’t gotten it before.”

“Before?”

“Well, you’re taking the time. I like that.” I didn’t want to pressure him. The words came tumbling out, so I went forward. “I guess I was looking at the uniform of a daddy at first, ticking off all the boxes of what a daddy should be and do. I like that stuff, but if there isn’t more, it’s not lasting. Then I get disappointed.” I didn’t add heartbroken, but it had happened.

“When we met we were both on a break at the same time for the same reasons,” Zale said.

“Yeah.” I pressed my head to his chest. “Weird, huh?”

“The reason I didn’t come on to you was because I believed we were from two different worlds and just sharing a moment. It wasn’t because I didn’t find you attractive. You are.”

My insides popped with sparks.

“Later,” he continued, “I decided I felt relaxed and comfortable around you and I didn’t want to jeopardize that. I really valued our friendship and I didn’t want to do anything to unbalance that or offend you.”

“We’re both gay. Why would I be offended? Even as a little, I like men…”

“I just thought you wanted to be left to yourself. You were alone when I met you. Plus, the rumors were—” He stopped abruptly.

“Oh. We talked about that. The ace thing? You didn’t actually say that was the rumor, but I figured it out.”

“Yeah. The rumors.”

I gulped back a bunch of feelings that started to come up. Anger. Hurt. Regret. Embarrassment.

“It was probably Rod. Or Travis. They gossip and exaggerate, I guess.”

“They probably have small egos,” Zale replied. “They have to have a reason they’re rejected so they say things and make assumptions because it can’t be because of them.”

“Thanks for saying that.”

“I want to be clear and honest with you, Kendry.”

I knew he wanted me to look at him, but I couldn’t.

“Honey, you can be whatever you want or need to be with me and I’ll still want to ask you to spend the night with me from now on. Even if it’s just to be near you.”

I didn’t move. I didn’t quite comprehend his words. There was no way they were real. They couldn’t be the words I’d been wanting to hear for so long, could they?

“You want to be near me?”

“I do.”

“Like date me?”

He smiled and leaned in to kiss my shoulder. “Not only date you, but exclusively you.” He paused. “What do you say?”

“Pinch me.”

“What?”

“I must be dreaming.”

“Why? Is that an odd request?”

I giggled when his nose tickled my chin. “It is for me.”

“Oh honey.” He pushed himself up just enough to kiss me.