Page 16
Story: Lionheart
Vanora snuggled against Lionheart, waiting for him to speak. When he said naught, she touched his chest. "You would be more comfortable if you took off your tunic."
Her words must have awakened his demons, for he jumped out of bed and glared down at her. "Damn you! You must be feeling smug right now. I know not what you did to me, but it will not happen again." He groped for his chausses and yanked them on.
Vanora felt as if her world had just exploded. "Why did you make love to me?"
"We rutted, Vanora. There was no love involved. I but followed the dictates of my cock. You wanted me, and I obliged."
"Get out! Get out and never come back. I cannot bear the sight of you."
Lionheart stared at her a long, silent moment, then stormed off.
He could not believe what had just happened, what he had allowed to happen. 'Twas as if he had no will where Vanora was concerned. This could not go on, he told himself. He needed to get away for a time, to clear his mind and heart of his wife's influence. Aye, 'twas what he would do. He would escort Althea back to England himself and . . .
Nay, that would never do. He could not risk losing Cragdon. Daffid and his cohorts were still a threat to his holdings; he could trust no one but himself to defend the keep. Sir Brandon was a good man but he had not Lionheart's experience. With only twenty men at his disposal, Lionheart knew it was not going to be easy to defend the fortress against Daffid and an army of Welsh savages.
His dilemma loomed large before him. Vanora pulled him to her on an invisible string, and he liked it not. But Lionheart could do naught to control his unruly body where Vanora was concerned. When she fluttered her sooty eyelashes at him, his heart did flip-flops and his loins tightened. What was he to do? The answer, he decided, was to avoid her and spend more time with Althea. Mayhap with time he would be able to summon enough desire for his former leman to bed her.
* * *
Vanora went about her normal duties with a heavy heart during the following days. True to his word, Lionheart made a point of ignoring her. It was as if she did not exist. Even worse, he and Althea were growing closer. Vanora knew not if he was bedding his leman, but all the signs said he was. She had too much pride to ask Mair or one of the servants about Lionheart's sleeping arrangements. During those trying days, Vanora made an effort to avoid Althea, but when their paths happened to cross, Althea was quick to boast about Lionheart's attendance upon her. Though Althea's ankle had healed, Lionheart had made no attempt to return her to England.
One day Father Caddoc was called to the village on a mission of mercy, and Vanora decided to go with him. Bundling up in her warmest woolen tunic and fur-lined mantle, she rode through the outer bailey where Lionheart was training his men.
Despite the cold, he had stripped to the waist, the exposed parts of his body glistening with sweat. Her gaze lingered on his bronzed torso, admiring his bulging biceps and the muscles rippling across his back. Magnificent was too tame a word to describe him. How she missed him: their verbal sparring, the darkening of his silver eyes when he made love to her, his hard body covering hers.
She wanted to hate him for his blatant disregard for her but could not. He allowed her no opportunity to get close to him, to try to make things right between them. She understood his pride; why could he not understand hers? The man was impossible.
Dragging her gaze away from his impressive form, Vanora tried to concentrate on her mission in the village. A villein's wife was dying, and she was bringing warm blankets and food to the family. Mair had already used all her knowledge of healing to treat Bretta, but she had not improved and death was near.
Vanora's mind was still on the sick woman when she heard Lionheart roar for her to stop. She reined in and waited for him. This would be the first time he had spoken directly to her in a fortnight, and she wondered why he deigned to speak to her now.
"Go on ahead, Father," she instructed. "I shall follow after I have spoken with Lionheart."
"Are you certain?" the priest asked worriedly.
"Aye. Gordy's wife needs you more than I do."
Lionheart loped easily up to her and grasped the reins. "Where do you go?"
"To bring food and warm clothing to a villein's family. The wife lies near death, and I would offer what comfort I can to the family. May I go now?"
His eyes narrowed. "Aye, as long as you do not go to Daffid."
"I am naught to you, Lionheart. You said I could go where I pleased."
"Does it please you to go to Daffid?"
"Not unless you drive me to him," she taunted. "I would have been content as your wife if you had not cast me from your life."
"You are still my wife."
"Am I?" Would he accept her challenge? "You want me not."
"You are wrong, wife. I want you with every breath I take. I cannot look at you without wanting you. But I am too strong to become a victim of your lies. My own mother found naught in me to love, so why should I believe you would be different?"
"Your mother? What has she got to do with us?"
"I misspoke. I do not wish to talk about that woman. I merely wanted to warn you that I will banish you to a convent should you betray me with another man."
"I thought you had no care for what I did," she goaded.
"Challenge me not, Vanora, for you cannot win. I will not be humiliated by your indiscretions."
Indignation stiffened her shoulders. "What about your indiscretions?"
"What about them?"
She jerked the reins from his hand. "Go to the devil, Lionheart, and take your leman with you!" Lionheart lifted his head, inhaled sharply of the cold, exhilarating air, and laughed. He had not felt so alive since he had last made love, nay, rutted with Vanora. How he missed her! Her keen wit and acid tongue, her sleekly muscled body . . . God's blood, why did his life have to be so complicated?
Invigorated, he returned to the training field, ready to take on all twenty of his men and their squires. * * *
Vanora entered the village and reined her mount toward Gordy's wattle-and-daub hut. She knew she was too late when she saw a group of weeping women gathered outside the hut. Her heart sank. She dismounted and pushed her way through to the door.
"Is she gone?" Vanora asked a bent old woman hovering in the doorway.
"Aye, Bretta is in peace now." She wiped away a tear. "What will become of her little ones?"
Vanora had no answer as she entered the hut and knelt beside Father Caddoc to offer prayers for the dead woman. Three small children huddled around their father, tears streaming down their pale little faces.
"Whatever will I do without my Bretta?" Gordy sobbed. "I cannot care for the children myself, my lady."
"Do you have relatives?"
"Aye, a sister."
"Would she be willing to help out?"
"Aye, she is a widow with no children, but I have no means to get her here. She lives a half day's journey from Cragdon."
"After Bretta is buried, I shall lend you a horse so you can fetch her," Vanora offered.
"I will care for the children until Gordy returns," a woman said from the doorway. "Take the children outside so we can prepare your wife's body for burial."
"I will help," Vanora offered.
"Nay, my lady, 'tis not right."
"Go home, Vanora," Father Caddoc urged. "Leave the food and blankets with me. I will pray over Bretta and see that the children are warm and fed."
Vanora gave reluctant agreement. "When you are ready, Gordy, come to the keep, and I will see that you are given a horse for your journey."
Too grief-stricken to speak, Gordy nodded. Then the women who had come to prepare the body edged Vanora out of the cramped hut. After handing Father Caddoc the food and blankets she had brought, Vanora left. She was approaching the outskirts of the village when she heard someone call out to her. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Sir Ren behind her.
"Lady Vanora, I have been waiting daily for you or Father Caddoc to come to the village."
"What has happened, Sir Ren?"
"Daffid approached me and Cragdon's knights about joining his army. He plans to attack Cragdon when he has enough men behind him."
"I hope you heeded my warning and refused him."
"Aye. I do not like the English any better than the next man, but as long as we are at peace with England, I will not join a rebellion. Naught will bring Edward's wrath down upon our heads like an uprising."
"You are wise, Sir Ren. I shall apprise Lord Lionheart of Daffid's plans."
"Daffid believes the castle is weak, that it lacks warriors to defend it."
" Tis true, I fear."
"We want to return to Cragdon. We remain faithful to you and wish to defend your lands against
aggression, be it English or Welsh. I told the others I would speak to you about it. Will your husband allow us to return if we swear fealty to him? Does he wish to kill me for shooting an arrow into him?"
"Lionheart has unmasked me, and he knows that you wounded him in order to save my life. He would have slain me had you not prevented it. I know not what is in Lionheart's heart and cannot predict his reaction to your appearance at Cragdon. Will you still want to swear fealty if it means imprisonment? "
He nodded. "I would risk it for you and Cragdon, aye."
"And for Lionheart?"
"He is your husband and our new liege lord. Giving our loyalty to you would be the same as offering it to him."
"Where are the others? Did they come with you?"
"Aye. Ten knights and their squires await your answer."
Glancing past Sir Ren, Vanora saw Cragdon's warriors fanned out behind him. For a moment she was too close to tears to speak.
"What say you, my lady?" Sir Ren asked.
"Aye, come with me and I will entreat Lionheart on your behalf," Vanora said, praying she was not making a mistake. If she led these good men to imprisonment or worse, she would never forgive herself. But Lionheart had said he would be lenient if they swore fealty to him. And they did carry word of Daffid's plans. That should prove their worth to Lionheart.
* * *
Lionheart heard the sentry's warning before the riders reached the outer portcullis and hurried out to meet them, his fear escalating when he saw Vanora surrounded by Cragdon's former defenders. What did they want? Had they taken Vanora hostage? He should have known better than to let her go to the village without an escort. If they had hurt her . . .
Sir Brandon caught up with him. "The archers are positioned on the battlements and await your orders."
"I do not want Vanora hurt. The archers are to hold until I hear Sir Ren's demands."
Vanora approached the portcullis alone. Lionheart was there to meet her.
"Raise the portcullis," Vanora said.
"Are you hurt?" Lionheart asked, peering at her through the iron bars.
Vanora sent him a startled look. "Why would my own men hurt me? Nay, Lionheart. Sir Ren sought me in the village to warn me about Daffid. Daffid is gathering the remnants of Llewellyn’s disbanded army and intends to attack the castle."
"You lied to me again," Lionheart charged. "You went to the village to meet with Ren. What are they doing here? My archers are in place and awaiting my signal."
"Nay, I did not lie! I did not know Ren was in the village. He and Cragdon's former defenders come in peace. They wish to swear fealty to you. They want to defend Cragdon against Daffid's attack."
Lionheart found that difficult to believe. "I still bear the scar from Sir Ren's arrow."
"Had he not wounded you, you would have slain me. Is that what you wish?"
"I wish our paths had never crossed," Lionheart gritted from between clenched teeth.
In truth, he would have been devastated had he slain Vanora; he ought to thank Sir Ren for preventing such a catastrophe. "How do I know they will not slay me in my sleep?"
"They are knights. Their word is their honor. Once they swear fealty, they will not betray you."
He glanced past Vanora at the waiting men. "Very well, I will speak to them. Raise the portcullis," he called to the sentry.
Sword in hand, Lionheart stood aside as the men rode through the portcullis. When they were all inside, Lionheart bellowed, "Stop right there! Dismount."
The knights and their squires dismounted and stood facing Lionheart. Lionheart paused before each man, judging his trustworthiness by looking into his eyes. After a lengthy inspection, he asked, "Do you accept me as your liege lord? Do you pledge fealty to me?"
"And to your lady," Sir Ren added.
As one, the knights and their squires knelt before Lionheart and pledged their fealty.
"You will be kept under surveillance until you prove yourselves," Lionheart maintained. "Any suspicious activity will be reported to me immediately. Sir Brandon is the new captain of the guards, Sir Ren. Are you willing to serve under him?"
"Aye. I vow to serve you and your lady with the same loyalty I gave to the previous lord of Cragdon."
"So be it," Lionheart said. "Sir Brandon!" The knight stepped forward. "See to the men's billeting and assign them duties."
"You will not regret it, my lord," Sir Ren vowed.
Vanora turned her mount toward the keep. "Wait," Lionheart ordered. She reined in sharply.
"What now? I am tired. Bretta's death has saddened me. Her family is bereft. She left three small children and a grieving husband."
Lionheart's expression softened. "I will see what I can do to ease their lot."
"I already offered Gordy the use of a horse to fetch his widowed sister to care for his motherless children. Friends offered to care for the children in his absence."
Though loath to let her go, Lionheart stood aside. "Go, but heed my warning, wife. I allowed .our knights to return against my better judgment. Do not conspire with them against Edward or me. Cragdon is mine, and I hold what is mine."
"Do you, Lionheart? Do you hold what is yours? I think not."
Her challenge rang in his head long after she galloped off. What was she implying? It had taken a11 his willpower to remain aloof from her this past fortnight. Though Althea had tried to revive the passion he had once felt for her, he remained unmoved. 'Twas Vanora he wanted and Vanora he could not allow himself to trust . . . to love.
Vanora said she loved him. He wanted to believe her, he truly did, but a perverse demon inside told him he was unlovable.
Althea did not love him. He only served a purpose in her life. Nor did Vanora love him. How could she when he had forced her into a distasteful marriage?
Then how to explain Vanora's passion? he wondered. He did not know. Nor could he explain her need to don armor and wield a sword. Women's minds were convoluted and beyond understanding. If he did not hold firm against Vanora's wiles, he could lose his soul to her.
Despite his reservations, he was proud of the way Vanora had defended her former knights and turned the hard edge of his anger into acceptance. If not for Vanora, her knights would be occupying Cragdon's dungeon. He had forgiven Sir Ren for wounding him, for he knew he would have done the same if an enemy threatened Vanora.
Lionheart firmly believed that the situation between him and Vanora had to be resolved. Just being in the same room with his enticing wife drove him mad with wanting. Ignoring her had not worked. Nor had dancing attendance upon another woman. Perhaps, he thought, smiling, he should do as his body demanded and make love, nay, rut with Vanora and appease the hunger raging inside him. She was his wife. Why should he not take advantage of his God-given right?
Lionheart returned to the training field, but his mind was not on his sword. After a time he gave up and returned to the keep. He saw Vanora speaking with Sir Penryn and joined them.
"Is there a problem?"
"Nay, my lord," Penryn replied. "Lady Vanora and I were discussing whether or not we had ample supplies to see us through the winter. I told her I would check the storerooms and granary."
"Inform me of your findings, Sir Penryn. If need be, we can purchase what we need from neighboring estates or the closest town."
Sir Penryn took his leave. Vanora turned away, but Lionheart stopped her. "I would have a word with you, Vanora."
"And I with you."
Their conversation was forestalled by Althea's arrival.
"Who are those strange men in the keep, Lionheart? They look like Welshmen."
"They are Welshmen," Lionheart answered. They are Cragdon's former defenders."
"What are they doing here?"
"They have sworn fealty and are joining my garrison."
"Are you mad? We will all be slain in our sleep." Her spiteful gaze fell on Vanora. "I suppose we can thank her for this."
"My knights are honorable men," Vanora asserted. "They would never break their pledge."
"I have been thinking, Althea," Lionheart began. "Now that we have extra men to defend Cragdon, I can spare two warriors to escort you to your village."
Vanora sent Lionheart a startled look. "You would do that?"
"Aye. Althea has overstayed her welcome. The weather is still mild and there is no snow as yet. If she does not return now, she will be forced to remain the winter."
"You have been so attentive of late, I thought you wanted me to stay," Althea whined.
Vanora snorted. "Attentive? Is that a new name for rutting?" She spun on her heel. "If you wish to continue our conversation, my lord, you will find me in the solar."
Lionheart started to follow, but Althea clutched his arm, holding him in check. "You did not mean what you said, did you? We were becoming close again. I do not want to leave you, Lionheart."
Lionheart shrugged free. "We will speak of this later, Althea."
"Why must you pant after her like an obedient puppy? Vanora has but to pull a string and you follow. You are not the man I once knew."
"I agree, I am not the same man," Lionheart said as he strode off.
* * *
Vanora wanted to believe Lionheart meant what he said about sending Althea away, but the leman's words had sorely tried her temper. Vanora did not need to be reminded how attentive her husband had been to Althea. His open display of affection for his leman was the talk of the keep.
When Lionheart had allowed her knights to return, Vanora had begun to hope that he had softened toward her, and that he was ready to forgive her lies. What did he want to discuss with her? Did he want to mend the rift between them?
Vanora spun around toward the door when she heard it open and shut. Her heartbeat accelerated when she saw Lionheart standing before her, his expression unreadable.
"What do you want?"
"We have not finished our conversation." He removed his sword and placed it on a bench.
"What is it you wish to discuss? Before you begin, I thank you for allowing my knights to return to Cragdon."
"I thought we might discuss Althea."
Her chin tilted upward. "That subject does not interest me. Choose another."
"Nay, we will discuss Althea. I was serious about returning her to England. She does not belong here."
Vanora's mouth dropped open in disbelief. "I hardly thought you meant it when you told Althea you were sending her home."
"I rarely say things I do not mean."
"I assumed you were enjoying your leman's attentions."
"You assumed wrong. If you recall, I tried once before to send her home, but fate intervened."
"What are you really trying to say to me, Lionheart? Have you forgiven me?"
"Trust must be earned, Vanora, but I am willing to give you a chance to redeem yourself. I do not now that I can ever forgive you for recklessly endangering your life, but I can ignore your presence no longer. I tried to pretend you did not exist, and I failed."
"You seemed content enough rutting with Althea. And for that I can never forgive you." Deliberately she turned her back on him.
Grasping her shoulders, he swung her around to face him. "Do not turn your back on me. Listen very carefully to what I am about to say. I did not rut with Althea. Not once in all the time she was here."
"Am I supposed to believe you?"
"I am not a liar, Vanora."
Vanora flushed and looked away; his insinuation stung. But could she believe him? "Are you really going to send Althea away?"
"I just said so, did I not? 'Tis not Althea I want."
Joy swelled Vanora's heart. She wanted to hear him say he needed her, and that he cared for her and no other. Swallowing her pride, she asked, "Do you intend for us to share a bed again?"
"I thought I made that clear. Aye, I want you in my bed. You are my wife; 'tis your duty to lie with me."
That was hardly what Vanora wanted to hear. Duty had naught to do with a loving relationship. "Do you love me?"
A long silence ensued. "If you are referring to sentimental love, it does not exist. I enjoy your body. I admire your intelligence, your courage, your pride. Is that not enough upon which to build a life?"
Nay. "I had hoped for more. When I said I loved you, what did you think I meant?"
Another long silence stretched between them. Finally he said, "Women are sentimental creatures. You
probably meant that you enjoy my body as much as I enjoy yours. Somewhere in our relationship we found common ground, and you interpreted that as love."
"Who hardened your heart?" Vanora asked. " 'Tis obvious you have no perception of how women feel or how they think. Did you not love your mother? Love for one's mother is a child's first experience of tenderness. 'Tis the best and truest form of love one can know."
His stony expression and stiff shoulders were the first indication that she was treading in dangerous waters.
"Do not mention my mother to me. She has been banished from my memory and does not exist."
Vanora stared at him. " 'Tis always difficult to lose a dear one. I lost my beloved mother five years ago and miss her every minute of every day."
"You are wrong if you think I miss my mother," Lionheart said with cool disdain. "To my knowledge she is very much alive, but I have had no contact with her since I was too young to recall I even had a mother. She abandoned me."
"I do not understand."
"Nor do I. The very mention of her offends me. I do not wish to discuss her."
Lionheart's startling admission gave Vanora insight into his dealings with women. He could not
e because no one had taught him how. He had barricaded his heart and refused to allow tender sentiments inside because his mother had disappointed him. His own mother had abandoned him. bid the woman have no feelings? 'Twas no wonder Lionheart put no faith in marriage.
"I will not leave you like your mother did," Vanora said quietly. "Though you would have walked away from me and our marriage if Edward had not ordered you to remain at Cragdon, I would have honored our vows. Why did your mother leave you?"
He shrugged. "Father said she took a lover and left me behind when she fled. He may have lied, but it no longer matters. He was not much of a father anyway. I have made my own way in life."
" 'Twas a life without love," Vanora whispered.
"There has been no shortage of women in my life."
Vanora winced. "Did any of them love you?"
"All of them loved me for what I could give them."
"All women are not the same. The kind of women you have known love with their bodies, not their hearts."
" 'Tis simpler that way. There is no room for disappointment when the heart is not engaged."
"I love you with my heart, Lionheart. But even if you neither want my love nor return it, I shall take what you offer."
Lionheart frowned. "And what is that, wife?"
She tossed her head, sending her burnished curls swirling around her shoulders. "A warm body. You are very good at giving pleasure, husband. Though I have had no one to compare you with, I am certain you are the best."
Vanora's words gave Lionheart an uncomfortable feeling in the pit of his stomach. Did he want to be remembered as a warm body and naught else? Did he really want Vanora to stop loving him? Suddenly the idea of being loved piqued his curiosity. He had never felt loved before.
Nay, he thought, shaking his head to clear it of stupid notions. He refused to fall into the trap Vanora had set for him. If he let his guard down and allowed himself to love Vanora, 'twas inevitable that she would disappoint him as his mother had. Vanora had already proven herself untrustworthy.
"Perhaps 'tis best that we enjoy what we have together and forget maudlin sentiments. I am comfortable with the physical relationship that exists between us."
She sent him an exasperated look. "What of children, Lionheart? Will you love them should God in His mercy grant us offspring?"
Lionheart's expression grew pensive. "My children will not lack a father's ..." His sentence ended abruptly.
"A father's love? Is that what you were going to say?"
"God's blood! You confuse me with your words. I will not neglect our children as my parents did me."
"Will you love them?" Vanora persisted.
His expression gave ample insight into his confused mind, but his answer did not disappoint her.
"Aye, damn you, I will love them!"
Vanora sent him a blinding smile. "You do know how to love. Mayhap there is hope for us after all, husband."