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THIRTY-TWO

I LOCK THE BEDROOM door after Grace and Lincoln are down for the night. David and I tear at each other’s clothes. I want him with a desperation I’ve never felt, a sense of urgency born of relief. Yes, times are tough for us, financial problems. But we can handle that. David is still mine. He always was.

He throws me on the bed and climbs on top of me. I wrap my legs around his waist. Everything is okay. Everything that matters is okay.

David knows me; he knows the buttons to punch, my buttons. The first time, I cry out in spite of trying to keep quiet with the kids down the hall, David putting his hand over my mouth and chuckling, sweat from his brow trickling onto my face. My body on fire as David thrusts inside me, two animals going at it as we used to when we first started dating, when we realized that this thing was more than just a thing, it was real, it was forever —

The second time, I mute myself, folding my lips inside my mouth while I let out a slow guttural moan. David can no longer hold back. This time, it’s my hand over his mouth, his jaw clenched, while his body shudders.

He collapses on me, all but smothering me in a way that would feel like smothering if it were anyone else, but it’s David. It’s my husband.

“No, don’t move,” I whisper as he starts to pull out. “Stay here. Stay with me.”

This is it. This is what I want.

We can handle anything if we’re together.

“Money’s just money,” I whisper. “We can figure something out if we have to. We could take out a mortgage. We could sell the house and get something smaller.”

“I could sell the restaurant,” he says, still catching his breath. “We could move to freakin’ Hawaii and start over.”

“You could teach math,” I say.

“You could go back to criminal defense.”

“Whatever we want,” I say, still coming down from the high.

“Whatever we want,” he says. “A fresh start.”

I don’t know how serious we are, but there’s a certain thrill to envisioning it. It is possible. We can do it.

“If you believe it hard enough, you can make it be true,” David whispers.