Page 11

11

PATRICK

“ W ell that settles it,” I say with as much finality as I can muster into my voice. Sure, I’m disappointed that it’s been two days and I haven’t heard from Michael, but I can’t hold on hoping for something that isn’t going to happen. “I’m not going to the damn concert, Tina, and that’s final.”

"Oh, come on, Patrick. It's not like you have to suck the guy off on the first date. I can't believe you're having second thoughts!" Tina is as upset as I've seen her. "It's been what? Two days since he asked you out? How can you already have cold feet?"

"Bestie," I say. "You're going to need to simmer down so I don’t end up with a migraine. You know I don't like telling you what to do, but I'm concerned you might pop a forehead vein or something." I shake my head and put on my pouty face. "And that's not a good look for anyone."

She sighs and flops back onto her chair. The break room at work has been empty for the past thirty minutes, which is odd, but also very much welcome. We've been able to carry on conversations unhindered by the watchful eyes and listening ears of our coworkers.

Gossip is gold here at the club.

Tina grabs my hand. "If you truly don't want to go out with that tall, handsome, well-built hunk of meat... then I support you. But if you're hanging onto some weird idea that nothing can ever compare to that high school fling you had years ago... well, I cannot excuse that."

"You're not wrong," I say. "It's impossible not to think back to that night at prom." My memories come flooding back. The thing is, it wasn't just that night. Ricky and I shared many days and evenings together, exploring our bodies, learning new things to do with our tongues. I sigh.

Tina slaps me hard on the arm.

"Hey, what the hell did you do that for?"

"Snap out of it," she says. "You know I can always tell when the blood starts to pool in your shorts."

I shift, pulling the crotch of my tight uniform out enough to let my boys breathe. "You have no idea what you're talking about. Can we change the subject, please?"

"Not until I have confirmation you're going to go on this date. First of all, he seems like a really nice guy. Even if you don't have romantic sparks, what's the harm in being friends?"

"I don't need friends... I have you."

"Aww," she says and grabs my hand again. "I love you."

The feeling is mutual, but I only manage a smile and a nod. I feel bad because I know I'm manipulating her into letting me off the hook. I want nothing more than to go on this date, but I'm terrified. Plus, I don’t want to appear desperate by texting him first. What if he doesn't like me and I never hear from him again? Or, what if I say something stupid and I never hear from him again? Or, what if I get so excited about seeing Lady Dame that I throw up and then I never see him again?

I could have punched myself in the face at how pathetic I sounded inside my own head. Clearly, there is a theme to my insecurities — abandonment. Being ghosted by a lover is not something I ever want to feel again. It's even more painful than a regular breakup, in my humble opinion.

"Back to my list of reasons you need to go on this date," Tina begins. "You have been dying... and I mean catching the flesh-eating virus in the middle of the Amazon jungle, surrounded by nothing but endless miles of poisonous snakes, spiders, and rivers of piranha."

"I get it... dying."

"Exactly. You've been wanting to see Lady Dame for months ever since you heard about her It's Never Too Late Tour. I think it's a sign."

"You think everything's a sign. Remember that time Mr. Pendleton stuck his hand up my shorts and slipped a fifty-dollar bill inside my jock?"

"Yeah?" She looks confused as to where I'm going with this story.

"I wanted to file a complaint with management, but you convinced me that the fifty dollars was the sign we needed to go on that failed audition."

"Oh, that's right." She slaps the table and starts laughing. "We had to buy blue sweaters for the audition and they were twenty-five a piece. But if you'd complained, management would have made you give that money back to him."

"Exactly," I say. "But remember how bad the audition turned out? There was no way that fifty bucks was a sign."

"What's your point, Patrick? If you don't start looking on the bright side of things, you're never going to find anyone who wants to be with you. No one likes a downer."

She isn't wrong. I need to start living my life, but the idea of rejection and abandonment is a hard thing to get over. But Michael is hot, and Lady Dame is my idol, so fine — I'll go. Even if I have to text him first to make sure he hasn’t found someone else to go with.

"You win," I say.

The door to the employee lounge swings open as I finish my sentence.

"You won what?" Jake asks as he walks in and lets the door close behind him.

Tina and I exchange looks. Her expression tells me she wants to jump across the table and tear his clothes off with her teeth.

She stands and twirls her hair. "We were talking about our upcoming audition."

"Oh," he says, palming back his hair. "Cool. What's the movie?"

"We can't tell anyone that," she says. "These producers are super tight-lipped about their upcoming blockbusters."

"Ah," he says. "You don't know yet. Makes sense."

Tina giggles.

"Tina's agent thinks we have a decent chance of getting a minor role in the movie, but she can't tell us what it is because it hasn't been made public yet."

"What happens if it's a porno?" Jake says, putting his hand up to his mouth to cover a naughty smile.

"Don't be gross, Jake," Tina says. "My agent only sent me on one of those, and she warned me ahead of time."

Jake's eyes go wide. "Wait, you're going to tell me you went on an audition for a porno?"

"If I can," I say. "I'd like to add that sex work is legitimate work."

"Right, but Tina's in a porno?"

"No," she says. "I didn't get the part."

"What part did you audition for? Bukkake bottom?" Jake laughs.

"For your information, I auditioned to be the dingy sidekick. The role I’d have had wasn't nude at all. I was supposed to escort my friend to a bar and then disappear into the night with a handsome stranger, leaving her alone to find love."

"Right, love." Jake crosses his arms. "What happened?"

"Nothing," she says. "I auditioned, but clearly, the producer saw I was overqualified to be some spacey-headed dumb sidekick. His exact words were, 'There's no way she's right for the part.'"

Jake looks at me for a second with an expression that asks if she's being serious. I nod and smile. I feel awful for her. She's tried so hard and for so long to get any acting part in any legitimate movie and has come up with nothing. The world hasn't yet seen the true potential of my best friend.

"Tina, you were way too good for that movie," I say. "Maybe it's a sign we were meant for bigger and better things."

"See," she says with a smile. "Signs are good."

Jake shrugs and goes over to the vending machines and retrieves a candy bar and soda. "I'll see you two later." He winks as he leaves, the door slowly closing behind him as he disappears into the hallway.

"He winked at me," Tina says, bouncing in place. "I bet if I were to approach him after work tonight, ask if he'd like to come over to my place and stream some movies while we chill, he'd say yes."

Despite wanting to go on the date with Michael, I also don't want to lose my bet with Tina. "Are you pushing me to go on this date so you can beat me at our bet? Jake winked at me, actually."

Tina bursts into laughter. "My delusional, misguided, ever-hopeful friend. Mr. Jake Bloom winked at me. Dude, he wants to lick chocolate from my boobs and bury his face in whipped cream and cherries. There's no way he wants to slob on your knob. He likes pussy. Plain and simple."

"If you say so," I say. "Personally, the way he looks at me makes me self-conscious. It's like he's undressing me with his eyes."

"Do you still want to do this bet or not?" Tina asks. "I can tell you're torn."

"I've had my eye on Jake for a while now. Only just met Michael and it's not like we are officially dating each other."

"True."

"How about we keep our bet until after I have my first date with Michael. I can gauge it better that way."

"Sounds like the scientific method if you ask me,” she says with a smile. “Science is science and who are we to argue with that?"

"And math is math," I say before we both burst out laughing. “Neither of us is good at numbers, but we both know we love six to eight inches.”

"You're such a whore and I love it." Tina slaps my arm. "We really need to go back to work. It's been over an hour."

We make our way back to our departments to finish out the day. Tina goes into the salon area of the country club to finish her day waxing old lady coochie and ass crack. I feel sorry for her in that role. Even though she gets to inflict some pain onto her tormentors, she says no matter how many times she reminds them to come back before the stubble turns into a bush, they never listen.

I, on the other hand, will be passing out towels at the pool, fetching drinks, and manning the stretch class. Despite the groping and lewd commentary I'll be subjected to, I rely so much on the tips to make ends meet. Even though, they’ve been a bit shitty lately, I’ve been known to pull in a few hundred on a good night. Especially when my ass is on-point. That money will come in handy when I go shopping for the perfect outfit to meet Michael for the concert. I'm imagining a new pair of jeans and a nice fitted black buttoned-down shirt.

The usual nervousness that accompanies the idea of going on a date settles into my belly like a swarm of butterflies. Excitement, damped slightly by self-doubt, is building the more I give life to the idea of having an actual boyfriend.

"Hey, Patrick," Jake says as he walks past me. "Can I talk to you tonight after our shift?"

I turn to face him as he walks backward away from me waiting for my answer. "Sure, what's going on?"

"Nothing," he says. "I just need to talk to you about something."

"I'm off at ten, but I usually don't get out of here until ten-thirty or so."

"Perfect, same here," he says and smiles. His dimples light up the room and my confidence about going to the concert takes a hit. What if he asks me out?

"Have a good rest of your shift," I say and wave as he's about to round the corner, on his way to the bar area where he mixes drinks for the clients all evening.

He waves back and wags his eyebrows before disappearing from sight.

Goddammit, he’s sexy. I bite my inner lip as I watch him leave. My inner hoe struggling with the good person I know I truly am. I wipe my chin and close my mouth. After all, no one likes a drooler.