Page 24 of Lessons with the Mothman (Monster Smash Agency)

CHAPTER 24

Elias

"I'm sure you're all wondering why I called you here," I said, my hands braced to the bar.

"Not really," Khell said, shrugging.

Rafe raised a hand, like a student waiting to be called on. "I've got a guess."

"Is this not…boys' night?" Theo asked, frowning and glancing at us.

I scowled at Rafe. "What do you mean, a guess?"

"You've got that edgy vibe that Khell had after his appointment with Sunny, when he just wanted to go hunt her down through the city," Rafe said.

"And that hopeless look Rafe had when he thought Hannah didn't want to see him anymore," Khell added, nodding.

"Is this a thing you guys do together?" Theo asked, reaching for his beer.

Rafe and Khell were still waiting for their drinks, waiting for me to deliver them something I'd chosen. I wasn't in the mood. They'd have to order like everyone else.

"You never fucked it up with Natalie and had to regroup?" Rafe asked him.

Theo stared at us. "No?"

"Strictly speaking, I didn't fuck anything up with Sunny," Khell muttered.

I crossed my arms over my chest, irritated and impatient. It had been like pulling teeth to get Rafe to talk about what went wrong with Hannah. I wouldn't dance around the topic. "I told Victoria I loved her. She called me a liar."

My three friends went silent and stared at me until my wings and antennae were twitching with nerves.

"Should I have called the girls?" I snapped.

"Probably," Theo said, taking another sip of his beer.

" Were you lying?" Khell asked.

They all stared at me once more. This wasn't helpful at all .

"Rafe, what did you say to Hannah when you flew out of here to go make up with her?"

Rafe shook his head at me, refusing my bait. "Elias. Were you lying?"

I snarled and threw my hands out. "I don't know! I don't—I don't think so, but I don't know !"

The bar was closed. It was a Sunday. I could shout if I wanted to. They didn't need to look so scandalized.

"Then why did you say it?" Khell asked, rising off the stool he barely fit on.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he rounded the bar.

"Coming to look for a drink," Khell said. "Why did you tell Victoria you loved her?"

I gaped at him.

"Get me one too," Rafe said to him.

"Did she need reassurance?" Theo asked me. At least one of them was paying attention.

"I don't…think so," I admitted, squeezing past Khell. "You might as well play bartender. I want a drink too."

Khell grinned at the invitation.

"She was angry with me," I said, taking Khell's seat.

"Why?" Rafe asked.

"I don't remember asking so many questions when it was you with the problem," I muttered.

"Well, you all knew a lot more about that situation," Rafe said. "Hannah and I guessed you might be involved with Victoria. And I knew you were looking to fall in love, but…you don't give a lot away."

"Victoria is very private," I said, thinking of that tricky little moment when her mother had said the same and I realized that I'd played my hand all wrong.

Playing a role .

Was she right?

"I thought it was time," I said. "You all fell in love quickly. And then from there it was wrapped up fairly neatly."

"You know that was partly to do with mating bonds, though," Khell said, and I scowled at the atrociously green concoction he placed before me, complete with a garish umbrella. Where on earth had he found that?

I frowned and passed the drink to Rafe. "There was a hurdle in our relationship. We overcame it. That's how it goes, isn't it? In the movies, there's arguing, then a confession of love, and then the couple is happy together!"

"Hurdles are a fairly regular relationship occurrence," Theo said.

"Have you been watching rom-coms?" Khell asked, brow furrowing. "Sunny loves to pick apart all the reasons why those couples would never last long-term."

"Then why are they so popular?!" I snarled. No one answered, and I sagged against the bar. "Victoria doesn't think we were in a relationship at all."

"Does she know you were trying to fall in love?" Rafe asked.

The bar was startlingly quiet. Maybe this whole process would've been easier if we were surrounded by crowds.

"It didn't seem prudent to say," I said slowly.

They were quiet.

"She said I was playing a role," I admitted, slumping further into the bar. That was what it was for, after all.

"Do you like her?" Rafe asked.

" Yes ," I said, the word rising up without a thought, tearing out of me. "She's fascinating and brilliant, and the more I know about her, the more I feel I know about myself, like a mirror I'd never bothered to look into before, except the reflection isn't really a reflection at all, somehow. It's an entirely new person who I understand and yet don't know at all."

Khell hummed and set a second drink in front of me. This one was entirely clear, an absolute mystery that I would only solve by tasting. I drew it closer and studied the surface, my own face glaring back, a phantasmal version of me on the surface.

"I don't know how she feels about me," I said slowly.

They all sighed heavily.

"That's the worst part," Theo said, nodding.

"There's only one way to find out," Rafe said. "And trust me, it isn't by assuming you know. And it's not going to be by trying to replicate my relationship, or Khell's, or anybody else's. Do you think you and I are the same person?"

"Absolutely not," I snapped.

Rafe grinned, not taking it hard. Which was part of why I liked Rafe, and Khell and Theo, for that matter. I wasn't the…easiest person to get along with, prickly and proud. I'd heard the phrase "too smart for your own good" plenty from my mother. I'd always been too interested in the rest of the realms and this world for other fae to understand me. But these men dealt with me, not with a begrudging acceptance but a kind of fond amusement. I wouldn't tell them outright what that meant, to be not merely tolerated but enjoyed.

"Victoria doesn't sound like Sunny," Khell said.

I snorted, not dignifying the statement with an answer but letting their point sink in. Except it sank in with uncomfortable pressure, directly at my chest.

"I like her a great deal," I said, my voice quiet. "I wanted to settle us. To be official." I winced at the juvenile term, but it was true. After my mating season had passed, after I'd had Victoria soft and satisfied and happy in my arms, I wanted to keep her that way. I wanted it to be known that I had done so.

"I tried to force that," I admitted.

"You all need to try having conversations ," Theo said.

"You do like to be in control," Rafe said slowly.

I glared at him. "No, I don't."

"Yes, you do," they chorused.

"You choose our drinks for us," Khell pointed out.

"You booked Hannah's band because you wanted to make me face my feelings for her outside of MSA's environment," Rafe said.

I scoffed. "No, I didn't. I was just curious about her."

"Oh. Well."

"Their point is that you can't control another person or their feelings," Theo said. "If you want to fall in love, you just have to hope for the best, be honest, and wait for the other person to be on the same page with you. There's no orchestrating that sort of thing."

I'd designed the roles she and I would play for sex. I'd arranged the rooms, demanded the times, planned what I would do to her.

I like when you choose .

I'd let those words extend too far. My friends weren't telling me anything Victoria hadn't, in violently clear and brutally direct words.

"I'm not sure she wants me at all," I said. I'd been fairly sure before I'd gone bumbling my way into her life last week, but after witnessing her anger, her honest feelings, I had serious doubts.

"Do you want to give up?" Rafe asked. He'd sucked down the drink Khell had made.

I glanced down at my own, untouched, unknown. It could've been water, for all I'd been paying attention.

I raised it to my lips slowly. "I'm not…I'm not sure."

But I knew the real answer. I wasn't ready to lose Victoria. Except now I had absolutely no idea of how to go about keeping her. She was the only one who could answer that for me.