Page 53 of Lessons in Love at the Seaside Salon

CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO

‘Billy, sweetheart, don’t push your food around the plate.’

Evie smiles at her only child in what she hopes is a loving-yet-firm way.

Getting the balance right is one of the hardest things to do as a parent, she’s decided: you want your kid to know you love him but also that he needs to listen to what you say, because you’re the adult and he’s not and you need to show him how to grow up.

There are some days she wishes her mum were still around to be the adult, but then Evie remembers that she doesn’t get to be the kid any more. That stopped the day she had Billy.

Who is still pushing his food around his plate.

‘Bill, kiddo, not a good idea, mate.’ Stevo smiles at his son, who listens this time – of course. Billy won’t respect her but he will respect his father.

Maybe this is how it’s going to be from now on.

Or maybe she’s just on edge. She wants to ask Stevo something because he’s the only man she can ask, but she feels weird about it.

Ideally she’s not going to ask him in front of Billy, which is why she’d really like her son to eat his dinner instead of play with it.

‘How’s your mum?’ she asks Stevo as Billy restarts his chewing.

Stevo moves his head from side to side. ‘Um … yeah, not great.’

‘Oh?’

‘Could be cancer.’ He chews his steak as if he hasn’t just announced something quite serious.

‘Oh! Has she been unwell for a while?’

‘A few months.’

‘Months!’ Evie wants to say all the typical things: Why didn’t she go to the doctor earlier? Why doesn’t she care more about her health? This is Billy’s only grandmother! She doesn’t, though, because that would not only be unhelpful but could be downright aggravating.

‘Yeah.’ More chewing. ‘She thought it was nothing.’ He shrugs. ‘Turns out it might be something.’

‘Finished!’ Billy looks from his mother to his father as if he wants a prize for eating his dinner.

Maybe she should give him one, Evie thinks, then he wouldn’t play with his food again.

Or maybe he would, since she’d be rewarding him for playing with it then finishing.

Again, being a parent is tricky. There’s a lot to consider.

Including dealing with your child’s grandmother’s serious illness that your child’s father doesn’t seem to be taking seriously.

‘So when will she know?’ Evie asks. ‘If it’s cancer?’

‘Dunno. Wanna take your plate to the sink, Bill?’

Stevo has taken to calling their son Bill, and while initially Evie was irritated – they’d agreed he was always to be Billy – the boy himself doesn’t object, so she can’t.

That same boy obediently picks up his plate and deposits it in the sink. Evie knows she should start getting him to do chores but she hasn’t yet, so she’ll wash it later.

‘You can go and read, sweetie,’ she says.

Billy looks surprised. That’s because when it’s just the two of them, normally she doesn’t send him away after dinner. She keeps him close, because he’s company.

‘I’ll be in soon,’ Stevo calls after him. Then he turns to her with an enquiring look in his eyes. ‘So,’ he says.

She raises her eyebrows, feigning ignorance and feeling silly for doing it.

He grins. ‘C’mon. You want to say something.’

‘I didn’t know you knew me that well.’

He winks. ‘Better than you think.’

It makes her feel more than a little transparent, hearing him say that, but they are family, she guesses. They didn’t mean to be, but they are. With family comes familiarity, embedded right there in the root of the word.

‘There’s been …’ She stops. How can she phrase this? She should have practised it.

‘I was in love with someone,’ she says. The word she was going to use was ‘crush’ but that didn’t quite capture the impact of what she felt for Sam. May still feel. It’s hard to switch it off.

‘Oh yeah?’ He takes a sip of his lemonade. Stevo likes soft drinks. Always has.

‘Sam at work,’ she says quickly.

‘The gay guy?’

‘What … how? How did you know he was gay?’

He shrugs. ‘I’ve seen him a few times, round the place. I kinda worked it out.’

‘By seeing him?’

‘Sure.’

This makes her feel like even more of an idiot – how can Stevo, who barely knows Sam, have worked out that he was gay before she did? Oh, that’s right: because Evie didn’t want to see it. The truth didn’t suit her fantasy.

‘You didn’t notice?’ Stevo asks her, which makes her feel even worse.

‘Obviously not!’

‘Don’t get huffy.’

‘Don’t tell me to not get huffy.’

He raises his hands in surrender. ‘Is that what you wanted to talk about – being in love with Sam?’

‘Not really. I’m getting to it.’

She is huffy, though, and not sure she wants to tell Stevo now. Maybe he’ll dismantle her again with a perception she should have worked out on her own. Except she really does want his perspective on this.

‘Sam’s brother Oliver –’

‘Oh yeah, I remember you talking about him. A while ago? You went out a couple of times.’

‘He’s the one who suggested Sam for the job in the first place.’

‘Right.’ Stevo takes another sip of his drink.

‘He used to like me.’ She pauses. ‘He still does. He’s being … really nice. Saying really nice things.’

Stevo stares at her. ‘Yeah,’ he draws out. ‘Where’s this going, Evie?’

‘I thought I didn’t like him like that. But maybe I do. But I don’t know.’

‘Jesus, woman.’ Stevo rolls his eyes. ‘You never could make up your mind, could ya?’

‘That’s not fair!’

‘Sure, sure. So – what? You want me to tell you whether or not to go out with the guy?’

Is that what she wants? It would make things easier. That way, if it doesn’t work out she can blame Stevo. Which is gutless and pathetic of her.

‘Um … no,’ she says, because she needs to be a grown-up. ‘I want to know if you think people can develop feelings for someone when that someone is doing all the right things. You know, if they seem worth having feelings for.’

Stevo appears to consider this.

‘Chicks are different to guys,’ he says after a minute. ‘Guys, we need to feel attraction, right?’

Evie almost feels time slip a little then, as if she is glimpsing what they could have been if only they hadn’t got together while drunk, when they confused solving loneliness for the start of a grand passion.

‘Right,’ she says.

‘Chicks … they don’t need it right away. It’s better if they like the bloke. Trust him. That’s what I’ve worked out, anyway.’

She thinks about Oliver and realises she probably does trust him. He’s always been steady. He’s always treated her well. He’s made it clear he holds her in high regard. Those are key ingredients.

‘So … do you trust him?’ Stevo asks it seriously. With care. She appreciates it.

‘Yes, I think so.’

He grins. ‘Do you think he’s … y’know?’

She shifts her gaze so she can access a memory of Oliver, with his broad shoulders and wide smile, his lovely skin and his capable hands. These are things she has noticed and retained. That she shoved to the side when she was in the grip of Sam mania.

‘Yes.’

Stevo keeps grinning. ‘Then you have your answer.’

‘But what do I do about it? I’ve rejected him before.’

‘Ask him over for dinner. You know him well enough for that, yeah?’

She nods.

‘So make him dinner. Listen to him talk. Just be there. Sometimes having a woman just be there is all we need.’

Their eyes meet and there’s a sadness in his that surprises her.

‘I’m sorry I couldn’t be there for you,’ she says softly.

‘You didn’t need to do that,’ Stevo says, the sadness disappearing. ‘You gave me my son.’ He brightens further. ‘Y’know, I could take Billy on weeknights if you ever want to … I dunno, go on a date.’ He grins. ‘Or to a dance class. Book club. Anything.’

‘Thanks. I may take you up on that.’

‘It’s kinda stopped you, hasn’t it?

‘What do you mean?’

‘Stopped you even thinking about being with someone. You can’t go anywhere during the week.’

She hadn’t thought about it in such stark terms but he’s right: she never even let herself start thinking she could do anything other than be Billy’s mum during the week.

She’s been grateful to Stevo for giving her weekend time, as if that would be enough, but if she really wants to be with someone and he wants to be with her, weekends alone won’t be enough.

They need to be able to perceive a life together.

One that involves Billy, obviously, but that also means they could one day have a home together.

Stevo has been able to envisage that – he’s just done nothing with it.

‘Too busy with the fish, mate,’ he said once when she asked him why he hadn’t found anyone to settle down with.

Maybe it’s the truth, or maybe he’s felt as confined as she has, in his own way.

Billy is both of their priority – she sees that now.

Just because Stevo has only been around on the weekends doesn’t mean he hasn’t been a full-time father emotionally.

They both love their son so much. It’s just a pity they couldn’t love each other enough to be together.

You can’t fake it, though – and they shouldn’t try.

Billy shouldn’t have to live in a household where people pretend anything for his sake, because that’s too much of a burden to put on a kid.

Instead, Stevo may just turn out to be her best mate and she his. That’s a concept she never considered but it makes sense. They have the most important thing in their lives in common – what better basis for a friendship is there?