Page 14 of Lesbian Professor (Sapphic Sweethearts #6)

Bee

L ove isn’t supposed to hurt like this. I’m certainly not supposed to feel like my heart is soaring and breaking and then crumbling into a thousand little pieces, but that’s exactly how I feel.

I have somehow made a terrible mistake.

I’ve somehow done it.

I stare at my book, at the tears falling on the pages, and I just know I can’t go back. Not to the library. Anywhere but there.

“Fuck you,” I say, staring at the words on the page. They’re swimming now, swirling around, and I can’t do anything to make the tears stop.

She broke my heart, and I don’t know what I’m supposed to do about it.

My phone rings, and I answer.

“Polly?” I ask. My dear friend is in love now. She’s happy, just like I wish I could be. “What is it? Is everything okay?”

“It’s okay,” she says.

“You’re calling instead of texting.” I sniffle. Maybe she doesn’t realize I’m crying.

“I just wanted to yap,” she says. “Are you busy?”

“No.”

“What are you doing this weekend?”

“Probably studying,” I say. Well, studying and nursing my wounds. I can’t believe I was rejected so terribly, and in such an embarrassing way.

When I decided to suck it up and ask the pretty librarian out, I thought she’d give me a chance. Maybe, I thought, maybe she’d say yes. After all, we’re both obviously queer. It’s not like I thought she was going to tell me she was straight or something like that, but she laughed at me.

She laughed at me, and she said I never had a chance with someone like her.

She laughed because I’m fat, because I’m thicker than her, because I’m...

Because I’m not enough, I guess.

“Oh, you should come out with me,” Polly says.

She starts talking about her weekend plans, about all of the wonderful things she wants to do, but I barely listen because I’m just trying so damn hard not to cry on the phone.

I like Polly a lot, but I don’t want her to know how much I’m hurting right now.

Somehow, this ache within me is here to stay. I just know it. I don’t want it to be, but it is. What I want is a little bit of freedom, a bit of flexibility.

What I want is for the world to feel a little more fair.

“I don’t know,” I say.

“Why not?”

“I just feel kind of tired,” I say.

“I can cover you,” Polly says quickly. “If money is an issue.”

“It’s not.” I work multiple jobs for rideshare companies in town. I’m more than capable of paying for my own night out.

“You should think about it,” she says.

We finish chatting, and I end the call. Then I stare at it for a long time. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I should not let one bad experience with love ruin me.

Maybe I should just go for it.

Or maybe I should call it a night.

Maybe I should let the librarian win.

After all, I’m just one girl.

The story continues in Lesbian Librarian, coming Fall 2025.