Page 44 of Lavish

Serena

“You look beautiful, Serena,”Laurene said, putting the veil on me.

A veil. Symbolic. Decorative. Pointless.

I’d never thought my wedding would be this way. Scratch that. I never imagined a wedding at all.

Don’t lie, you wanted a wedding, but this is all that you’re getting.

Not because I didn’t believe in them. Logically, they had utility—merging estates, aligning power structures, consolidating influence. I just always thought that Mama would have enough use for me that she wouldn’t marry me off.

But no. I was serving a purpose.

This wedding wasnotlike Laurene’s.

No dramatic announcements or parties, no fancy location. No pomp. No string quartet. No flashbulbs. No dress. Just a city hall wedding in my best pantsuit and expensive heels.

Laurene came around to face me. “Are you okay?”

My first instinct was to say yes.Yeswas tidy.Yesdidn’t open the door to a conversation I didn’t know how to have.

What was I supposed to feel right now? Nerves? Resentment? Relief?

I’m marrying Miles.

I wanted someone to tell me what the right emotion was, so I could feel that one and move on.

“You can talk to me. Be honest. This is a lot to take in,” Laurene said.

I straightened my ivory pantsuit and fixed my cuff. This calmed me down. Details. Always the details. They were easier to handle than my nervous stomach and racing heart.

“I’mfine,” I said, sharper than I meant to. “I’m not falling apart. I’m not scared. I don’tneedto cry to process this like you do. I’m doing what’s required of me. I don’t have the luxury of running away to Paris, screwing everything up, and coming back to open arms and applause. That’s not my function.”

It might have been wrong the way to say it, but Laurene didn’t understand.

I’m not her.No matter what I did or tried, I could never amount to Laurene. The one people made room for, bent over backward to protect, praise,love. It never happened for me.

But it still fucking hurt.

Laurene’s face fell. I regretted what I said, but couldn’t undo it.

Gigi rushed into the bathroom with a bouquet in her hands.

“What’s taking so long? We’re on a schedule here,” she snapped as she gave me a once-over. “Nice suit. Very you.Bland.”

I flipped her off.

Gigi looked between us. “What happened?”

“Nothing,” I said quickly.

“You did something, what did you do? You got that look on your face.”

“G, it’s fine—” Laurene started.

“Let’s just go.” I took one last look in the mirror and turned, ready to walk out, and Gigi shook her head, stopping me with one hand and pushing me back.

“This is more than you just being mean and surly.” Gigi narrowed her gaze on me. “We’re gonna air this shit out before we go. So, who wanna talk first? I got all day.”