Page 25 of Knox (The Devil’s Luck MC #6)

CAROLINE

N o man had ever made me come like Knox did.

The egotistic Wolverines I’d fucked over the years only chased a good ass and a good fuck. They didn’t care about me, and I didn’t care about them.

But Knox cared. He made me care.

He made me come so hard I forgot where I was.

So hard that I barely heard him say, “Round two, baby girl?”

I barely had the strength to lift my head to see him standing at the end of the bed with his cock rock hard and waiting for my slick pussy.

I wanted it. Wanted him. So fucking bad .

I closed my legs.

His feral grin snapped into a deep frown.

It hit me like a ton of bricks.

Guilt. Regret. Grief.

I sat up and shoved at Knox’s chest with both hands, glaring up at him even though my vision blurred. “Get the fuck away. You should hate me.”

My voice cracked. I hated how weak I sounded.

“Hate me,” I snapped. “Gabriel’s dead because of me.”

Knox caught my wrists before I could scoot out of reach. I twisted, tried to rip free, kicking my feet.

He just stepped to the side and pulled me forward until he was standing between my knees. “Caroline.”

“Let me go.” I tried to yell, but it just came out as a whine. “Go away. It’s my fault. Hate me. Pity me.”

Unfazed by my halfhearted toddler tantrum, Knox snorted derisively. “You think I want to bury myself so deep inside you I forget my own fucking name because I feel sorry for you?”

I had to do everything to push him away. “You’ll regret this. You’ll hate me. Everyone does.”

His teeth clenched. “After everything I’ve done for you—for us—you think I’m capable of hating you?”

“Yes.”

As quickly as he was angry, Knox was exhausted. I squeezed my eyes shut when he rested his forehead to mine. “I’m not everyone, Caroline.”

“You should be.”

“Well, I’m not, whether you believe it or not.”

I turned my face away. I couldn’t bear to see the softness in his eyes. But his hand cupped my jaw, forcing me to look at him.

“You think I don’t feel it, too?” he asked, brushing his lips against mine. “You think I don’t see his face every time I close my goddamn eyes?”

I tried to shove him away, but I didn’t have any strength left.

“I’m not going to hate you, Caroline, for feeling human. You’re not the only one carrying pain.” The confidence in his voice wavered. I felt his arms trembling on either side of me. “You’re not alone in this. I’m not letting you be.”

My throat tightened, and I knew if I opened my mouth, all that was going to come out was a sob. Knox waited until I swallowed it down. Then I whispered, “I can’t want you. I can’t want this?—”

“You do want this,” Knox growled, hovering over me, caging me with his body. “You can want this.”

I didn’t even fight when he nudged my legs open with his knees. “You want me. You want to forget. Same as me. You want to push me away? Fine. But I’ll still be right fucking here.”

Knox kissed me before I could argue. It was rough and bruising and claiming .

I squirmed, hating myself, undeserving of someone so?—

His hand went between my thighs and palmed my core.

“Your mouth says no, spitfire,” he rumbled, “but your pussy’s screaming for me.”

My hips bucked without my consent. “No,” I lied weakly.

“How many times I gotta tell you you’re mine?” he asked darkly as he stroked my wet folds, slow, teasing. “What’s mine don’t gotta fight. I fight for you.”

Knox kissed away a tear that escaped onto my cheek. It was so tender that I let out a sob. Knox pressed his mouth to mine, swallowing it. “Let me fucking have you, Caroline.”

Then he pressed his hard cock against my clit, wanting, needing, to replace his fingers. “What’s it gonna take?”

I blinked up at him. “What?”

He lifted my ass off the bed, hooking my legs on his shoulders, lining himself up. “What’s it gonna take to get you to let your guard down once and for all?”

We stared at each other for a long time.

I was dripping for him. His face was battered and bruised, almost ugly, and he was grieving, but he still wanted us to fuck ourselves into oblivion.

He saved me—multiple times. He’d put his head on the chopping block in front of his president, a goddamn death sentence if Jackson were Walter.

Selfless bastard.

“I don’t know.”

Knox nodded once slowly, like he had to process that. Then he said, “Hate me later if you want. Hate yourself, too. But right now, let yourself want something that won’t hurt you back.”

That unraveled me completely.

All I could whisper was, “Okay.”

Then he plunged inside of me in one smooth, hard thrust, and we did exactly what we’d wanted for hours—we forgot.

I fell asleep in his arms. When I woke, my body aching in the best fucking way, I sat up to see the clock. My soul didn’t quite ache as good. It was eleven at night. The limo had long gone.

I looked over my shoulder at Knox sleeping soundly. That was an impressive feat. He went through hell. The only escape besides sex was rest, and I didn’t want to take that from him.

Not after taking Gabriel.

My guilt was still eating me alive.

“ Let yourself want something that won’t hurt you back .”

I knew now Nathaniel Knox would never hurt me. But the longer I lay in bed with him, the more I convinced myself that he would be better off without me. The Devils would be better off. All of Reno would be better off without Caroline Bates.

I should have gotten away from Knox as soon as I had the chance. Then my father would have kept his sights set on me, and the Devils never would have been brought into it.

What was done was done, sure, but I could make my own choices now.

I dressed in my nasty-ass clothes. The first thing I was going to do was buy something that channeled the Caroline I wanted to be.

That started with stealing Grant’s wallet, which he had given to Knox.

I slipped out of the room. Every step I took felt heavier with guilt, but I shoved it down. I had to focus ahead, not behind. It was the only way to survive.

Reno glittered in the distance. It still felt way too close, cloistering my senses.

I crossed the street to the convenience store.

The florescent lights were too bright, and the whole place did not smell good at all, but they had basic shirts and shorts.

I grabbed whatever size my hand touched first, snatched some chips, a brush, and deodorant, and shoved them all into a cheap tote bag with some touristy print, then used the self-checkout. I got a look from the cashier.

“What?” I snapped. “Never seen a girl on the run before?”

Deadpan, he shrugged. “Every day, lady. Long as you pay, I couldn’t give a flying fuck. Actually, go ahead and steal. I hate this place.”

I went into the small bathroom, which smelled disgusting and was out of paper towels. Thank fuck there was toilet paper and soap.

I dared look in the grimy mirror. I looked homeless.

I quickly looked away, peeling off the grimy clothes.

Even though it felt gross, I kept my panties on, yanking on the generic blue shirt and poorly made jogging shorts.

Trying to get the brush through my hair was a battle in itself, but I managed to make it look semi-decent in a ponytail with a rubber band I’d swiped off the checkout counter.

After washing my face with as much care as I could without causing too much pain to the tender skin, I left the store with my head held high.

I hailed a cab. My hand was on the handle when I sensed a presence behind me. I whirled, ready to claw their eyes out?—

Knox caught my wrist. He did not look happy. “After everything?”

I would have preferred a sock in the jaw; it would have hurt less.

I hated the relief that rushed through me at the sight of his bruised face. He looked like a UFC fighter—who had lost big time.

Why was I glad he caught me trying to flee into the night?

I tried to yank away, but it was halfhearted. “Let me go. That was the plan all along, remember? Get in a car and send me off. Boom. Done. We’re out of each other’s lives.”

“No, not done.” Knox knocked on the cab’s window and jerked his head in a clear, get outta here .

The driver peeled away.

I clenched my teeth. “The hell?”

Knox grabbed my upper arm with a firm, possessive grip—not enough to hurt, though. “We’re going back to the hotel,” he said.

I dug my heels in, stalling. “There’s basic clothes in there. You should get some. I’ll wait in the chip aisle.”

Knox looked at me like he was trying to look angry, but his lip twitched with amusement. “That’s hardly a convincing escape plan, baby girl. Yes, please pout like that, it’s adorable.”

I clamped my lips together, glaring. “I’m not adorable .”

“I think you are. At the very least, things you do are cute.”

Knox pulled my chest against his, leaning down to press his lips to my forehead softly. “Don’t leave, Caroline.”

I turned away and shivered. He noticed immediately.

“You’re cold. Get inside, woman, or I’ll throw you over my shoulder.”

“Fine.”

I stormed across the street and through the hotel like I was carving a warpath. I heard Knox chuckle to the front desk staff, “It’s that time of the month, you know? Carry on.”

As soon as he closed the door behind us, his cheery demeanor dropped.

He crossed his huge arms over his chest and looked at me like my father had when I misbehaved as an unruly teenager. “Mind explaining why you snuck out like it was a fucking one-night stand?”

“Not really.” I tried to shove past him to lie on the bed and shove chips in my mouth until I choked on them.

Knox blocked my path. “You’re unbelievable.”

“Excuse me?”

In the dim light of the bedside lamp, his bruised face looked ghastly, and my gut churned with guilt. “You crawl into the shower with me like you fucking care ,” Knox ground out, “then bolt the second I fall asleep? What the hell is that, Caroline? A mercy fuck to soothe your conscience?”

“No!”

“I mean, I get that we just wanted to fuck to forget our pain, but now I’m wondering if you just used me for my body.”

“No,” I snapped again, miffed and hurt by the accusation. “Don’t twist it like that?—”

“You’re the one twisting shit!” Knox barked, throwing his arms up. “I didn’t use you, Caroline. I wanted to make you feel safe. I wanted to take care of you.”

“Because you pity me.” I couldn’t help saying it. He had denied it before, but it was just an old habit that died hard—the habit being self-deprecation so extreme that it was mistaken for confidence.

Knox turned sharply, dragging his hands through his hair—it was damp; he must have showered—as he stalked across the room like he couldn’t bear to be close to me. “Fuck, Caroline, will you stop with the fucking pity angle?”

I took an angry step forward. “Why? I’m destroying your life.”

He kept his back to me. His voice was measured when he said, “I let you see me falling apart. I’ve never let anyone— anyone —see that before.”

Knox turned but didn’t cross the room. My throat closed at the burning look in his blue eyes. “You think I don’t know what you’re feeling? Shame. Guilt. Fear. You want to blame yourself. You think that’s easier than letting someone give a damn.”

“I didn’t ask you to give a damn!”

Knox jerked forward, too. Two strides, and he was a few feet away. “No. But you sure as hell wanted someone to.”

I hugged my arms around myself. “You don’t know what I want.”

“I do .” His voice lost its anger, shoulders slumping a little. “I know you want someone to tell you it’s not your fault. I know you want to crawl into your darkness and stay there . I know you’re scared shitless that if you don’t have control , you’ll crumble and have nothing left of yourself.”

Well, that was a bull’s-eye to what I buried in the dark depths of my soul. “Oka, maybe you do. So what?”

“ So you’re even more like me.” Knox took another step toward me, hesitant this time, as if expecting me to bolt. “You’re afraid to let someone love you because they’ll see how broken you are and leave.”

Hook, line, and sinker.

“That’s…” I whispered brokenly. “That’s not true.”

“Yeah, it is,” he said, his voice rough. “And there’s no shame in that. Okay? I care about you. I’m not letting you leave Reno without you knowing that.”

Silence stretched between us like a rubber band. I knew it was going to snap. It was just a matter of who let it go.

I felt hollowed out— Knox hollowed me out. He was patient with my defensiveness from the moment we officially met outside the poker den. And from the moment he saved me from Vane, he stripped me layer by layer to see all the ugliest parts of me.

And he wasn’t fazed.

“Stop being sorry for surviving, Caroline. Stop hating yourself for wanting something good.”

Knox took another stride closer. The rubber band tension eased. There was just two feet of distance.

My chest started to heave with oncoming sobs. I searched his face, seeking answers—seeking hate, lies, something to reveal all this was just pretty pretense.

I couldn’t find a single thing but raw honesty.

It broke me open completely. “What if that something’s you?”

Knox exhaled sharply. “Then fucking take it, Caroline,” he breathed. “Take me . Because I’m standing right here.”

I snapped the rubber band.

I collided into his arms and kissed him like it was the last thing I’d ever do.