Page 24 of Knot Your Problem, Cowboy (Wild Hearts Ranch #1)

She bustles to the front door, flipping the sign to closed and turning multiple locks. “Can’t be too careful,” she says. “Last month someone broke in and rearranged my entire mystery section alphabetically. It took me weeks to get the ambience right again.”

June and I exchange glances, both fighting smiles.

“Now then,” Loretta continues, leading us toward a narrow staircase hidden behind a bookshelf that swings open like something from a mystery novel. “Fair warning, we really embraced the theme this month.”

The door at the top opens into what can only be described as hell having a midlife crisis.

Red string lights cast everything in a demonic glow that has everyone looking vaguely sunburned.

Fake flames made from red and orange cellophane flutter in front of a fan that’s seen better days.

Plastic pitchforks stand in vases like the world’s most concerning flower arrangements, and are those plastic skulls from the dollar store?

But the pièce de résistance is definitely the cardboard cutout of a shirtless man propped in a chair. Someone has enhanced his abs with black Sharpie and made him a tail made from Christmas tinsel. A speech bubble has been added to his mouth, reading “Welcome to my lair, ladies.”

“Join us,” Loretta announces grandly, “in hell! Population: us!”

Three women are already present, each sporting their own interpretation of the theme. The woman closest to us, probably mid-forties with purple-tinted hair, wears full bat wings that definitely came from a Halloween costume. She’s paired them with a T-shirt reading Sinner in glittery letters.

“Everyone, this is June and Sophia,” Loretta announces. “Sophia’s new in town and living at Wild Hearts Ranch!”

The room erupts in excited chatter, all three women talking at once.

“Oh my God, is it true?” Bat Wings leans forward eagerly, wineglass already half empty. “We heard you were a mail-order bride for those three cowboys!”

I nearly choke on air. “A what?”

June starts giggling beside me, pressing a hand to her mouth. “I hadn’t heard that one. That’s amazing.”

“Well, what else would a young woman from the city be doing out here?” This from a woman wearing a surprisingly normal outfit except for light-up devil horns.

My face burns. “I’m in the midst of inheriting the ranch. Rose was?—”

“Oh, we know who she was,” the third woman interrupts. She’s wearing a shirt that reads I’d Sell My Soul for Chapter 8 and has added a red feather boa for flair. “Lovely woman. But you, a pretty Omega living with three handsome cowboys? The math writes itself.”

“Any girl who lands that pack is going to be lucky,” Light-up Horns adds with a knowing look. “And exhausted. Lord have mercy, can you imagine? All that stamina.”

They all laugh, and I try to join in, but my face is burning for entirely different reasons now. If only they knew I’d had Walker pressed between my legs just earlier today, his hands everywhere, his mouth doing things that definitely belonged in chapter eight of the demon book.

“Let’s get you girls some wine and get started!” Loretta claps her hands. “Dolly, Rita, Karen, make room on the couch.”

June and I sink onto a love seat facing the fireplace, which has been decorated with paper flames. We exchange looks, both trying desperately not to laugh. This is unlike any book club I’ve ever heard of.

“First things first,” Loretta announces, producing two jars that might have once held pasta sauce. “Everyone needs their demon name for the evening. Take one slip from each jar.”

I reach in and pull out two pieces of paper. “Writhing Muffin,” I announce, and June completely loses it, nearly sliding off the couch in her laughter.

“Mine’s Throbbing Crumpet,” she gasps between giggles. “Why are half of these baked goods?”

“I ran out of sexy nouns,” Loretta admits cheerfully. “But baked goods can be very sensual! Have you ever watched someone eat a chocolate croissant? Pure seduction.”

“Now, let’s start with a quick recap for our new members,” she continues, settling into what’s clearly her designated chair, a throne-like thing that might have come from a community theater production. “Who wants to summarize Infernal Temptation ?”

Rita, the one with light-up horns, raises her hand enthusiastically. “Ordinary girl Serena accidentally summons hot demon prince Malphas while trying to make a soufflé?—”

“It was a summoning circle, not a soufflé,” Dolly corrects, her bat wings rustling.

“The flour made a circle! Same difference. Anyway, demon prince appears, there’s a binding contract involving his ability to claim her soul through orgasms?—”

“Seven orgasms specifically,” Karen adds helpfully, adjusting her feather boa. “Very important plot point.”

“Right, seven orgasms, and she has to resist while he tries increasingly creative methods to seduce her.” Rita fans herself with her hand. “Chapter eight being the most creative.”

“The tail thing,” everyone says in unison, then dissolves into hollering laughter. It’s contagious, and I find myself joining in.

June leans over to whisper in my ear, “I have so many questions about the mechanics of that scene.”

“I may need to borrow your book after this and read this scene.”

“Now,” Loretta states, pulling out what appears to be an actual cauldron—plastic, but still impressively theatrical. “Before we discuss the literary merits of tail-related seduction, we need to vote on which local man would make the best demon prince.”

“Oh, this should be good,” June murmurs.

“I want everyone to write down one name,” Loretta announces, shaking the cauldron with glee. “One man in this town you’d bind yourself to for seven lifetimes. No judgment. No explanations. Just go with your gut or whatever body part is talking the loudest tonight.”

A chorus of cackles ripples through the room.

She starts passing out little slips of red paper and glitter pens. Some of the women immediately lean over their wineglasses with wicked grins, scribbling fast like they’ve been waiting their whole lives for this moment.

I glance at June. She bites her lip to keep from laughing, then scrawls something on her paper before dropping it into the cauldron.

“I don’t really know enough people,” I whisper, hesitating with the pen.

Then I picture Ridge in the moonlight, whiskey in hand, jaw tight, eyes shadowed. That stubborn set to his shoulders like he’s holding up the whole world and refuses to let it fall. Before I can stop myself, I write his name.

I fold the paper quickly and toss it in.

Once everyone has contributed, Loretta gives the cauldron a theatrical shake and begins pulling names one by one, reading them aloud like the results of a very inappropriate county fair raffle.

“First up… Earl from the hardware store.” She cackles. “That man alphabetizes his nails and screws. Nobody organizes screws that meticulously without dark secrets. ”

The women giggle in agreement.

“Next—ooh, Sheriff Cade.” Loretta raises her brows. “You just know he’s got a tragic backstory and a single tear he lets fall exactly once a year. Classic book-boyfriend material.”

Someone fans themselves dramatically.

“Dr. Hendricks,” Loretta reads next, her voice going dreamy. “That vet has forearms built by God and hands that cradle baby goats. You know he’d make a woman feel seen… and stretched.”

June chokes on her wine. I have no idea what kind of book club we’ve just entered, but I’m rolling with it.

Loretta plucks out a slip and squints. “No great Betas in town.”

A few of the ladies make sympathetic noises, then all turn to give June a pointed look.

“You know,” Dolly says, shaking her head. “Alphas accept Betas too. It’s not all Omegas and heat drama.”

June snorts, swirling her drink. “Sure they do. Right after they win the lottery and grow wings.”

The room erupts with knowing laughter.

Loretta pulls the final slip and pauses. Her gaze lifts, locking on me with a twinkle. “Ridge Colter.”

The room falls quiet just long enough for every head to turn and glance my way.

I sit frozen, cheeks warming. June doesn’t help, as she’s already grinning at me.

Loretta fans herself with the paper. “Silent type. Brooding. The man reeks of demonic potential. I respect it.”

“Maybe too much potential,” someone mutters.

“Oh, no,” Loretta says with a wink, “that’s half the fun.”

“All that auburn hair and those shoulders.” Rita sighs, horns blinking in what might be Morse code.

“Plus he’s got that whole damaged hero thing,” Dolly adds, wings drooping sympathetically. “Nothing sexier than a man with scars and secrets.”

My face is on fire. The whole town seems to know about his accident, though no one has told me specifics. What happened to him?

“I just… he seemed… I mean, I barely know him,” I stammer.

June nudges me with her elbow, her expression gleeful. “Sure you don’t. That’s why you picked him out of all the men in town.”

“He’d make an excellent demon prince,” Loretta declares with authority.

“Can we please talk about the actual book?” I beg, desperately needing to change the subject before I spontaneously combust.

“Of course!” Loretta settles deeper into her throne. “Let’s discuss the themes. Who wants to start?”

Dolly raises her hand, wings catching on the lamp beside her. “The power dynamics are fascinating. Here’s a demon who could destroy her with a thought, but he’s bound by ancient laws to only take what’s freely given?—”

“Speaking of power dynamics,” Karen interrupts, leaning forward conspiratorially, “did anyone else see Mayor Buchanan coming out of the high school at ten p.m. last Thursday?”

Rita gasps, hands flying to her chest. “The drama teacher’s car was still there!”

“That man needs to be more careful,” Loretta says, shaking her head. “His wife has a cousin who’s a private investigator in Billings.”

“Wait, are we talking about the book or—” I try.

“I’m not sure,” June adds, then looks surprised at herself.