Page 37 of Knot So Sweet (Leather and Lace #1)

Chapter 36

Candi

T he water cascaded over my skin, but the heat did little to soothe the turmoil inside my heart. I shut my eyes, letting the spray wash away the lingering scents of both Ghost and Viper. Their aromas clung to me like a second skin. I looked down at the drain, watching the water swirl into a vortex, wishing it could take my heartache with it.

I had done this to myself.

I had opened myself up to them last night, let them in when I knew I could never have a pack like this. Trust was a luxury I couldn’t afford, not after everything life had taught me. Alphas were dangerous, and I had been burned before. If Ghost and Viper hurt me like the others, I didn’t think I could recover.

Grabbing the bottle of shampoo, I scrubbed at my scalp with a desperation that matched the storm inside me, using the scent-canceling formula to try and erase every trace of them.

Maybe if I could scrub them away, I could rebuild the walls they’d broken down. Maybe I could go back to the mask I wore for so long.

I gritted my teeth, biting back the tide of emotion. Being back at the Den felt surreal. Just twenty-four hours ago, it had felt like home—everything I ever wanted. But now, it was a cruel reminder of what I had lost.

My brother’s omega, Kaylani, was buzzing with excitement over the nest my brother had built for her. The connection they shared sent a pang of jealousy slicing through my chest.

Viper had made me a beautiful nest too.

Leather and lace.

It had been perfect—everything I had ever envisioned and more. But I couldn’t afford to dwell on that now.

"Stop it, Candi. You’re better off without them. You don’t need them," I muttered, shutting the water off with more force than necessary.

A growl escaped my lips, dissipating into the steam-filled air.

I had to get my shit together.

I had to focus.

Vaughn and Creed were probably downstairs waiting for me to help with the liquor shipment. The grand reopening was in six days. Less than a week until shit could go back to normal. I couldn't handle that right? I mean what could possibly go wrong in the next six days?

I had to get my head back in the game.

Stepping out of the shower, I wiped the fog from the mirror, staring at my reflection—my collar gone, the tattoos on my neck exposed, each one a reminder of my scars, of what I had survived. Dark circles framed my eyes, and my skin seemed paler than usual.

"God, I look shit," I muttered, dragging a brush through my hair.

My gaze flickered to the closed cabinet door beneath the sink. Hidden under there was the blade—the one I used when my brother was taken. When I found out Adam wanted me to be his omega.

The same knife my father used on me.

It was tempting—so damn tempting—to reach under there and let out the demons clawing inside me. But I shoved the thought down, hard . Instead, I grabbed my towel, drying off as fast as I could, my heart still racing.

I needed a stiff drink. Stat.

Marching into my bedroom, I surveyed the chaos of clothes strewn everywhere. I shoved my legs into a random pair of leggings before reaching into my closet for my favorite hoodie, yanking it over my head too.

I stuffed my feet into a pair of studded boots and stomped over to my dressing mirror. I tilted my chin up, letting my eyes fall on the three skull tattoos across my throat, each one representing a part of myself that had died long ago.

Each skull represented death , a piece of my shattered soul.

The girl who lost her mother too young.

The omega whose innocence was stolen.

The daughter who was beaten within an inch of her life by her own father’s hands.

Pieces of my soul I could never get back.

I was no longer that scared little girl. I wouldn't be controlled by an alpha who wanted to own me.

A memory so hot and fast washed over me that I had to brace myself against my dresser. My reflection blurred, the scar across my neck throbbing like it had a heartbeat of its own—a haunting of my past, of my father’s dark and fucked up ways.

You dared to defy me girl! My father's voice boomed in my head. A poison I couldn’t purge.

I shook my head, desperate to shake the memory loose. But it flickered back, jagged and broken, like an old film reel, sharp and jarring.

I could see him—his fists trembling with fury as he cornered me in our living room. He was seething, his disappointment burning like fire in his eyes. I had stood my ground, my heart racing in my chest as I told him the one thing he refused to hear.

" I will never bond with Adam Sterling ."

Adam-FUCKING—Sterling. Sterling City’s golden boy.

Creed’s brother.

Kaylani’s ex.

He was rotten to his core, his perfection only a mask. I couldn’t stand him.

"There was no way in hell I would ever accept him as my alpha."

My father erupted. Pain exploded through my body as his fists found their mark again and again. Darkness started to creep in at the edges of my vision, but when I thought he might finally stop, he reached for the knife in his pocket.

The blade gleamed in the low light and then he struck—slicing through the tender flesh of my neck. Pain tore through me, and my hands flew to my throat, trying to stem the flow of blood. Warmth spread over my skin, pooling beneath me as I staggered back.

" Candice! " Owen’s voice roared from the hallway. I could hear his boots thudding against the hardwood as he ran toward me, fierce and protective even back then.

The world around me dimmed, and all I could hear was the pounding of my heart in my ears. Owen’s voice grew frantic, and I could feel the air shift as my father turned his rage on my brother.

There were sounds of grappling, grunts of exertion, the dull thud of bodies colliding. I wanted to help—I wanted to fight—but I was fading. I couldn’t see, the colors around me dissolving into dark, smothering shadows.

" Get away from her! " Owen’s voice cut through the chaos, desperate and sharp.

I wanted to reach for him, to call out and tell him I was still here. But the darkness was swallowing me whole, pulling me under.

"Candice, stay with me! Stay with me! "

I was slipping away, blood pooling around me like the last remnants of warmth I’d ever feel. With one last shallow breath, I let go, the darkness taking me completely.