Page 46 of Knight (Chambers Brothers Trilogy #3)

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

Knight

She runs for the bathroom the second she enters my apartment. The sound of retching follows seconds later. I walk into my workstation, giving her privacy while I start digging into Hardwick's digital footprint. Every click of my keyboard feels like a betrayal of the woman currently emptying her stomach because of what I made her do.

When the sounds stop, I go to the kitchen and grab a bottle of water, then head to the bathroom. She's hunched over the toilet, shoulders shaking. Her shoulders rise and fall with each shallow, uneven breath, and her hair has come loose from its ponytail, hanging in her face.

"Here." I set the water on the counter and find a clean washcloth. "Small sips when you're ready."

She spits into the toilet, then flushes it. Her hands are trembling so badly she can barely turn on the tap to rinse her mouth. The sight of her distress tightens my stomach in ways I don’t want to acknowledge. I step closer, steadying her elbow while she cups water to her lips, swishes, spits into the sink.

"I can't ..." Her voice is raw. "God. Her daughter. I used her daughter against her."

I run the washcloth under cool water, wringing it out before handing it to her. "Take this. It'll help."

She presses it against her face, but it doesn't muffle her next words.

"I'm the worst kind of monster. I used her love for someone else to manipulate her."

My hand hovers for a moment before settling between her shoulder blades, an awkward gesture of reassurance I'm not sure she’ll accept. She flinches, but doesn’t pull away.

"I found out what she was selling in her records." I keep my voice soft. "Small things, to help pay legal fees. But she hasn’t covered her tracks properly. A week or two, and she’d have been caught."

A sound between a laugh and a sob escapes her. "So now we destroy her completely?"

"No. Now we help her stop before she gets caught." I rub small circles against her back while she rinses her mouth again. "I’ve already moved money to cover her legal fees. It’ll give her a way out."

She finally looks at me in the mirror, eyes red and swollen. The stark vulnerability in her gaze is like a knife to my gut. "Why didn't we lead with that? Why did I have to ..."

"Because fear ensures cooperation. But hope keeps it." It’s a bitter truth that I learned to live with a long time ago. "She needed to understand both."

She turns, and presses her face against my chest. I freeze for a moment before my arms come around her. She's trembling so hard I can feel it in my bones.

"I used everything like you told me." The words are muffled against my shirt. "Every fear. Every worry about losing Sarah. I took it all and turned it into weapons."

I grab the clean hand towel hanging nearby and pass it to her. She wipes her face, then stares at the fabric like she's never seen it before.

"Sorry." She gestures vaguely at my shirt where her tears have soaked through.

"It's seen worse." The corner of my mouth twitches into something that’s almost a smile. I guide her to sit on the edge of the tub. "Take some deep breaths."

She does, shoulders still shaking with each inhale. I crouch in front of her, keeping one hand on her knee to ground her.

"You gave her a chance to save herself." I try to catch her gaze but she's staring at her hands. Her fingers are twisting together, a nervous sign I’m beginning to recognize. "To stop selling data before she gets caught. To keep fighting for her daughter."

"Stop making it sound noble." Her fingers twist tighter. "We're going to destroy her if she doesn't help us."

"Look at me." I wait until she does. "You're not a monster. Monsters don't feel this kind of guilt."

Her whole body seems to curl in on itself. "What am I then?"

"Someone trying to save her brother." I catch her hands in mine, stilling the frantic movement. "Someone who understands exactly what she's doing to Hardwick, and hates it, but does it anyway."

"Because you made me."

"Because it needs to be done." I squeeze her fingers. "But you're allowed to hate it. Allowed to feel like this."

Fresh tears spill down her cheeks. I reach for the towel again, but she shakes her head.

"I need ..." She swallows hard. "I need to see what we're giving her. What she gets if she helps us."

"You sure?"

She nods, then stands on shaky legs. I keep hold of one of her hands and lead her to my workstation. Her fingers are cold, but they grip mine like I'm the only thing keeping her grounded.

Or maybe I'm the devil dragging her deeper into hell.

I pull up Hardwick's records, showing her the money already being moved to cover legal fees. The evidence I've found. The balance of threat and salvation we're offering. Her grip on my hand tightens with each new detail, but she doesn't look away.

"She really has been selling data?" Her voice barely carries.

"Small things. Employee schedules. Maintenance records." I highlight the transfers. "Nothing critical yet, but she's getting desperate. One more bad decision and she loses everything. Her kid, and her freedom. This would get her sent to prison."

"So we're saving her by threatening her." The bitterness in her voice cuts deep. "Making her choose between helping us or destruction."

"We're giving her a way out before she destroys herself." I turn to face her. The truth won’t make her feel any better, but it’s all I can offer her. "The money stays if she helps us. The evidence vanishes. She can focus on fighting for Sarah instead of looking for quick cash."

She sways slightly, exhaustion clear in every line of her body. I should send her to rest. Should finish securing Hardwick's cooperation through all the digital leverage I can find. Instead, I find myself pulling her closer, letting her lean against me while I work.

"I need to brush my teeth." She sounds young suddenly. Lost.

"Go. Clean up properly." I release her hand. "I'll be here when you're done."

She disappears down the hallway, heading for the guest room, and I try not to think about how much this is changing her. How much I'm changing her.

Or whether she'll ever forgive either of us for it.