Page 17 of Kiss the Dawn (Order of Helsing #4)

PADMA

H aiden has called a meeting. He sits opposite us, alone on the two-seater while the rest of us perch on the larger sofa, facing him. His hands are clasped in his lap, expression giving nothing away, but the bite of cookie I’ve just taken turns to ash in my mouth because despite the flames in the hearth creating a mesmerizing dance, the tea being strong and hot, and the cookies being on point, there’s something awfully wrong here.

He finally speaks, confirming my suspicions. “I’m sick,” he says simply. “I’ve known it for a while, but I hoped…” He sighs. “It’s bad, and I have to leave fo r treatment.”

“What is it?” Merry asks softly. “What’s wrong?”

“Cancer. Colon,” he says.

My heart sinks into my boots.

“I’ve informed headquarters,” he continues. “They’ll be sending a replacement?—”

“No one can replace you,” Edwin blurts out. “You’re Haiden. You’re…You’re our Haiden.”

I can’t speak past the knot in my throat.

Haiden’s eyes well, and he blinks rapidly. “I’m going to fight this,” he says. “I will be back.”

“We’ll come visit,” Merry says. “Just tell us where and we’ll be there.”

He nods. “Once I’m settled, I’ll send word, but my carriage will be here early in the morning, so…I’ll say goodbye now.”

We watch him stand, slowly, painfully, but none of us get up to help because we all know that his pride is at stake, that he would want to walk out of here on his own steam.

Merry is the first to hug him. A full-blown squeezy hug that makes my eyes well. Edwin is next, and even Holly, who hasn’t known him for very long, steps in for a hug.

I wait till they’re done before stepping forward. Haiden and I have worked together for almost eight years. Way before we came to this chapter house. We’d been drafted here together, and now…

He holds out his arms, his eyes misty, and I step into the embrace .

“You should have told me.”

“You had enough to worry about.”

I shake my head, dislodging tears. “Damn you, old man. I’ll miss you.”

“Course you will. I make the best fry up.”

A soft laugh escapes my lips. “You do. You totally do.”

He releases me with a sigh. “You take care, Padma. You keep fighting, you hear me?”

“I will if you do.”

He smiles and nods, but his eyes are tired. “You fight too. All of you. No matter what happens. You fight.” He heads for the door. “Please don’t wake up to see me off. I don’t want any more goodbyes.” He slips out of the room, leaving us standing under a cloud of gloom.

“This is so unfair,” Merry says.

“Shall I make a fresh pot of tea?” Edwin asks.

Merry wipes at her eyes and shakes her head. “Not for me. I think…I think I’ll get an early night.”

“Yeah, me too,” Holly says. “It’s been a crazy few days.”

Orina left yesterday, so she should be on the Isle by now. I can’t help wondering if she’s all right. She’ll be upset she missed saying goodbye to Haiden, but I know that if he could have put it off for a little longer, he would have, which tells me how serious his condition must be.

Edwin looks to me. Is he holding his breath while he waits to see if I’ll keep him company? “I’d love a cup.”

His smile is breathtaking and sad all at the same time, and a fresh prickle of dread washes over me for something I don’t understand.

With a fresh pot of tea sitting on the coffee table and the fire fed, Edwin ducks out of the room and returns a few minutes later with a blue folder bulging with paper.

He hands it to me. “That’s all of it.”

“All of what?”

“Everything I could find on Loviator.”

“Great, but why are you giving it to me?”

He looks momentarily thrown, then laughs awkwardly.

“Wait, you want to go through them now?”

“Gosh no! I just…Damn it, I’m tired, that’s all. I’ll put them back in my room in my desk drawer for when we need them. When Orina comes back, we can go over them.”

I set the folder on the coffee table. “You’re acting weird.”

“Am I?”

I widen my eyes and nod. “Yes.”

His shoulders slump, and he flops onto the sofa beside me. “I guess my recent brush with death, and now Haiden’s news, has made me acutely aware of my mortality.”

“And you want me to know where the notes are in case…” Bloody hell. “No. Nothing like that is going to happen to you ever again.” I mean it. Because I’m not letting him out of my sight.

He shoots me a smile that’s too weary for my liking. “I started research into entities that can be trapped in mundane objects. It’s in the folder too, although I haven’t gotten far. I don’t think it means you harm, though. I don’t think it’s evil. I think…I think you can trust it.”

My scalp prickles. “Yeah, I think you’re right.”

“So if you see it again, then try to talk to it. Find out what or who it is and what he wants.”

“I will, and then we can figure this out together.”

He slips his hand into mine and smiles, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, and dread blooms in my belly once more. “Edwin…is everything okay?”

He gives me a stern look. “No. It is not. Because our tea is getting cold once again.” He hands me a cup, and I accept it, unable to shake the feeling that there’s something he wants to say but isn’t telling me.

“Edwin, if there was something wrong, you would tell me, right?”

He gulps his tea and rolls his eyes. “Like I’d ever be able to keep a secret from you.”

I stare at him through narrow eyes for a beat, and he rolls his eyes again and hands me the packet of cookies. “Have some chocolate chip cookies and drink your tea.”

Maybe I am imagining things.

“You wanna watch the last two episodes of Ghost Charmers ?” he asks.

Ghost Charmers is our favorite show, and it isn’t something we can watch in Old Town due to there being no TV reception, but Edwin managed to get the last three seasons of the show on tape from Central City. We’re almost done, and then we’ll need to get our hands on the next season.

He picks up the tape and wiggles his brows, and I’m overcome with a rush of love for this man.

More than ever.

More than a friendship love.

His eyes flare as if he sees it, and I drop my gaze quickly because this is strange and new, and I need a moment.

The sound of the tape being inserted into the player tells me it’s safe to look up.

The moment has passed.

The lights dim, and Edwin joins me on the sofa with the remote control. He grabs a throw and places it over our laps.

“Ready?” he asks, his eyes offering safety in the gloom.

“Yeah, I’m ready.”

Tempest Storm appears on screen, her bloodred locks blowing in the wind, tendrils slapping against her brown skin, emerald eyes fixed on the camera. On us, as she speaks.

“We’re here in Temptation Falls, the most haunted town in the city. Are you ready for the ride?”

“We’re ready!” Edwin and I say in unison.

We stay up late talking then fall asleep snuggled on the sofa. We hoped to catch Haiden on the way out, but we miss his departure anyway.

It’s a sad crew that makes its way to New Town for work, and once we get to the office, Edwin offers to grab breakfast rolls, but before he goes, he makes us all coffee to tide us over.

“I’ll see you soon,” he says.

And my gut squirms. “I’ll come with you.”

Is that panic in his eyes? No, he’s just giving me his indulgent smile.

“Just drink your coffee. I’ll be back in a flash.”

Am I imagining it or does the smile not reach his eyes? “Edwin?—”

“See you in a bit.”

He hurries off, leaving me with an awful knot in my belly as a possibility blooms in my mind. “He’s been going off alone a lot recently, hasn’t he? ”

“I did notice that over the past few weeks,” Merry says.

It’s obvious even though I don’t want it to be. “He’s seeing someone, and he doesn’t want us to meet her yet.” A hollow feeling opens inside me as I say the words, and Holly and Merry share a look that I can’t decipher. “What? It must be that. What else can it be? He tells me everything else. I mean we share everything . He’s my best friend.”

“Not everything,” Merry says. “He hasn’t told you he’s in love with you yet, has he?”

Her words are a punch to the gut, forcing me to acknowledge the thing I’ve been ignoring for a while now. Something I realized acutely when Edwin almost died.

I’m in love with him.

And now…Now Merry is saying she thinks he’s in love with me too? And why am I lying to myself? I’ve felt it in all the little things he does for me. The way he’s always there to listen and support me. In the way he seems to know what I need even before I’ve figured it out.

I’ve taken him for granted.

Taken us for granted, and there’s an awful feeling inside me that tells me that I’m running out of time.

“You know how he feels, don’t you?” Holly says. “You feel the same, so why don’t you?—”

“Holly.” Merry shakes her head.

Holly exhales and presses her lips together .

I know what they’re thinking. They’re thinking that I’m holding back because of the infection, but how can I explain that this knowledge, this acceptance is so new and raw to me that I haven’t had time to process it and its implications?

“Life is too short for regrets,” Holly continues. “You deserve to know that neither of you is crazy. That the feeling is mutual, and fucking have that time together, however long it might be.”

Her words send a surge through my blood.

I grab my coat. “I’ll be back.”

“You go get him!” Merry cries.

“And you can help him carry back some of those sweet donut thingies!” Holly says.

I rush out of the door and into the morning light, then practically run the two blocks to the café where Edwin will be ordering breakfast.

I burst through the door into the aroma of sausage, bacon, and coffee. It isn’t too busy yet, just a couple of patrons tucking into all-day breakfasts at the table by the wall.

Andy, the owner, looks up from the counter with a confused smile. “Hey, he said to deliver it.”

“What?”

“Edwin. He said to deliver breakfast to the office. But that’s fine.” He hurries out back before I can question him further and returns with a large paper bag containing our order. “Oh, and this too.” He hands me an envelope .

It’s addressed to me. I tear it open, heart hammering with foreboding, and read his beautifully neat script.

Padma,

Firstly, don’t be mad. Promise? Okay. So I found out about a place that might hold the secret of getting rid of the infection inside you. But it’s by invite only, and it’s kinda not on this plane of existence. Anyway. I got an invite and I’m leaving today. The plan is to find the information and come back, but the thing is, there’s a small possibility that I might not make it back. Quantum physics or mechanics and magic and all that stuff. And I knew if I’d told you about it, you’d have made me promise not to go, and I can’t do that. I can’t sit by and do nothing when I know there’s a real chance to save you, because I care about you, Padma. More than you know and I’m gonna shut up now.

I’ll be back soon.

I know I will. And then we can talk.

Edwin x

No…I shove the note into my pocket and head for the exit.

“Padma! Hey, your food!”

But I’m out on the pavement, boots slapping cement as I run toward the nearest taxi rank. I know exactly where he’s gone. I just hope I’m in time to stop him.