Page 23 of King Foretold (Realm of Four Kingdoms #2)

I’m relieved he’s here. What the fuck is wrong with me? It gutted me to hurt him last night, but I did it because I love him. How can I be glad he came back when it means I have to hurt him again? Have I always been this selfish?

Miok helps me down the stone steps—I need the help because my gaze is still glued to Ethan—and I slide my feet into the satin slippers she lays out for me. I inhale deeply through my nose, firming my resolve. I paid too big a price—we both did—to let him close that hard-won distance again.

Ethan turns at the soft rustling of our movements. I step out into the courtyard, forcing my face into an indifferent mask.

“What are you ...” I trail off when his lips part on an indrawn breath.

His gaze sweeps over me, once then twice, and a deep flush rises to his cheeks.

He closes his eyes and clenches his fists by his sides.

My pulse flutters in my throat. Ethan has never seen me like this.

He’s seen me in a sparkly minidress, a pair of bloody jeans .

.. I skip over the memories of him seeing me in various states of undress .

.. and most recently a dobok. But never like this—dressed with loving care and attention to accentuate my femininity, my softness.

I roamed America on my own, resolutely alone, for over a century.

For survival, I had to hide the soft parts of myself, especially in the early years.

There were those who would’ve perceived my femininity as a weakness.

They would’ve swooped in to take my possessions and violate my body.

They would have tried. They have tried. But the hard, snarling part of me stopped them, and that was the only side I let the worlds see for as long as I can remember.

Being soft doesn’t equate to being powerless. I know that now. It’s just a different kind of power. The kind that could bend knees—not through fear and violence—but through trust and devotion. Strength that could heal and inspire.

I’m cold, hard, and vicious. I’m grumpy and sarcastic as hell. But I am also soft, lush, and beautiful. This is a part of me too. I should take care not to forget, even while I hide that part of myself from Ethan.

As I brace myself to meet his gaze again, I wrap my aloofness around me like armor. It feels tight and unnatural, but I’ll adjust to it soon. I’ve done it for a hundred years. It’ll come back to me.

When Ethan finally opens his eyes, strands of silver-and-green light streak through his pupils like shooting stars. So beautiful. My breath leaves me in a whoosh. This is going to be even harder than I thought.

He doesn’t take his gaze off me as he approaches, but I don’t let myself get self-conscious. I pull my shoulders back and lift my chin, carelessly accepting his blatant admiration. No one needs to know that my knees are knocking under my chima.

“Fuck,” Ethan breathes. “I need to rethink your offer from last night.”

A startled laugh tumbles out of me, but I cover it with an affronted scoff. “You said you couldn’t keep things purely physical.”

“I changed my mind.” He swallows with effort. “I can definitely do that.”

“Yeah right.” I roll my eyes, even though I feel oddly triumphant inside. “You need to learn to lie better.”

A sheepish grin quirks his lips. “It was worth a try.”

“Am I supposed to be flattered?” I narrow my eyes at him.

“You should be.” He leans close and whispers in my ear, “You had the King Foretold seriously consider becoming your boy toy.”

“Whatever.” I press my thighs together, the full skirt hiding the telltale movement.

What he doesn’t know is that I would never be able to keep things purely physical.

If I let him inside me, I would love him with every inch of my body.

Which is why that can never happen. “ You should be honored I offered to make you my boy toy.”

“I am honored.” He gives me a roguish grin.

I sketch a mocking bow. “You’re welcome.”

Ethan chuckles softly and steps back, even as his eyes burn with desire. But my heart breaks for us because underneath the lust and humor, I see his devastation. He believes me. He believes that I don’t love him. I avert my eyes and bury my ragged emotions even deeper inside me.

Then I remember with a start that we are not alone.

Shit. I completely forgot about Miok. I’m afraid to look at her.

Did she hear the “boy toy” part? My mouth pulls into a cringe as I turn toward her .

.. but there’s no one at my side. Oh thank gods.

She must have silently faded away to give us privacy when Ethan looked at me like I was Venus rising out of the sea.

I bite my lip. No matter what happens, I’m storing away that look for my long, lonely nights.

“What are you doing here?” I change the subject before I climb him like a tree and ruin everything.

“I’m here to take advantage of this rare opportunity ...”

“Of me being weak and injured?” I lean into my sarcasm, my favorite coping mechanism.

Ethan sighs ponderously. “Of you having an off day.”

“I get one off day a month.” I’m being difficult for no reason, but I guess that’s kind of the point.

“Which you used to blow up the study.” He holds up a finger when I scoff indignantly. “An actual off day where you have to rest and relax.”

I wrinkle my nose at him. “Is aggravating me your idea of rest and relaxation?”

“I’m here to take you on a picnic.” He scratches the back of his head as a blush rises to his cheeks.

“A picnic?” I side-eye him, even though my heart flutters in my chest. A picnic with Ethan sounds like a dream ... I have to shut him down. “Do I look like a person who enjoys sissy-ass picnics?”

Hurt flashes across his face, and my stomach twists with regret. But steely determination swiftly replaces his wounded expression, and my brows dip into a frown. What is he up to? Before I can ask him point blank, he plants a hand on my lower back and my brain short-circuits for a second.

“Yes, you do,” he drawls smoothly and urges me toward the archway leading to the main entrance. “This way.”

I dig my heels in and glare at him. “Ethan—”

“Just trust me. Okay?” He moves his hand in soothing circles on my back, and I twist away from his touch. He lowers his arm to his side, a shadow darkening his eyes, but he presses his lips into a stubborn line.

“You’re not letting this go, are you?” I ask, wavering. Ethan can be even more stubborn than I am. I might be better off just going along with whatever he has in mind, then sending him on his way. “Fine. Let’s get on with it.”

He accepts my ungracious acquiescence with a wary nod, then leads me out of the courtyard to a stunning set of wooden palanquins. I can’t help stepping up to them and tracing the intricate carvings of tigers and phoenixes with my fingers.

I drop my hand and clear my throat. “We’re going in gamas?”

“Yes, for privacy.” His tone sobers. “I don’t want to draw unwanted attention.”

“Do you have shadows on you?” I scan our vicinity with sharp eyes as his overprotective grandfather rushes back to my consciousness. “I thought you couldn’t leave General Bak’s estate on your own.”

“I told the guards they don’t want to find out what I’ll do to them if they follow me. They wisely decided to stay behind.” A muscle tics in his jaw. “The general is away on official business, so they can’t run to report me to him.”

“But won’t they tell him once he comes back?” I wonder if Ethan’s ever seen his grandfather angry. I have a feeling it won’t be pretty.

“If they want to save their necks, it’ll have to be our little secret. General Bak is not known for his leniency.” Ethan shakes his head as though chasing away his dark mood. “We better get going.”

Ignoring the hand he offers, I duck into the gama on my own and sit cross-legged on the floor. I glance around the tight, shadowy confines and frown. “Are you going to fit in yours?”

“You do know these are magic, right?” Ethan opens the two sliding windows on either side of me to let in the sunlight.

“I know they carry themselves ...” My eyes grow wide, and I bounce a little on my ass, forgetting to act distant in my excitement. “Is yours bigger on the inside than it looks from the outside? Like the TARDIS?”

“Not that big, you nerd.” He taps me on the nose so naturally that I barely remember to slap his hand away. “Just big enough for me to sit upright without hitting my head.”

I’m impressed nonetheless, but I rearrange my features into bored impatience. “Where are we going anyway?”

“Don’t you like surprises?” he teases. “Or are they too sissy ass for you?”

I look away from his smile, wrinkling my skirt in my fists. “I hope this little outing is worth the risk you’re taking.”

“Oh, it is.” Ethan climbs into the palanquin next to mine and opens the window facing me. “You are worth every risk.”

Before I can make a callous remark to hide my fluster, my palanquin lifts off the ground and lurches forward. I shoot out my hands to brace myself. “Whoa.”

“Sit tight,” Ethan says from the shadows. “We’ll be there soon.”

The gama settles into a gentle bob, and I slowly relax. I hug my legs to my chest and glance out the open window, resting my cheek on top of my knees. I can only see his arms and chest, but I stare at Ethan anyway.

No matter what happens, I’ll always know he loved me, and I loved him back. To me, our love is a treasure to be cherished even if we can’t be together. A single tear drops from the corner of my eye and seeps into my skirt. It wrecks me that he can’t ever find out.

When another tear threatens to fall, I turn my face away from him. This is why I can’t have nice things. I get a chance to look my fill of Ethan—his torso, at least—and I immediately become a weepy mess. I have to get myself together. He can’t see me like this.