Page 150 of Killaney Fire

The one thing I couldn't let surface, the one piece of leverage Nicolae has always held over me. The reason I'm still tied to this family, still answering his calls, still doing jobs I hate.

Fuck.

I thought I was doing the right thing. Thought I could save her by letting it happen, by following the plan, by being smarter than the threat.

But maybe I wasn't.

Maybe my judgment was clouded.

Maybe emotions were running rampant in my mind, twisting my logic, making me believe I could have both, Keira's safety and Nicolae's approval.

I put the damn tracker on her wrist myself.

I held her. Kissed her. Fucked her. And the whole time, I knew this would happen one way or another.

The thought makes me sick.

My head is spiraling out of control, thoughts and emotions clashing.

Another memory floods in, how she asked about my brother, how she asked how she looked, how she drinks her cappuccinos, how she wipes the corner of her mouth after taking a bite of food. How she smells, tastes.

Dammit.

Sitting in this chair, hands bound, blood drying on my shoulder, I realize I should've told her the truth when I could, the moment I felt it.

That she ruined me, and I'm trying to figure out which is worse: the fact that I would burn the world for her, or that I don't know how to walk away from her.

I'm flooded with regret. Not for what I did, but for what I didn't say.

That I love her.

I've never loved anyone the way I love Keira.

Not family love, that's duty and obligation.

Not loyalty love, that's respect and shared history.

This is different.

This love is obsessive and consuming. It's world-ending love.

I memorized everything about her.

I can't sleep unless I know she's safe.

I would've killed Nicolae if he touched her.

The realization settles in my chest like a stone.

I fell in love with her.

Maybe it was the night I carried her unconscious body out of the explosion. Maybe it was before that.

Maybe the first time she defied me, green eyes blazing, chin tilted up, daring me to try and control her.

But it took all this, this chair, this basement, this moment, to make me realize it.

And she'll never know, because I ruined it, and I can't blame her for how she feels.