Page 17 of Kill Me Tomorrow

“Sure.”

“Listen, I don’t want to beat around the bush. I don’t sleep with men on the first date.”

“Yeah, me either.”

“Ha,” she says draining her drink. “You’re funny.”

“Am I?”

“Yeah. Anyway, no sex. But blowjobs aren’t out of the question.”

I choke on my own spit and signal the server for the check. “I’m sorry,” I say. “I have to go feed my cat.”

“I love cats!”

“You’d hate this one. He’s evil.”

Her face falls. “Ah.” She points her index finger at me. “I see what you’re doing. You’re brushing me off.”

“Nah.”

“You know what?” She stands abruptly, nearly knocking the chair over in the process. “Fuck you! I didn’t even like you anyway!”

* * *

The second woman,Rose, arrives seven minutes early and was probably attractive once upon a time. Instead of being forty-six as she listed on her profile, I’d put her in the range of seventy-six and then some. I’ve always been a fan of older women, but this is a stretch.

“So you’re an accountant,” she asks.

“Unfortunately.”

“I’m a widow,” Rose says in a manner that tells me she was looking for any means possible to insert that fact into the conversation.

“I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” She offers a sad smile.“It’s horrible losing a spouse, let me tell you. Have you ever been married?”

“Me?” I shake my head. “No.”

“That’s too bad.” She glances around the place. “This isn’t my typical scene.”

I’d bet not.

She looks back at me and smiles. “But I can be flexible. Now that I’m retired, especially. In fact, what I’m looking for is a travel companion.” She lowers her chin. Her eyes search mine. “Do you like to travel, Mark?”

I don’t know how to break it to her that I have school-age children or that she’s older than my mother. “Me? No. I hate anything new. I hate flying.”

“What about trains?”

“Especially trains. I get motion sickness.”

“Huh,” she says like she doesn’t buy it.

“Really, I’m a routine kinda guy.”

“Funny,” she tells me. Her brow knits and she shakes her head. “That’s not what your profile says.”

“I’m a liar. Pathological.”