Page 7 of Kassir and Rebel (D-Ville Projects #2)

“I fucked up. Really fucked up but you gotta know I had my reasons. Things were too much back then. The shit with Ralph’s bitch ass and the Bedford Boys was gritty as fuck.

You remember that week before? We had to bury Little Roc and Wiz because those fuck niggas rolled up on them.

Things were hot, and shit, they were gunning for me too, which put you in danger and I wasn’t having that shit at all.

I couldn’t let you get caught up or hurt because of my shit and the life I was living. ”

“I was deep into this street shit and you… you had just graduated with your degree and had your whole fucking life together. You had job offers from CFU, that school in Atlanta, and in Miami, and because of me, the only one you were even looking at was CFU. Too close to home and too fucking close to me and the shootings. I wanted you safe, away from me and all this shit, but you wouldn’t listen.

No matter what the fuck I said, you were dead set on staying here with me. ”

“Because I loved you and thought you loved me,” I utter and hear my voice crack. His words have placed me right back in his old apartment, in his room, on his bed, staring at his phone with the text message that ended us.

“You know I loved you; shit, I still do. You’re the only woman I’ve ever loved. That’s why I did what I did,” he has the nerve to say and I glare at him.

“You fucked Linnea because you loved me? Please. What type of fool do you think I am?” I scoff, then shake my head. “You can take me back home if that’s the bullshit you needed to tell me.”

“Ay, Rebel. You had to leave Diamond Falls. That’s the only way I knew how to keep you safe.

They were gunning for me and Leem and the shit was out of hand.

Look what happened to him and Yahzi. If you didn’t go to Miami, that could have been you.

You think I wanted some shit like that to happen?

To you? To my fucking heart? You know what would have happened if it had?

There would have been zero fucks given and the streets would have been lined with bodies,” he grits and I hear his anger loud and clear.

Although I had already left Diamond Falls, I definitely heard about Suleem and Yahzi.

They were getting some food one night and two Bedford Boys rolled up on them and opened fire.

Suleem got hit a few times and Yahzi got hurt, really hurt.

She was pregnant and lost her baby. I also heard the two shooters were buried a few days later.

“You getting hurt or me losing you wasn’t a fucking option, so I did the only thing I knew would make you leave. ”

“You fucked another woman and you think that didn’t hurt me too?” I utter while shaking my fucking head.

“You were alive. No fucking bullets were fired at you. You were in Miami, away from here and safe, and that was more important to me,” he says, as if that shit is better.

Tears I hadn’t felt forming in my eyes fall when I blink and he reaches over to wipe them but I quickly turn my head, face the window, and wipe my own damn tears.

“That shit made sense to me then. I didn’t know what else to do.

You wouldn’t leave; that seemed like my only fucking option.

I didn’t know what the fuck else to do. We had just argued about the shootings again and you ended shit with me.

So I went out, got fucked up, and even had some static with Ralph that night.

I convinced myself that I needed to do something to get you to leave here.

I saw Linnea; she was there and you know what happened. ” He sighs heavily.

“I definitely know what happened. I was there with you a few months later when she texted you her fucking pregnancy test. I saw that shit on your phone and that’s how I knew not only had you cheated but you got the bitch pregnant.

Do you know how fucked up that was? My fucking heart felt like it was ripping out my chest. You hurt me, broke me,” I croak out between my tears.

My emotions are all over the damn place and the hurt feels as fresh as it did six years ago. “Please…take…me…back,” I plead.

“Baby—”

“Please,” I beg again. “If you don’t, I’ll jog back,” I say, then grab the door handle.

“Shit! I’ll take you,” he huffs. The engine starts and I loosen my grip on the handle. “I did what I thought was right. Her getting pregnant… That… wasn’t planned. You know that.”

I don’t know shit, I think to myself because I have no more words for him. My tears are pouring from my eyes and I can’t speak even if I wanted to. Thankfully, I don’t want to. I don’t have shit else to say. He hurt me, bad. That’s it; that’s all.

“You have to know that I really thought I was doing the only thing I could to get you to leave. My words weren’t working,” he begins as he pulls out of the plaza.

“I told you to leave over and over, but Rebel, bae, you wasn’t hearing me and you were going to take that fucking job in Crescent Falls.

I couldn’t have you here, at fucking risk.

I thought I was… Hell, I just needed you to leave, baby.

You wasn’t safe, they were gunning for me and I felt like I couldn’t protect you.

I know I made a dumb decision and I regret that shit only because it didn’t just get you to leave, it hurt you and made you stay away. ”

“Fuck,” he sighs. “That shit wasn’t supposed to play out like that.

I just needed time to get shit in order and get out of the grimy street shit but you never came back.

But you are now and everything has changed.

That shop was… that’s mine. I own it. That shit with the Bedford Boys is squashed and I’ve pulled back from most of that street shit.

Things are set up for us and I want you back. ”

“Ugh!” slips from my mouth and I instantly regret saying anything to him.

The air in this truck is getting thick as hell and I feel like I can’t breathe.

I don’t want to hear his voice. I don’t want to hear shit he’s saying at all.

He…hurt…me. I don’t give a fuck what he wants.

I just want out of the truck and away from him.

His words, explanation, or whatever the fuck he’s doing doesn’t mean shit to me. He…really hurt…me.

For five years, he was my everything. My first love, my first everything.

He knew about my fucked up life and he still loved me.

I loved him and couldn’t see a life without him.

He’s the only person who truly knew how heartbroken I was over my mother never coming back for me.

I told him because I trusted him with my secrets, fears, and dreams and he loved me through it all.

We made plans for forever and in English and Spanish, he promised that he would never hurt me like my mother did.

Stupidly, I believed him. So when my job offers came in after I graduated with my bachelor’s degree, there was no debate.

I was taking the track coaching job at CFU.

It was only about ninety minutes from here, and in my mind, he and I were going to move there, together.

But that didn’t happen. No, that didn’t happen.

The man who promised to never hurt me got another woman pregnant.

He started a family with someone else, not me.

Instead of pulling into the parking lot behind the building, he pulls right in front of the apartments.

Before he can shift into park, my door is open and I’m hopping out.

He rushes out right after me and sprints up to me at the door.

After placing his hand there to stop me from opening it, he takes a step into my space.

Our eyes meet and I can see he’s distraught.

His eyes are hooded and his shoulders are slumped.

At his pitiful sight, I feel a pull in my chest.

Why the fuck did that just affect me? I need whatever the fuck that was to go away, so I close my eyes and shift my right leg over my left to distract me from him.

“All I wanted was to keep you away from the bullets. I know now that my method was fucked up. I’m sorry I did what I did and I regret that shit but I need to make something clear.

I don’t regret my son though. I would never do that.

I love him and I want him to meet the woman I love,” he says.

“’Cause real shit, I never stopped loving you. ”

“Too bad I don’t care,” I utter as I shake my head.

Thankfully, his head drops and so does his hand on the door.

He doesn’t say anything else either. Instead, he places his hand on the door handle then opens it.

He steps back while still holding the door open and I rush in.

When I make it to Ma’s door, I quickly open it, run to my room, and collapse on my bed.

The tears I managed to temporarily stop at the door pour out like a catastrophic flood.

“I see you finally gained weight,” Ma says and I frown. “Not too much but I see it, finally,” she says again for emphasis.

Growing up, I could never gain weight. Trust me, I ate, all the damn time.

But because of my constant metabolism and running, I could never break past a size six.

I stayed that size until about three years ago.

Once I turned twenty-five, my metabolism slowed the hell down and I went from a six to eight. I’m a solid nine, maybe ten, now.

“Age finally caught up with me.”

“Oh hush! You’re twenty-eight. Chile, what age? Make it to sixty, then we can talk,” she says then laughs.

God, I missed her laugh and smile. Ma’s entire round little face lights up when she does either and her whole body shakes when she laughs.

“Sixty ain’t stopping nothing for you. You got Mr. James all lovesick and chasing after you,” I say and she smiles harder. “I’m so happy for you.”

“I’m so happy too,” she gushes.

“I always knew you two were sneaking around,” I tease.