Page 28 of Just One Look

Jackson

“I’ve messed up big-time with Maverick,”

I announce glumly to the table at family lunch.

It’s a smaller crowd than usual. Pip is MIA and vague as fuck about it as usual, and Verity and Chris are attending a search-and-rescue seminar at Everleigh and are away for the weekend, which leaves only me, Clancy, Sib, and Tim.

“What did you do this time?”

Clancy asks.

I hate being a burden, but I’m glad to be living with him again. A silver lining now that my cabin at the sanctuary is nothing more than a memory. It got flattened three days ago. I feel bad about that, but I feel worse about pushing Maverick away.

He’s been pissed at me ever since he caught me riding Hope blindfolded. To be fair, I’d probably feel the same if I were in his shoes.

He’s started locking the door to his office, so I can’t leave him a coffee and a note on his desk.

He’s canceled all our scheduled meetings.

He won’t answer my texts.

My calls go straight through to voicemail.

Our regular two-o’clock bathroom appointments are a thing of the past.

And the day I moved out of my cabin? He was off-site, working from home.

“I took a horse out to see if I could still ride after losing my sight.”

“How did you do that?” Sib asks.

“I rode him blindfolded.”

She gasps, and then Clancy says.

“That sounds dangerous.”

“Stupid, more like it,”

Sib grumps. Pregnancy hormones and an idiotic younger brother are not a good combination.

“It’s fine. I didn’t go too hard, I just wanted to see if I could do it. I thought everyone had gone home for the day, but Maverick hadn’t. He saw me. Wanted to know what I was doing. And I broke down in front of him.”

I hear a chair scrape against the linoleum floor, and then a soft, warm hand covers mine. “Jaxi.”

“I was just about to tell him everything when his brother pulled up, Sib. I swear. But I chickened out. I lost my nerve completely.”

“It’s okay,”

she says, even though we all know it isn’t.

“We get scared when we think we’re going to lose something that we love.”

“Love? What? I’m not in…”

The rest of that sentence gets stuck in my throat.

Love might be going a bit too far, but my feelings for Maverick run deep. And maybe she’s right. Maybe that’s why I got scared and didn’t go through with revealing something that is going to completely destroy everything we have.

She pulls me in for a side hug since her belly sticks out so much. Tears start falling, and I’m too tired to fight them. I’ve been angry for so long, raging against the world for everything that’s fucked-up, in my feelings about my condition, fighting with Maverick and trying to make his life harder in a futile attempt to deny my attraction to him. It’s all catching up to me. I’m exhausted.

Sibella lets me cry until the top of her dress is soaked through. I pull myself off her and pat around the wet patch I created with my fingers.

“I’m so sorry.”

“I’m about to be a mom. I need to get used to wearing bodily fluids.”

“That’s so gross,”

I say, feeling around for a napkin on the table and blowing my nose loudly.

“Things will work out, Jaxi. You just need to tell Maverick the truth. Remember how scared you were to tell us? But you did, and it’s brought us even closer.”

“I know. But it’s different. We’re family. You have no choice but to put up with me.”

Clancy clears his throat, his frame shooting up at the other side of the table. He starts clearing plates. I don’t need to see his face to know I’ve put my foot in my mouth.

Mom.

Of course. What was I thinking, saying that?

She made another choice, one where she abandoned her family. I tend to focus so much on her deserting her kids, I sometimes forget that she turned her back on her father, too. Yet despite everything she’s done, he’s never once said a bad word about her.

“I didn’t mean it like that, Clancy. It’s just something you say.”

“I know, son. It’s all good. Don’t worry about it.”

“Let me give you a hand,”

Tim offers.

They collect everything from the table. I drop my head. That used to be my job.

Once they’re in the kitchen, Sib slides her hand up and down my forearm.

“You need a plan, Jaxi.”

“I already have one.”

Well, an updated one.

The original plan was to tell Maverick the day I moved out of my cabin. But he worked from home that day, so I wasn’t able to catch him at the sanctuary.

“What is it?”

“I have next Monday morning off. Requested it ages ago. Told Maverick I had a dentist appointment, but I’m really seeing my ophthalmologist.”

“Is Clancy going with you?”

“He is. He’ll drive me there and then back to the sanctuary. Once I’m there, I’m going to find Maverick, sit him down, and tell him everything.”

“Good. It’s the right thing to do. You’ll feel so much better.”

I want to believe her, I really do.

“But what if…?”

“He ends things?”

she hedges.

“No. That’s not what I was going to say. Maverick is a good man. He wouldn’t just dump me right after I tell him this. Not that we’re even officially together in order for him to be able to dump me.”

“Then what?”

“What if it…changes things?”

She pauses for a minute before responding.

“It is going to change things. Your whole life is going to be different. As much as I love you, it’s been hard sitting back and watching you live in denial and anger about it. But I have. For possibly the first time in my life, I’ve bitten my tongue and not said anything. Because I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re going through. So if you wanted to deny it, deny it. If you want to rage about it, go for it. Who am I to stop you? Just know that we’re all here for you, and if Maverick is half the man you think he is, he’ll be there for you, too.”

“I just hope I haven’t left it too late. He’s already mad at me.”

“Then make sure you tell him on Monday. No matter what, okay?”

I tap around until I find her hand and give it a firm press.

“I will. Thanks, Sib. I love you.”

“I love you, too, Jaxi.”