Page 80 of Just Like in the Movies

‘Foreplay?’ she said, suddenly feeling impossibly naïve.

‘Sure, my mom’s a card-carrying fan of great make-up sex – which means she generally has a lot of shouting matches with the guys she’s screwing.’

‘There’s a card for that?’

‘Stop interrupting, do you want to hear my juicy Bartlett story or don’t you? The press would pay a fortune for this stuff,’ he said, then frowned. And she suddenly wondered if he was thinking he’d said too much.

She let out a weighty sigh. ‘I would never sell anything you tell me. Ever.’ She crossed her little finger over her heart. ‘Pinkie swear.’ She paused. ‘Well, unless it was about Babs and Bob, then I might have to sell just a little bit. Because you know, that’s public need to know stuff.’

‘I only ever met Babs once.’

‘You met Barbara Streisand, why the heck didn’t you say so?’

‘Which story are we on here?’

‘Okay, okay, forget Babs for now, but we will be revisiting that, just so you know.’ She gulped. ‘Fine, so your mum and Ross are arguing. Foreplay arguing. Then what happened?’

He grinned, the teasing glint in his eye unmistakable. ‘Actually I’m not sure I should tell you, it’s kind of sordid.’

‘How sordid? Fifty Shades sordid or Human Centipede sordid?’

‘Is there anything in your life that doesn’t have a movie reference?’ he asked, sounding exasperated.

‘No,’ she said, unapologetically. ‘Now answer the question, because Fifty Shades sordid I can cope with … Human Centipede not so much.’

‘It’s sort of between the two.’

‘Fine. Go on, I’ll cope.’

‘All right, so they’re arguing, and then he drags her over his knee, pulls up her skirt, rips down her panties and starts spanking her. I thought he was hitting my mom. I was freaking out. Should I tell him to stop? My mom had always told us never to sass her co-stars, because that was her job I guess.’

‘So what did you do?’

‘I stood there and watched, getting more and more anxious and upset. And then it all started to change. She’d been screaming and then she started moaning. And, well … he ended up screwing her like a freight train against the sideboard. I thought she was dying, that he was killing her. I finally got up the guts to run out of my hiding place. I kicked him really hard in the nuts, started yelling at him to stop hurting my mom.’

He chuckled, the sound harsh. And her insides twisted.

What a hideous thing for a child to witness.

‘Poor Ross,’ he said. ‘I bet he didn’t get an erection for months. No wonder he ghosted me this evening, he’s probably still got PTSD from the incident …’

Ruby pushed out a laugh, trying to see the funny side. ‘What did your mum do?’

He shrugged, still smiling at the reminiscent. ‘She was furious. After Bartlett ran out of the trailer with his tail between his legs, literally, she didn’t stop yelling at me for about twenty minutes.’

‘She shouted at you?’ Ruby asked, appalled. How could Helena have been angry with her son when he had been a frightened child?

‘Yeah, she was royally pissed,’ he said, letting out a harsh chuckle. ‘And also kind of embarrassed I guess, although not as embarrassed as I was.’

‘I can’t even imagine,’ she replied, trying to see the humour in Luke’s story. But she couldn’t. No wonder he didn’t like the movies or anything associated with them – he’d lived behind the curtain, from an early age, and it hadn’t been pretty.

‘You know what still bugs me about the whole sorry episode though?’ he added, the amusement no longer reaching his eyes.

She could think of about a million things that were bugging her. ‘What?’

‘I was trying to help her. I actually thought Bartlett was going to kill her,’ he said.

‘Precisely, she should have given you a medal not gotten mad. You were just a little boy and you were trying to protect her.’