Page 11 of June (New Orleans #6)

“S o… It’s a nice night,” Jill said into the awkward silence that had developed between them.

“Yeah,” Enid replied. “Um… Do you want to maybe do something else?”

Enid had picked Jill up again, and they had gone to a quick dinner, this time grabbing food from a window and walking around with it while they ate and talked, but once they finished eating, it was as if they had run out of things to talk about. That was strange because Enid liked talking to Jill, but she felt like there was this pressure on the night now. For one, this was their second date, and Jill had been interested in doing more with Enid after their last date than just that chaste goodnight kiss, so it was possible she would want something more tonight, too.

Then again, Enid was acting like a silent weirdo, so it was possible that Jill wouldn’t want anything after this awkward walk around the Quarter. It was too early for it to be as packed as it would be later, but it was still busy. She hadn’t intended on them walking around here, but after grabbing their food, they hadn’t been paying attention to where they were going, so they had ended up there unintentionally, and now, Enid wanted to get them out of there intentionally .

“Something else? Like what?” Jill asked and took Enid’s hand when a crowd came walking toward them, laughing and talking and not paying attention to the fact that other people were around.

Enid pulled them over to the sidewalk, which was busy but not overly so, and they were able to walk until they turned a corner, which led toward Jackson Square.

“We could walk around some more,” she replied. “But you’ve seen this entire city at least a million times, right? You probably know what’s down every alleyway and in each courtyard because you literally walk around here for a living, and that’s what my dumb ass suggested we do on our date…”

Jill laughed a little and said, “True. But walking around on a date isn’t the same as walking around for work. I really don’t mind. Like I said, it’s a nice night, and I’m having a good time.”

Their hands were still connected, so Enid looked down at them as they dangled together between them. She wasn’t sure what she was feeling, but she didn’t pull away.

“Okay. Well, we can do this for a while and then maybe check out some of the art or something.”

“I know most of the artists. Want me to show you some of my favorites? They love me because I usually send tourists their way, so if you want something, I bet they’ll give you a discount.”

“Want art?” she asked.

“I just meant that if you like something you see, they’ll give it to you for cheap because they’ve made a lot of money thanks to me and Mel.”

“Oh, I don’t really have anywhere to hang it,” she admitted. “I’m still in my old bedroom.”

“What do you have on the walls of your old bedroom? I’d love to know that,” Jill said with a mischievous smile.

Enid laughed and replied, “Honestly, not much. There’s this old, framed painting my grandma had at her house. My mom gave it to me when she died. I just don’t have the desire to hang anything up in there because that would mean that I’m going to be there for a long time. Like, if I put a nail in the wall – that’s it, that’s the nail in my proverbial coffin; I’ll never move out of my parents’ house, and I’m claiming that room as my permanent living space. I just can’t do that.”

“Yeah, that makes sense. And you can still look if you want. You don’t have to buy.”

They walked on until they reached Jackson Square, and Jill walked them around to an artist who had chalk drawings lining the tall metal fence. The drawings were great, but Enid was mostly just standing there while Jill talked to the artist about his newest work. Enid looked around and thought of asking Jill if she wanted to grab some beignets or maybe just walk by the water, but her eyes landed on an older woman who was staring right back at her. She was a few artists down and didn’t look like one herself. She was just standing there, facing Enid. Then, her eyes lowered, and Enid wasn’t sure what she was looking at, but the woman shook her head.

Assuming the woman wasn’t shaking her head at her, Enid looked behind her and then back at the woman, who tilted her head as if Enid should know something she didn’t. The woman pointed, and Enid looked down again, seeing her hand still joined with Jill’s. Was this stranger upset that two women were holding hands? It was the South, but this was New Orleans… Same-sex couples came here to party all the time.

“Hey, what do you think?” Jill asked her, pulling Enid’s attention back to her.

“Oh, they’re great,” she said and smiled before turning to the artist to smile at him as well.

When Jill’s attention returned to her conversation, Enid looked up to see the woman still looking her way, except she was smiling at Enid this time, confusing the hell out of her because now she was smiling? Had Enid read her wrong, and she didn’t really care about two women holding hands? Was she maybe an older lesbian who was happy that the newest generation could do this in public because she never could? Enid shook her head in confusion. Then, the woman started to walk toward them, and Enid didn’t know what to do. Jill was now laughing loudly at something the artist had said, and she had pulled her hand away to cover her mouth to do it, so Enid was able to take a few steps away, drawn to the curious older woman who was now walking past her.

“It’s not her,” she told Enid with a smile and just continued to walk as if she’d said nothing at all.

‘Well, that was a weird thing to say to somebody,’ Enid thought to herself. ‘What did this woman even mean? Did she just decide to scare someone tonight for no reason by staring at them and making a random comment? That was probably it, but that was pretty damn rude.’

Enid hadn’t had the time to fully process that interaction, though, because suddenly, Jill’s hand was back in hers, and they were walking in the direction of the water.

“Hey, are you with me?” Jill asked.

“I’m here,” she said with a forced smile because she’d just lied to Jill.

“Do you want to keep walking around?”

“Maybe by the water?” Enid suggested, wanting to get away from the Square and the woman who could very well decide to turn around at any minute and tell her something else that might freak her out.

“Sure,” Jill replied before they crossed the street and turned right, making their way up a path that would lead to the concrete trail by the river.

They didn’t say much after that, and it was nice to just walk along the water hand in hand with someone. Enid hadn’t done this in a while.

“So, we’re going to end up pretty far away from the car if we keep walking this way. Want to turn around?” Jill asked after several minutes of walking.

Enid nodded, only now realizing that they had walked much farther than she had intended. The walk back to the car took another thirty minutes, and they talked about Jill’s tours again and her family a little. Enid told her stories about how she was an overachiever in school and a bit of a nerd. Jill laughed and called her a cute nerd, and by the time they got back to Enid’s car, Enid was feeling lighter. She liked talking to Jill. She liked laughing with her, walking around with her, and watching Jill interact with the artist she clearly knew well.

When they got to Jill’s apartment, Enid planned to say goodnight at the door like last time, but Jill just opened the door and walked inside, expecting her to follow. Enid did, but it felt like something she should do more than something she actually wanted to do.

“I’ve got coffee,” Jill said. “Or do you want to open that wine I mentioned? I found it last night after you left.”

“Oh,” Enid said. “Coffee is fine.”

“Have a seat,” Jill replied and nodded toward the sofa. “I’ll make it. I have a pod machine and a variety pack. Any particular flavor you want?”

“No, just regular coffee is fine with me.”

“Are you a regular coffee kind of woman?” Jill asked.

“Usually, I add a packet of sugar, and that’s about it. I’ll do a cappuccino every now and then, but I haven’t had one of those in a while. They’re more expensive, so I gave them up when I moved back home.”

“I get that. This thing is two years old, and I need a new one, but I don’t want to spend money on it until I have to. I choose to have a crappy coffee maker at home so that I can buy a few more cappuccinos out there.”

Enid laughed and asked, “How is that working out for you?”

“Oh, I’m not saving money at all,” Jill said and laughed. “It’s just how I rationalize buying coffee that’s five bucks for a small cup.”

While Jill worked on their coffees in the kitchen, Enid looked more closely around the room she hadn’t had much time in the previous night. It was a nice apartment, and it had Enid missing the small one she had had in Florida. It hadn’t been great or special, but she’d been working on making it a home right before she’d gotten laid off.

Jill sat down a few minutes later and placed two mismatched cups on the table in front of them. Enid liked that Jill didn’t have matching coffee cups. She had been thinking about how ahead this woman seemed to be in her life compared to her, but something simple like not having a set of matching cups made Enid feel a little bit better.

“I added a teaspoon of sugar. Is that okay?” Jill asked.

“Perfect,” she said.

Enid looked at the coffee and knew she would drink it, but she didn’t really want it. She wasn’t sure what she wanted, though, so that was the bigger problem that she would have to try to solve for herself later.

“Want to watch a movie or something?” Jill asked.

Enid nodded, so Jill reached for the remote, and a few minutes later, they had a movie on for them to watch. Enid had taken a sip of her coffee, and Jill snuggled into her side. Enid wrapped an arm around her shoulders in return, and it was nice again. When she didn’t think too much about the fact that this was a date , it was nice, being with Jill. The two of them were more relaxing together than anything, and she liked that.

Then, Jill kissed her neck, and Enid’s eyes widened. She hadn’t been prepared for that, but she should have been because this was a date. It was a second date, and they hadn’t even had a real kiss yet, so when Jill repeated the movement and her hand moved to rest on Enid’s stomach under her shirt instead of over it how it had been for the past hour, Enid’s heart started to race.

Neither of them said anything, but Enid moved her face, and Jill lifted her head. Jill’s lips were on hers then, and Enid was kissing her back. She cupped Jill’s cheek, and before she knew it, Jill’s face was moving away and out of her grasp because Jill was lying down on the sofa. Enid moved on top of her, and Jill’s hands moved to Enid’s back under her shirt. When Enid looked down at her and saw Jill smile, she realized that she had to stop. This had gone farther than it should have, and very quickly, so she hadn’t had time to explain.

“I have to tell you something,” she said.

“What? Now ?”

Enid nodded and told her, “Someone else asked me out today, and I said yes.”

Jill’s eyes widened, and her face showed both confusion and a little anger. Was that anger? Sadness? Enid couldn’t exactly read the woman well after only one and a half dates, so when Jill cleared her throat, she tried to mentally prepare herself for whatever it might be.

“Well, we’re not exactly exclusive, so that’s fine.”

“It is ?” Enid asked her.

“Have you never just dated?” Jill asked.

“Yes, but I asked you out, and then, I met someone, and she asked me out today. I’ve never had that happen before.”

Jill nodded and tapped Enid’s back, indicating that she should move off of her, which Enid did, sitting back on her heels, facing Jill, who was sitting up sideways on the couch.

“Okay. I think we should be honest with each other, so thank you for telling me before we took any big steps,” Jill said. “Do you want to go out with me again?”

Enid nodded, but she didn’t know how to put her feelings into words, so she didn’t say anything.

“Then, we’ll go out again.”

“Okay,” Enid said.

“But I don’t think I want to do what we were about to do just now. Not tonight, anyway,” Jill added.

“Yeah, I get it,” Enid replied, but she hadn’t planned on doing that tonight either way. “I kind of ruined the mood.”

Kissing Jill was good. It wasn’t fireworks or stomach butterflies, but it was good. Enid wanted to explore that to see if it would get even better the more they did it, but she wasn’t ready for sex with her.

“Want to finish the movie?” Jill asked.

“Let’s do it,” she said.

But Jill didn’t snuggle into her again, nor did she take Enid’s hand, so when the movie was over, Enid rose, and Jill walked her to the door, where she kissed Enid on the cheek. As she drove home, Enid wondered if she’d done this wrong. Should she have told Jill about Caroline right when she had picked her up? Over their shared meal as they had walked? Maybe when they had been in the Square, or as they watched the movie?

Jill was right: they weren’t exclusive, not even close, so Enid was free to date whomever she wanted, and so was Jill. They should just be honest about it. Still, there was something weird between them now that Enid didn’t know what to do with, and she was left wondering about the lack of fireworks when they’d kissed, too. That had her thinking about Caroline and if they’d have fireworks when they kissed.

◆◆◆

“Hey, honey,” her dad said when she sat down on the sofa next to him.

“Hi, Dad.”

“You’re home early.”

“Yeah.”

“Date didn’t go well?” he asked.

“Not exactly, no,” she replied.

“Want to talk about it?”

Enid loved her father. He was just the best guy in the world. He’d accepted her wholeheartedly when she’d come out, had always asked about her girlfriends, and made it clear that he didn’t care when, one day, he would walk her down the aisle, that there would be a woman there with her.

“I should like her, Dad.”

“Should?”

“She’s beautiful and funny, and she’s smart and–”

“Those are all things that she is, yes, but there’s got to be a spark. Is there a spark?” he asked.

Enid shook her head.

“Well, sometimes, sparks come later. That can happen. Do you think that could happen here?”

“I don’t know. That’s the problem. I don’t know if I just met a new friend who’s going to be a good friend forever or if I’m supposed to give us time and a few more dates to figure out that this can be more than that.”

“How does she feel?”

“I think she feels like it’s more already,” Enid admitted. “Which makes me feel like crap.”

“Honey, if you don’t see yourself with this woman, you should tell her. Let her down easy. Don’t drag it out.”

“I know. I thought that maybe it was like you said, that I needed the time to find the spark,” she replied.

“If that’s the case, you should tell her that . I’d want to know if your mother wasn’t where I was when we were first dating.”

“You would? Wouldn’t it have hurt because you were already in love with her?”

“Yes, it would have hurt, but it’s better to know. She should be able to make her own decisions.”

“I know. You’re right,” Enid said.

Then, she thought about Jill standing in a wide black space in her mind. Caroline was standing there, too, but about five feet away. Enid thought about the spark her father had been talking about, and when she pictured both women, she knew she felt a spark. It just wasn’t for Jill.