Page 76 of Joey

“That was a long time ago. We were kids making stupid promises to each other. I get that I should’ve told you first, but it all kind of happened so fast. I tried to fight it, but I couldn’t. Still, I want to do this right. You two are my family,” I say, choking up on the last word.

“A family you were prepared to walk away from? Because you knew what would happen if you fucked around with Joey.” Dante says, his tone cold and detached.

“I would never ask either of you to choose between me and Anya or Kat. Never. But if you make me choose, I will choose her. Every single fucking time.” I step forward and place my palms flat on their desk. “I know you’re worried that I might hurt her—” I stop to swallow the words that get stuck in my throat. “But I never would. I’ll never drink when I’m with her. Never take so much as an aspirin if she’s staying in my bed. I don’t know if—”

Lorenzo holds up a hand. “You can’t seriously think our problem with you dating our sister has anything to do with the Delgado girl?”

I blink at him.

“That was twelve fucking years ago, compagno,” Dante adds.

“I fucking killed her,” I remind them. “And I still don’t remember a goddamn thing.”

“You were drunk and on drugs. You weren’t thinking straight,” Lorenzo says, his brow furrowed in a scowl.

“I still did it. If I ever hurt Joey like that—” I drop into one of the chairs in front of their desk and scrub a hand over my face.

Dante leans forward in his seat. “We don’t want you to date our sister because it’s messy, Max. If you and she…” He shakes his head. If Joey and I don’t work out, it would put us all in an untenable position. “It has nothing to do with what happened with that girl.”

“But it should! You should want me to stay away from her because you know what I’m capable of. The things I’ve done. I want to stay away from her because of them.” I drop my head into my hands. “But I can’t.”

Dante clears his throat. “So, you date our sister, but you never spend the night together? How the fuck does that even work, Max? She’ll never go for it.”

“As long as I don’t fall asleep—”

“Now you’re going to stop sleeping?” Dante snaps.

“No,” I bark. I don’t know the answers. All I know is that I can’t live without her. And I can’t hurt her. “I’ll figure something out. Maybe I could get some therapy or something?”

Lorenzo snorts. “Therapy?”

“Yes. Therapy,” I repeat. “To figure out what happened. Because if I could just remember…” I shake my head.

“You need to stop fucking torturing yourself, Max,” Dante says with a sigh. “You were both so wasted, you didn’t know what you were doing. She was into some kinky shit like you, and it went too far because you were both too fucked up to stop it. That’s all.”

I stare at him. I wish it was as easy for me to explain away, but not being able to remember what happened that night haunts my every waking moment. I’ve killed plenty of people—my body count is higher than both Moretti brothers’ combined—but I remember them all. I watched the light go out of their eyes every single time.

Except for her.

I took her life and don’t even remember doing it. How the hell am I supposed to sleep next to the most precious person in the entire world and not worry that one morning I might wake up and find her lifeless face on the pillow next to me?

Lorenzo cuts off my internal argument. “You should tell her.”

“I should what?”

“Tell her. She deserves to know,” Lorenzo replies with a shrug.

“You didn’t think that earlier,” I remind him.

“I didn’t realize it still ate you up this much.”

“And if it didn’t eat me up? If I could just forget about the fact that I murdered an innocent girl while we were having sex,thatwould be okay? I wouldn’t have to tell her then?” I snap.

“If you’re making decisions about Joey’s life—about the kind of life she’ll have if she chooses you, then she deserves to know before she falls for you any more than she already has.”

Dante nods solemnly, siding with his brother. “He’s right, Max.”

“What if she hates me?”