Page 93 of Jerk

“Empathy,” she spits back, frustration in her voice. “Help me figure out if she’s okay. I know you want to.”

“No.”

“All this because she told everyone you slept with the Coach’s wife?” Ember makes that sound much more trivial than it is. “You started it!”

“Shestarted it, Ember!” The roar in my voice startles me. “She’s not the victim here!”

“Everything alright?” Mac appears by the door, his glare heavier than it was inside.

Ember ignores him, way too involved in my shit. “You know Hannah didn’t mean to send that photo. Marisol did.”

That weight twists. “That’s not the only line she crossed.” Flicking my cigarette to the stone, I use the heat inside me to stomp it out.

“This is still about Hannah?” Mac stares at the way my boot turns the cigarette into a pile of mush before I reach for another. “Fuck, Butterfly, you were right."

“I know,” Ember says. “He knows it too.”

Fuck this. Fuck her. Fuck them.

“Whose side are you guys on?” My eyes dart between them. I brought Ember out here to calmly get her off my back. Not for them to tell me shit that just doesn’t make sense.

“I just want my friend to be okay,” Ember says. “And I need you to stop acting like you don’t care if she is!”

“I don’t!” Before I know it, I’m taking the bottle out of Ember’s hand and smashing it on the stone. The glass shatters over our shoes. No one flinches.

“That proves my point.” Ember laughs. If it wasn’t for Mac, I’d find another way to shut her the fuck up. "Face it, Hannah is the only person to make you crack. And she’s made a hell of a fracture. You can handle a scandal. What you can’t handle? Is her. And that fucks with you, and your little bitch boy ego, doesn’t it?"

Stepping to Ember, her back hits the wall. She doesn’t waiver, blowing a puff of smoke in my face.

“Try it and you’re dead.” Mac’s hand comes to my shoulder with a firm grip.

“Take her inside,” I growl, my heart pounding way harder than it did after a couple of lines.

“Punishing yourselfandher doesn’t mean you’re over it,” Ember says, her eyes narrowing into mine. She fights like Hannah, and I can see why Mac almost ruined himself for her. “If she called, you’d answer. Stop kidding yourself and wasting my time.” With that, she turns towards the door. “Come on, Mac, if he’s too self-involved to help me find her, I’ll figure it out.”

Mac lets out a low whistle before his hand slams into my back a couple of times. It feels like a friendly thing to do, but I get the warning. “Don’t let yourself bleed out, Rowen. The guys miss you.” He turns to follow Ember. “You’ve lost enough.”

Then it’s me and the moon.

My back hits the brick wall, bass bumping through the window next to it. My cigarette burns to the filter, so I flick it across the stone. Pushing my hand in my pocket, my phone sits against it, Ember’s words in my head.

Has she really not heard from her? Or was she saying that so I’d admit what she wanted? That I’m heartbroken. That I can’t handle her. That I’m a little bitch boy…

Pulling out my phone, I unlock the screen and hold my breath.

No missed calls.

I tap her name, my last text to her staring me in the face.

Ryung: I’m not done with you

After typing out some words, my finger hovers over the blue arrow.

Ryung: Where are you?

I delete it, pushing my phone back in my pocket as my craving for another cigarette reaches its peak. I need something stronger to bury the memories of this semester. To bury how it feels to have Hannah Alfonso consume me. To forget how it feels to have her body on mine, my hand around her throat, her gasps in my ear.

My eyes squeeze shut.