Page 123 of Jensen

“I’d better not see that look again,” Leland says.

“What look?” I whisper, blinking.

He releases my face as the door opens and he gets out. My heels are so high, I can’t scramble out on my own. He has to take me by the waist and lift me to my feet. We’re close, body heat tingling.

“Defiance,” he says quietly.

I shake my head.

He frowns. “You answer when you’re spoken to.”

My pride bubbles up, and I swallow it down. “No, sir.”

He’s looking at me with intensity. I’m eighteen years old, standing in my kitchen, where he tells me I don’t have a choice about marrying him. I caved, I crumbled in his hands, but not this time.

“I won’t make trouble,” I say.

His mouth thins. “This is going to be a long conversation,” he says. “For tonight, go see Landis.”

Up until now, I kept telling myself I wouldn’t see Landis until tomorrow, so I didn’t lose control. But the minute he says that, tears start streaming. I’m through the front door, heels clacking on the staircase and down the hall. Landis’ room is three doors down from the room I used to share with Leland. There’s a strip of blue glowing beneath the door from his nightlight.

I turn the knob. Inside, everything is the same. A dinosaur print bed set Kayleigh gave him for Christmas. A matching lamp I bought him for his birthday. A little mound under the covers.

My body is floating, free falling. Somehow, I’m across the room, sinking onto the bed. I peel back the covers, and he stirs, eyelids flickering.

“Mommy?”

My heart breaks into a thousand pieces. He’s confused. Then, he focuses on me and his face changes to shock. My arms are out. He’s falling into them, and I push my face into his dark hair, inhaling. My pulse races almost as fast as the tears falling from my chin.

He’s here. I can feel his chubby arms wrapped around my neck. He smells like toddler shampoo and Landis, the best smell in the entire world.

“Mommy, where did you go?” he asks, struggling to pull back.

I release him, brushing his hair from his eyes. “I just had to take a trip, but I’m back. I won’t leave again. I promise, I won’t.”

He frowns. “Daddy said you went home.”

“It’s hard to explain,” I manage. “But I’m home. Tomorrow, I’ll spend the whole day with you. I won’t leave you again, I promise.”

The door creaks. I glance over and see the outline of Leland in the doorway. He’s got his hands in his pockets, leaning on the wall.

“You say goodnight to your mother,” he says. “We’ll eat breakfast together in the morning.”

“But I want Mommy to sleep with me,” says Landis.

Leland shakes his head. “No, not tonight.”

My heart hurts so badly, I’ll be up all night cleaning the porcelain teacup shards of it and piecing them together. Landis stares at his father, and a strong crease appears between his brows. I’m taken aback. That face…that’s my daddy’s bullish expression, the one he wore every day until he died. Maybe there’s more Cooley in my baby than I realized.

“Say goodnight,” says Leland.

There’s the old Leland, brisk, authoritative, and used to being obeyed. I take Landis’ face in my hands to kiss his forehead, again and again. His arms wrap around my neck, and I bury my face in his hair. He feels like pure sunshine, like a morning in the house I grew up in. When he pulls back, I kiss him again, laying him back and tucking him in.

“I’ll be here the minute you open your eyes,” I say. “I promise.”

His eyes are heavy. A little smile touches his lips.

“Goodnight, Mommy,” he whispers.