Page 18
Story: Jael (Inspired by Judges #4)
Danny ordered a coke, and he and Jael sat in silence for a while.
“Hannah’s worried about you,” he said, remembering Hannah’s request. “She asked if you could send her a text once I found you. Let her know you’re okay.”
“I told her I was fine.”
“But you’re not.”
She took her phone out of her purse in a huff and rested it on the bar. “Life is easier when no one’s worried about you.”
“Oh, yeah? How’s that been working out for you?”
She glared at him, then punched out a text to Hannah.
Next time, don’t tell Danny where I am.
“Don’t send that,” Danny said. “She’s trying to help.”
She handed him her phone. “Then you send something.”
Danny found me. He’ll make sure I get home safe.
He handed back the phone, but she didn’t take it, so he left it on the counter.
“I’m not the same dumb kid I used to be,” he said, spinning his drink on the counter.
“No? Well, I’m still as stupid as ever.”
“That’s not true.”
“And yet here I am, falling into another trap. Seems like I don’t pick the men in my life very well.”
“You haven’t had a choice.”
“I did with you.” She looked at him for a second and then back at her drink. “Do you have any idea how much I liked you back then?”
He was startled by her admission. He hated to remember how he’d treated her. But he had had his reasons. Not that there was any excuse for his behavior. “Liked me ? Or the idea of me?”
“Is there a difference? We didn’t know each other well, but we knew enough.”
“Yeah, but you were the rich man’s daughter, and I was the kid from the wrong side of the tracks.”
“You say that like I was the one with the wrong motives. All you wanted was a trophy to show off to your friends.”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry for the way I treated you. It was wrong.”
“I stewed on that for a long time. I fantasized about telling my dad what you did.”
“He would have killed me.”
“I doubt it. You were too valuable to him.”
“So were you.”
“He would have told me I got what I deserved. Then he would have given you a bonus for teaching me a lesson about my place in this world and reminded me that you weren’t to be the one by my side, no matter how I felt about you. But I’m not the best judge. I got it way wrong with you. I was convinced you felt the same.”
“I did.”
“That’s how you act when you like someone?”
“When you made your intentions clear, I had no idea which way was up. Until that point, I never thought I had a chance with you, so when I realized I did, I got scared and convinced myself that you were using me. I thought I’d better get at you before you could get at me.”
“Maybe I was. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t also like you. I knew my dad wouldn’t be happy, but you were so different from everyone else. You were confident, but even in the work you did for my dad, you never seemed to enjoy it.”
“I never really did.”
“That’s what I mean. Everyone else in my world got something from it. You were the first person I thought might actually understand me. But then you—humiliated me.”
“I know.”
He studied his hands, sick at the memory. They’d spent time together on a couple of jobs, and it was enough for him to know she was different, and it had nothing to do with her money. He ruined it and got a slap, which was less than he deserved, before she ran away to the laughs of his friends. It was one of the things he’d asked God’s forgiveness for more than once, because it always stung to think about it.
“If I asked you to forgive me,” he said. “Would you?”
She smirked. “You want me to forgive you? Sure. You’re forgiven. Now will you leave me alone?”
“No.”
She sucked on her teeth and frowned. “You weren’t the worst, you know.”
“Worst what?”
“You weren’t the one who treated me the worst.”
He closed his eyes for a beat. “You haven’t had a lot of good men around you.”
“You knew one side of my father, but that wasn’t the man he really was.”
“He was good to me, but I knew he wasn’t a good man.”
She bit her bottom lip as she looked at him, and her frown deepened. “Did you know I almost married a prince? A guy from Saudi Arabia— Well, I say almost, but he was never interested in me like that. I threw myself at him when he visited us. My dad was doing a deal, and had asked me to keep the prince company.”
“You mean?—”
“No. How far I went was up to me. My job was to charm him. Make him feel welcome. I think this was right after you disappeared. I’d had enough of my life. My hope was that this guy could be my escape. He was nice enough. But he and my dad both knew what I was there for, and it wasn’t marriage. Once the deal was done, he left.”
“He was the only one?”
“That I tried to marry? Yes.”
“But there were more men you had to keep happy?”
“Sometimes. My dad always used me to his best advantage, whatever that happened to be at the moment. Sometimes that meant playing the perfect hostess.”
“I remember. You were still doing it at the dinner party the other night.”
She nodded. “At least that’s all he’s coerced me into lately…until now. I always thought that, one day, I’d escape it. But it’s not all bad. Christopher will probably get bored with me eventually, and life will go on. It’s far better than what it was like when I was—” She stopped abruptly and took a drink but didn’t continue.
“When you were what?” Danny pressed.
“Nothing. Never mind.”
“Please tell me.”
“You think you want to know, but you don’t.”
“Please.”
“Fine, but you asked for it. When I was a girl. My dad knew the evils of this world and said he wanted to prepare me for it. That gave him an excuse to use me however he wanted.” When she saw the horrified look on his face, she added, “Not like that. He never touched me. It was the things I saw. What I was a part of. Murders. Torture.”
“When you were young?”
“That’s when it started.”
“If I had known?—”
“There was nothing you could have done.” She shook her head. “It didn’t even matter at the start. I worshipped my father. Whatever he did, I wanted to be a part of it. I convinced myself it was good. It had to be. I never liked it, but I thought that was something wrong with me, not him.”
“How old were you?”
“It’s been ever since I can remember. He liked to see the fear in a man’s eyes, and he wanted me to know what that was like. It amused him, I think, to have me with him. A young girl watching while he tortured or killed a man. It messed with them. Broke them in a way he’d never seen before.”
Danny’s stomach twisted. Christopher had pulled a similar stunt with Eva at Burger’s house.
“I can’t imagine what that would have been like for you,” he said. “Did anyone else know what was happening?”
“I think maybe Artus knew. He may have told Christopher, but other than that, I have no idea. Then I reached an age where men found me beautiful. My dad thought this was even better. He would strip them naked in front of me and humiliate them.”
“Jael, I—I wish I had known what he was doing back then. It’s so wrong.”
“I shouldn’t have told you all of that. We can’t go back to the past. The damage was already done by the time you showed up anyway.”
“When did he finally stop?”
She started to laugh, but it died off, and her eyes glistened with tears that didn’t quite spill, her fury keeping them at bay. “I thought it would happen the day he died. It’s better this way.”
“How?”
“Before I had hope. Now I know how useless that was. I’ll take my punishment because I deserve it.”
“No. You never deserved any of that, and it’s not your fault. Jael, whatever you do next, you can’t marry?—”
Her body sagged onto the bar. “I don’t feel good.”
He was off his chair in an instant. “Let’s get out of here.”
She nodded, and he draped her arm over his shoulder, taking most of her weight as he led her to the door.
When they got outside, she leaned her back against the cool stone wall, tilting her head up to breathe deeply of the night air.
“Are you going to be sick?” he said with his hands on her, ready to angle her toward the wall.
“I don’t think so. It’s better now, but can we get out of here?”
“Yeah. I can take you home.”
“No. I don’t want to go home.”
“You should sleep.”
“Please. I can’t go home. I know what will meet me behind my eyelids. I’m not ready for that yet. Can we just drive?”
“Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t care. I need—” Her mouth moved like she wanted to add more but couldn’t come up with the right word.
“What do you need?”
She looked at him. “I don’t know what to do with this.”
“With what?”
“You. Danny Fletcher dragging me from a bar because I’ve lost control.”
He nodded. “You’d rather someone else came to save you.”
“No. That’s not what I mean. It’s been ten years. If you were in prison right now— If they hadn’t let you out, or if you hadn’t come back to see my dad, where would I be right now?”
“Someone else would have come.”
“No. There’s no one to look out for me. You’re here now, but you’ll go too, won’t you?”
She was right. He would go, and there wouldn’t be anyone. Hannah cared, but she couldn’t do much. Jael needed to be set free. “I’m here now.”
“What about when I marry Christopher?”
“Don’t marry him.”
“I don’t have a choice.”
“You always have a choice.”
“Just take me away from here, will you?”
He helped her to his car and settled her in the passenger seat. When he got in on the other side, she was resting her head on the headrest with her eyes closed.
“You sure you don’t want me to take you home?” he said.
“No.” Her hand fumbled for his with her eyes still closed, and he took it. “Just drive.”