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Jonathan

I am wild with resolve. I have to kill myself. I have to do it now. In my pocket I have an end-of-life concoction that would see me dead in three minutes. I reach for it.

“What are you doing?” Eva grabs my hands to stop them.

“You heard him.” I am shaking. “But it doesn’t have to be you. It can just be me. Maybe they’ll be satisfied.”

“I don’t think so,” she says.

I force her hands away and pull out the pills. They start to melt in my sweaty hands.

“Jonathan, no. We have to stick with the plan. The plan was to die anyway.”

“You heard him. He wants bodies. It’s not going to work.” She knows I am right. “We only have an hour. You know they’ll kill him. They’ll kill him so fast.”

“You can’t protect him. They’re right—we don’t have time.”

“I need to call him.” I try Mas but he does not pick up. The fucker. I text him, They are sending someone to kill you in an hour , but I have always been so paranoid about him that my credibility on these things is dust.

“It’s going to be okay,” Eva says. “I mean, as okay as it can be.” She squeezes my hand. “We should move forward with the plan. We don’t have another option.”

I avoid her eyes. I am shaking everywhere. I feel like a mess, like a child. I feel completely out of control.

“I can’t.” I pull my hand away. “I’m sorry, but I can’t. I have to go to Paris.” I start toward the door, toward the drive, toward the car, disoriented.

She follows me. “Jonathan, this is a mistake. Your brother is smart. He can take care of himself.”

“You don’t have to come with me,” I say. I would die for my brother. In some ways, that has been the highest aspiration of my life.

I reach the car. I take the keys out of my pocket, but my hands are shaking so badly that I drop them.

Eva picks them up. I cannot read her expression. “Get in the front seat. I’ll drive.”

“We’ll never make it in time,” I admit.

“We’ll take the TGV. It’s faster.” It is not fast enough. She sets her jaw. “If they kill him, they lose their bargaining chip.” She rests her hand on my shoulder. “We’re gonna call their bluff.”

She opens the door for me. I get into the car.