Page 13 of Isolated (Harper Security Ops #21)

Iris

My mind was racing.

Given the uncontrollable flutter in my belly, agreeing to come out to lunch with Landen might have been the worst decision imaginable. It was entirely possible I wouldn’t be able to keep a stitch of food down.

I felt so conflicted. Confused. Uncertain.

On the one hand, I was absolutely devastated about all that had been going on at work.

Everything had seemed so perfect; I couldn’t have asked for anything better.

I had the respect of my superiors, the support and amicability of my colleagues, the drive and vision to do well at my job, and a promotion on the horizon. What more could I have wanted?

Then it all fell apart.

I was still reeling over the conversation I’d had with Robert in his office this morning. To hear the doubt in his tone as he questioned me about what was happening with me lately was unnerving. I hadn’t changed anything I was doing, and somehow, everything was unraveling.

And when Robert told me that he had wanted nothing more than for me to fill the position Howard would be leaving at the end of the year but that he, Robert, might now need to reconsider the promotion if things didn’t turn around, it was like taking a knife to the heart.

I’d worked so hard to get to where I was, to earn that promotion.

And through a series of events that were out of my control, that advancement in the company was now at risk.

I’d never missed a meeting, and I always completed tasks and campaigns before their deadlines.

Now, in just a matter of days, I’d proven I could no longer be trusted or relied upon.

No wonder Robert had called me into his office and urged me to take some time off. If I had been on the outside looking in, I would think I suddenly didn’t care about my position any longer, too.

But the worst part of all of it was that I had this horrible, nagging suspicion that this was just the beginning. I didn’t know why, but I was certain that I hadn’t quite experienced the worst of it yet.

The emotions moving through me now were such a contrast to those I’d held on to the night Walter had fixed my water heater. It might have only been a week and a day since then, but it felt like a lifetime had passed.

No amount of positive thinking or hope was going to turn things around.

And if it was this bad already, I wondered what else I could expect in the coming days and weeks.

But while I felt so distraught over work, I now felt a sense of excitement and anticipation. Because without even seeming to need to give it a second thought, Landen had asked me out to lunch.

And that seemed strange, given all that I was facing at work and that he’d never asked before now.

Sure, I realized this wasn’t an official date—I hoped a real one wouldn’t be brought on by such an awful situation—but it felt good to know that Landen cared the way he did. I’d merely said I needed someone to talk to, and he came up with a solution on the spot.

As eager as I was about having the opportunity to have lunch with him, it wasn’t a surprise I wished this was happening without the situation I was dealing with looming over my head.

But I tried to look on the bright side. At least my decision to drive to Harper Security Ops to see Landen this morning had led to him offering to look into what might have been happening with my emails and calendar.

Being the kind of woman that I was, especially when it came to my work, I hated that something completely outside my control was impacting my ability to do my job properly.

It was beyond frustrating that some technical glitch was leading my superiors and colleagues to look at me like I’d completely disregarded my position and purpose within the company.

Maybe Landen would be able to help me turn things around. There was no question I already owed him a debt of gratitude for simply offering to be a good friend to me.

We’d barely sat down and ordered our food when his words broke through the thoughts swirling in my mind. “It’s probably criminal for me to admit just how much I’d be willing to pay to know what’s going on inside your head.”

I scoffed. “You’d likely ask for a refund once you got a hold of such a mess.”

One half of his mouth quirked with a smile. “I don’t think that’s true at all. But given that you said you just wanted someone to talk to, I’m guessing I don’t need to dole out any cash to get some insight into that mind of yours.”

The moment he said the words, I realized how strange it was.

Landen, my gym buddy, was the guy I went to when it felt like my world was falling apart.

And he wasn’t wrong. He wouldn’t need to pay a single cent to hear anything going on in my mind, because I wouldn’t hesitate to share.

It had always been easy to talk to him, even if we hadn’t ever discussed the one thing I’d been hoping to for months.

“You know, this isn’t how I envisioned ever sharing a meal with you,” I mumbled.

Landen wrinkled his nose with curiosity. “But you have envisioned sharing a meal with me?”

I winced, feeling the flush creep over my cheeks.

Great.

Just great.

Maybe Robert was right about questioning my ability to handle this promotion. Clearly, I wasn’t thinking straight, if I’d revealed what I just had to Landen.

“This day just keeps getting better and better.” I sighed. “How mortified should I be right now?”

“I don’t think you should be embarrassed at all. I’ve imagined sharing a meal with you before, too.”

My brows lifted. “You have? ”

Landen shrugged. “You did mention that you’d attend another wedding with me, didn’t you?”

So, never before that…

The wind was instantly out of my sails. “Do you have another wedding to go to?”

He shook his head. “No invites yet. But I do promise that you’re on my radar if I get one.”

“Well, at least I’ve got that to look forward to,” I reasoned, feeling marginally better. “I don’t want you to think I’m not grateful for this today, Landen. I am. It’s just that if I was going to join you for lunch ever, I wish it wasn’t with me feeling like such a mess.”

Landen offered a nod of understanding. “I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Hopefully, it’s nothing more than just a technical glitch. And at the very least, if that’s the case, you could take that to your boss and explain what happened.”

I’d be tempted to kiss Landen if he could figure out something like that. Then again, it wasn’t like I hadn’t ever imagined kissing him before. If he wound up solving this mess, there was no question I’d find him even more appealing than I already did and wouldn’t be able to show any restraint.

“That would be amazing.” There was such a tightness in my chest; I rubbed my hand against it in hopes of easing the ache. “These last couple of weeks have been so tough.”

“You did a good job of hiding it for a while,” he noted. “It wasn’t until this past Monday that I even had a clue that something was off.”

“Yeah. And then you asked me about it yesterday,” I reminded him.

It seemed we both took a moment to recall that conversation from yesterday. Landen was a private investigator, so it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me that he’d noticed something wasn’t right with me. But in so many ways, it had caught me off guard.

I could only assume it was because I hadn’t imagined he’d paid attention to me on that level.

“Why didn’t you tell me what was going on then?” There was such concern in his tone, just like I’d heard yesterday. “Or, better yet, if you’ve been having such a difficult time for a couple of weeks now, why didn’t you say something sooner?”

“I think there’s more than one reason for that.

” I took a sip of my drink, allowing the liquid to slip past the lump that had become a permanent fixture in my throat recently.

“At first, it might have been some denial at play. I guess there was a part of me that thought if I ignored those first few things, if I told myself that everything would be fine, it would all disappear. But beyond that, as things got worse at work and at home, I wanted something to stay normal. My workouts with you ever since this started were the one thing that still felt good. I didn’t want this negativity to leak into that. ”

Satisfaction mixed with a growing sense of bewilderment in Landen’s expression. “What’s going on at home?”

I sighed. “Well, that’s probably just me being more dramatic than anything else. My hot water heater needed to be replaced during all this, and it just added one more thing to my plate.”

He hissed. “Wow. You really have been having a difficult time lately, haven’t you? Did you get the water heater taken care of?”

Smiling, recalling that day and not wanting Landen to worry more than he already seemed to be, I shared, “Walter did it for me.”

“Walter?”

A laugh escaped. “My slightly cranky elderly neighbor. Last Tuesday, I called all around town, looking for someone to come and figure out why I had no hot water. When I got home from another stress-filled day at work, Walter approached me. He does that on occasion. Anyway, I told him I didn’t have time to chat, because I still hadn’t located anyone, and he offered to fix it for me.

So, really, I don’t have any reason to complain about that, because it’s all fixed now.

But the timing of it was very inconvenient. ”

“I can imagine.” He lifted his own drink to his lips, and I watched his throat move as he swallowed the liquid down. “Has anything else been happening at home that’s been difficult for you, or is it just the water heater?”