Page 26 of Ironhold, Trial Four
With the games concluded, we returned to Ironhold. Vex and Rowan are carried on carts while the healers work on them. I am no longer held by chains, so I have an easy enough time walking. Crowds along the way cheer our names, but I cannot give them my attention when my thoughts are all on what is happening to Alaric.
“Why didn't you finish him?” I ask Rowan, with a glance across at Vex.
Rowan shakes his head. “I didn't need to when it came to it.”
“He killed Zara. He killed Naia.”
We have lost friends to Vex. Killing him seems as though it would have been revenge. I'm surprised with the vehemence with which I think about Vex. He and Ravennahave made my time at Ironhold almost unbearable at times. Ravenna is dead at my hands, but now… now Vex gets to walk away from it all. He gets to be a champion of the gamesand be lauded by all the other nobles of the city. He will havegood posts and potentially great marriage offers waiting for him, and all because he has killed another of my friends.
Ironhold looms ahead. Our little procession makes it through the gates, and we come to a halt in the practice yard. Lord Darius is waiting for us.
“Once more, the games are ended. Once more, we must honor the fallen.” He slams his fist against his chest and then raises it.
“The fallen!” we all repeat, the sound of the phrase echoing around the fortress. And I do think of the fallen. I think of Zara, I think of Naia. I think of those I've killed. I even think of Callus, who gave Alaric no choice but to kill him to save me. Each time I think about the things I could have done differently, the ways in which I might have been able to help. Grief is a heavyweight on my heart, making me feel leaden with it. I cry silent tears for the dead, and not just for them.
My tears are for Alaric too, kept in a cell somewhere, awaiting his fate. A part of me insists that I must do something now to save him, do something to get him free, but I do not know what I can do or even where he is. Not knowing only makes the tears fall faster.
In the middle of it all, it is time for the second part of the ceremony. Lord Darius stands there, concentrating, and now most of us there cry out in pain as burning heatflares across the circular brands on our left shoulders. A line of fire appears across mine, burning a fourth stripeacross the circleto proclaim that I have successfully completedfour seasons within the arena. Rowan has three such stripes.
And, of course, Vex now has five. Lord Darius goes to him, standing beside him.
“Vex is a champion of the colosseum. He has survived five seasons, fought in battles that would make most people cower just to think about them. He has fought with bravery and honor, exhibiting the virtues that the city most values.”
He clasps his hand to Vex’s, then gestures to the open doors of Ironhold.
“Go now, Vex. Your future in the city awaits you.”
Vex bows to him briefly, turning to salute the rest of usas if he is some conquering hero, rather than just someone who was allowedto live by Rowan. The gates shut after him, reminding the rest of us that we are stuck in the fortress prison until such time as we can complete our seasons, or until we die, whichever happens first.
“The rest of you have earned your celebrations. Enjoy them, because soon another season in the arena will be upon you.”
Lord Darius turns and leaves, even as the gladiators cheerin celebration of all they have survived. It isn't long before music startsand wine begins to flow. People start to dance. A few of them start to draw me into that dancing, but I pull away. I might have survived my latest season, but I have no wish to celebrate when Alaric is imprisoned.
While the others spill into the dining hall to feast, I quickly leave the party behind. Rowan goes with me.
“You should get to the healers,” I say.
“I want to make sure you're all right first,” Rowan replies.
I'm not. How could I beafter everything that has happened? I look at Rowan, and there’s still a hint of attraction there butthe surprising thing is that it's not more than that. My thoughts are filled with Alaric, and what might be happening to him in this moment.
“I don't think I am all right,” I say. “Alaric-”
“He did what he did to save you,” Rowan says. “I might not agree with him on much butthat's impressive. I just wish it hadn't ended like this for him.”
I shake my head. I don't want to believe that it is ended. There must be some way to make this right, to get Alaric to freedom. Rowan puts his arms around me. It's a comforting gesture but once I would have taken it as much more. Maybe he's hoping that there will be more but there can't be, not now.
“Go to the healers,” I insist. “I’ll be fine. You don't have to watch me the same way now. Callus is gone.”
It should feel like a weight off my mind. I should feel… free, somehow. But how can I, when I'm still trapped here, and when the man I love is trapped in a cell somewhere? And I do love Alaric. That much is clear within me now. I need him, and I want him to be safe. But I'm not sure what I can do to make him safe now.
Rowan leaves, giving me a last look that lingers on me, as if considering whether he should turn back. He doesn't, though, and I'm grateful for that. I go to the one place where I might find some comfort tonight, heading for the beast pens.
I reach them, breathing in their scent, taking in that other invisible part of them where I am connected to all the creatures. I have missed this. Missed being able to go to the shadow cat, hold out my hand and know that it will come to me. It rubs against me, and I can feel its presence on a deep level that I had thought lostbeneath the constraints of the dampener.
Stefano is there. “It's good to see you here. I'm sorry I wasn't here when you were attacked.”
“I'm… glad you weren’t,” I say. I can't imagine that Stefano would have held up Callus for long. The hunter would have killed the middle-aged master of beastsif that was what it took to get to me. He could have hidden Stefano’s body and the beast pens as easily as mine, leaving it to be devoured.
I wish that Alaric had thought to do that with Callus, even if it meant a risk to me. At least that way, there was a chance that he could have gotten away with killing him. Whereas now…
Tears start to fall down my cheeks again, and the only comfort I have is the presence of the shadow cat. I cling to it, while it purrs against me, offering me its warmth and its affection in a way that no such big cat should be able to. Stefano is there too, putting a hand on my shoulderas if not sure of the best way to make me feel better.
“It's a pity about Alaric,” he says. “For all that he was an arrogant noble, he wasn't so bad.”
That only makes things worse because Stefano is talking about Alaric as if he is already dead. As if there is no chance for him. I cannot believe that there is no way to help him no way to save him. There must be something I can do, or Lady Elara can do, or someone.
I can hear the sounds of the celebrations in the rest of the fortressas I crouch there in the beast pen. I'm not sure how long I stay there. Long enough that my tears dry out at least, and my pain turns to something tight and numb within my heart rather than a ragged blade dragging across it.
I'm still there when the guards and the trainers come for me.
“There you are,” one of the trainers says. “Do you know how long we've been looking for you?”
I don't care right now. I have done everything they want of me. I have fought, I have killed. What more can they require?
“Get up from there,” the trainer insists. “Your new patron is here.”
“My new patron?” I say, barely able to believe it. “Already?”
Fear fills me at the thought because the emperor has told me that there is no chance it will be Lady Elara. I had thought I would have a few days at least before I had to deal with whatever new patronhas been able to afford to sponsor me here. Instead, it seems they have moved quickly.
Does it mean that the emperor has picked someone out? Or does it mean that someonewants to be my patron that desperately?
“Up!” the trainer says, reminding me that I have no choice in this regardless of what I think or who it is.
I rise from my spotnext to the shadow cat, following along behind the trainer, with the guards flanking meas we make our way up through the levels of the fortress. We head to a roomthat I know well because it is the bare, stonewalled room in which Lady Elara used to meet with me.
For the briefest of moments, I dare to believe that it might be her after all, but when I go inside the figure sitting on a couch there is not Lady Elara. Instead, there is a woman in herlate forties, with shoulder lengthdark hair graying in streaks and angular featureswhich seem to drawmy gaze to her dark eyes. She wears a red dress, slit high at the side to show off her toned figure, along with plenty of golden bangles and jeweled slippers.
There is something familiar about her even though I have not seen her before, a resemblance that it takes me a moment or two to place.
“There, I think,” she says, in a tone like silk, gesturing to a spot on the floor where an iron ring is set.
The guards take my wrists and tie them to the ring, forcing me to kneel there the way I might have done for the emperor. Is this my new patron's way of establishing her position over me? Or is it something worse? There are nobles who want to bed gladiators. Is my new patron one who thinks she is entitled to do so? Has she heard the rumors about me and Lady Elara and decided that she will take her turn with me? That is a fear I do not want to think about, but I can't stop myself.
What does she want of me here? And why is she so familiar looking?
“Thank you,” she says to the guards. They do as she says without question. There is something about the mechanical way they do it that is also familiar. It is the kind of thing someone with power over the mind might achieve.
Now I know why she is familiar. I have seen features similar to hers before. The features of someone I thought was a friend. The features of someone I eventually killed. She waits until the guards are gone before she says anything, her dark eyes staring into mine.
“Good now they’re gone I can introduce myself. I am Lady Emin. Ravenna was my daughter.”