Page 84 of Invisible String (The Underground #1)

You brighten up our world. When your dad and I were thinking of names for you, his first thought was Sol.

We were so happy to finally get pregnant, and you changed us.

You gave us laughter and happiness and lit up our lives every day.

Te amo, Sol. You’re the light that keeps giving.

Never lose it. If you’re reading this, it’s because I didn’t make it and asked your grandma to give it to you.

Sol, I’m so sorry. You lost your father, and then me.

I know you’ll wonder why your grandma can’t have you live with her.

She’s having a hard time with her sickness.

Sol, remember I love you. Keep dancing

to hold that smile and laughter. You’re going to grow up to be a beautiful woman. I’ll always watch over you and so will your dad. I will miss you dearly.

Te amo. I love you so much,

Mom

Max lifts me into his arms as tears stream down my face, and the pain cuts deeper. A whirlwind of emotions churns inside me, leaving me burdened and unsure. Part of me understands it’s not my fault, yet the inability to recall them gnaws at me, leaving a hollow ache.

Although I’m Sol, I’m not. Who is Sol? I don’t know.

I lived my life as Rainey. Rainey, who was told, is Scottish by my father.

Let me correct myself. My adopted father.

He also said the name Rainey means queen.

Rain means freshness and renewal. I get it now, a fresh start and a renewal of my identity.

The man holding me in his arms loves me.

The boy I asked to kiss me, not once, but several times.

The boy who was my first boyfriend, and I don’t remember—my handsome man, who’s had to keep so much buried.

The pain must have cut deep for me not to remember any of it. The pain we shared is one-sided.

“Want some water?” he mouths as he kisses my forehead.

“No, thanks. I’m just overwhelmed to see photos of myself and my parents after so many years of not knowing they even existed.”

“I know. It’s overwhelming. How about I put a movie on, and we can cuddle until you fall asleep?”

“I’d like that.”

Max gently undoes the comforter, lifting it with a soft rustle. I climb into bed, feeling the inviting warmth envelop me. His wide arms open like a protective cocoon, ready for me to curl into, offering a comforting embrace.

We lay like this for an hour. Me in his arms, watching a movie. I’m unsure what it is about. It’s done nothing to distract my overwhelmed mind.

“Max.” I sit up. “What if I can never give you peace?”

His brows scrunch up. “Rainey.”

“No, Max. I’ll never be able to give you peace. They were wrong. I’m your trigger. You’ll always look at me and remember how we met, how you lived throughout those years. With any other woman, you can look into their eyes and forget it all. Not with me?—”

Max cups my face, sitting up. “You are my peace. You calm me in ways no one can. You are the light in my heart. Those memories we have, I treasure, baby. They weren’t in good circumstances, but they are memories I lived for.”

“I’m not Sol. Your Sol.” My lip trembles.

“You are?—”

I wave my hand up. “No, Max. I’m not her. She obviously died that day. I know nothing about her. I can’t be Sol for you. Hell, I’m Rainey fucking Collins. That was a lie too with fake pictures. So, no Max, I can’t be Sol, the girl you loved.”

“I love you.”

“You love Sol,” I shout louder than intended.

Max’s jaw clenches. “You are both, Rainey. Same damn heart, same damn soul. You might not remember who Sol is, but I do. I’m the only one who does.

Your laugh, your smile, your sassiness, your straightforwardness, your love to dance.

You love dogs, and you bite your lip when you’re nervous.

You also do it when you want me to kiss you, and now that we’re adults, you do it when you’re turned on.

You like to sleep on my chest because you feel safe.

You’ve called me Maxi,” his voice goes low, “Rainey does all the things Sol does. I might not completely understand how you feel, but I know you. You’re uncomfortable with being in your own skin right now.

You’re confused, hurt, and scared. Also, you’ve grown into a beautiful woman.

You have different likes and interests now than when you were an eleven-year-old girl.

That’s normal.” His soft lips brush mine.

“I love you. If you changed your name to Wilma, I’d still love you. ”

A small giggle leaves my lips. “Wilma?”

“Just saying. I love you. Tell me who in the fuck meets so many times in their life time? Tell me, how did I end up from Vegas to Carson City, in a stuck-up high school academy, and see my girl after so long, then seven years later at a cabin?”

“Then you left me,” I add. “I understand why you did. But I wish you hadn’t.”

“You wouldn’t have believed me then. I had no proof. Your dad and mom would have done everything to make you think I lied.”

I know it’s true. My dad didn’t want me to know according to the conversation I overheard. That’s something I will have to discuss with him.

“Then you found me,” I whisper.

“Maybe we should send that cock sucker Andrew a bouquet of black roses for taking you to the Underground. He thought it would push you away.”

It seems like yesterday, and here we are.

“I hate him.”

“Ditto, baby.” He pats his lap. “Come here. I need you close.”

“I am. I’m next to you.”

He cocks his head, and one brow rises like: “you know what I mean.”

“Sit, corazón .”

No need to ask me twice. I’m always willing to sit anywhere on his body. The tip of his nose swipes the curve of my neck as he hums.

“Fourteen years. That’s how long I’ve known you—years of back and forth.

I’m done with that shit. I choose you as my woman .

You’re all I’ve ever wanted. Don’t ever try to push me away, not now, not ever.

” He sets every crazy strand of hair in place.

“Like I said, we’ll get through the storm.

I know you’re going to hurt for a while, and your head is not right, but you will get there.

I hate to see you like this. I’ll be honest, there’s a part of me that feels guilty for pushing to tell you.

There is no way I could put a ring on your finger and start a life with you when I’m holding a secret.

It’s fucked up. I would never do that to you. Especially when it’s about you.”

My hands always move like they have a mind of their own.

Guilt is not something I want him to feel.

It’s me who should carry the weight he’s done for years.

“Max, don’t regret telling me. I needed to know.

I’m twenty-five. I think they kept it from me because they never intended for me to know.

If they decided to make fake photos, then I’m sure their plan was for me to never find out.

” I’m pretty sure one reason they kept it from me was because of Max.

My father always felt he was below us. “It’s hard for me, but I’m glad you told me, regardless of what I’m feeling. ”

Goosebumps form on his chest as the brush of my hand roams over his chest. Max means well, and I love him for trying to help me feel better.

No one understands the betrayal of lies my parents kept from me or the grief of losing a life I want to remember.

There are so many emotions I’m battling with.

I want to know who the little girl Sol was.

Is she like me, like how Max says she was?

If my adoptive parents loved me enough, they would have told me.

They loved me, but I have a feeling it’s not like how my birth parents loved me.

And that’s a hard fucking pill to swallow.

“I’m here, baby, for you, for anything you want to talk about.”

I nod. I know he is, but it’s something I need to figure out on my own. He’s been through a lot, and the last thing he needs to deal with is my fucked-up shit. I don’t want to be his trigger.

The only thing I need right now is to feel the warmth of his body underneath me.

He was gone for two weeks. I missed him like crazy.

The flat part of my tongue glides over every part of his neck.

I suck, leaving my mark. He doesn’t stop me.

If anything, he loves it. Strong hands grip my butt.

Have I mentioned how much I relish his hands all over me?

Max’s head falls back, allowing more access.

The bob of his Adam’s apple is so sexy when he swallows—that’s where I suck.

Sweatpants on Max should be a sin, especially when his bulge is close to ripping the material.

Desperate to touch him, I slip my hands into his pants and pull it out. Thick and hard.

“Rainey,” he moans.

“Don’t call me that right now.” Rainey feels like a fake name. They changed my name but kept my birthday. At least that’s real.

“ Mi amor , you need to rest. We can do this when you’re feeling a little better.”

Fluid leaks from him, and I use it to lubricate him. He wants me just as much as I want him. Our bodies never refuse one another. “Are you rejecting me, denying what I want?”

“Never, baby. Take what you want. I’m yours.”

“I need you right now. How bad do you want me?”

“So fucking bad.” He undresses me with his eyes.

Always giving me bedroom eyes. “If it’s what you need, then I’ll kiss the pain away, nice and slow, so you can feel how much you mean to me, how much I love you.

I’ll do it forever, even when you’re whole again, because I’m not going anywhere, baby. I’m here for you.”

This man takes my breath away. He might be a grumpy guy at times, but there’s softness in him that few will see.

Eagerly, I take off my pajama top, revealing my swollen breasts.

His green eyes eat them up. Moans vibrate from our chests as I stroke him, and he sucks on my sensitive nipples.

“Would you find me in a crowded room?” I ask.