Page 34 of Into the Dark, We Go

Regardless of his whereabouts, a two-year absence was a long time for feelings to last.

Nick was quiet, waiting for me to continue, but I didn’t say anything else. The truth was, when Lucas vanished, a part of me disappeared, too.

11

Chapter Eleven

November, 2018

Lucas had been missingfor over a month. I tried calling him every day, sending messages like, "Where are you?"—"Lucas, please, answer me!"—"Lucas, the police are looking for you!"

But not a single response came back. The texts weren’t even marked as delivered.

The longer he was gone, the harder it got. Every day, I stared at his name in my contacts, my heart racing, willing myself to press the call button.

What if he answered? What would I even say?

I stood outside the University of Minnesota’s main building, too restless with anxiety to sit on the cold stone benches. Students bustled to and fro, hurrying from class to class. I felt like everyone was staring at me. I had ditched track practice for the first time ever, and was now waiting for my soon-to-be-ex-best-friend, Sarah, my mind racing with thoughts of the podcast episode I’d heard earlier. Some crappy local true crime show that somehow had actual listeners.

"The Vanishing" was the title of the episode. The specificity of the content left me reeling; the fights that I had only shared with my closest friend over tears and stuffed animals. The hosts quoted things I’d thrown out in rage, like "I hate him" and "I’m so done with him," and even quoted intimate texts. They claimed Lucas had been cheating on me, which I was already aware of, but no one else knew about my fights with him in such detail. Only Sarah.

She snaked out into the brisk fall air, tugging her collar up over her mouth like it could hold her tongue. With her was another girl, someone I didn’t know but had seen around, with long black hair twisted into a messy bun. They were talking and laughing, distracted, like they didn’t have a care in the world. It made my blood boil.

"Hey!" My voice was thick with venom as I strode toward her. I hadn’t planned what to say, hoping my gut was wrong and this was all a big misunderstanding. Her deer-eyes told me it wasn’t.

"What the fuck, Sarah?"

Sarah jumped, hand flying to her chest. "Nell, jeez, you scared the daylight out of me. What’s wrong?"

I was rattled by her feigned innocence. Every movement, every gesture, every blink seemed insincere.Faker. Liar.

"What did you tell people about me and Lucas?"

"What are you talking about? I didn’t tell anybody anything!"

"You’re a fucking liar!" If people hadn’t been staring before, they were now.

Her friend took a small step back, eyeing me with exaggerated concern as if I were holding a bloodied knife. She gently tugged at Sarah’s elbow in a silentlet’s gogesture.

Sarah folded her arms. "You need to calm down."

"You need to stop telling people lies about me!" The finger I pointed at her could have pierced the ether.

"You’re a fucking nutcase, and you need to back away from me!" Sarah spat.

Before I knew it, my fist connected with her face. I’d always been a good runner, but apparently, I also had a pretty powerful right hook. And, as it turned out, low impulse control.

Sarah stumbled back, clutching her bloody nose. I winced when she landed on her butt with a panicked wail. People began to gather around, drawn in by the commotion.

"Sarah, I’m so sorry!" I offered a hand to help her up, but she shoved me away.

"Don’t touch me! Everything they say about you is true."

September, 2020

This partof town seemed neglected, with houses that were little more than weathered trailers pressed like corpses into tiny graves.

Duane’s house, a dingy green structure that sagged on one side, stood at the end of the street, alongside a similarly rundown piss-yellow house with a tarp-covered roof. The address was spray-painted onto a scrap of drywall leaning against the flimsy fence.