Page 33 of Intentional Foul (The Complexity of Love #2)

Chapter Fifteen

Family Fractures

Jhae

“ B aby, you need to see somebody about this. From what I researched, panic attacks don’t just go away. We need to find the source of the problem,” Malcolm said as he held me in his arms.

By the time we left Vine, I was drenched in sweat and found myself in a state of dizziness. The driver tried to assist me, but I couldn’t focus with everything being blurry. He called the last person I talked to, which was Tyrus.

I rested against Malcolm’s chest and listened to the sound of his heartbeat. Its rhythm reminded me of a beat Moe sent over.

“Can we not talk about it? I want to rest,” I whispered.

The chances of Malcolm not wanting to explore the root of this wasn’t going to happen. He was damn near manic once he entered the front door.

“You know the season is getting ready to start. We need to know what the hell triggered your panic attack,” he said.

We didn’t need to go to the doctor to figure that out. It was Anissa, she isn’t going to accept us as a couple. I’ve betrayed her trust, and no one was good enough for her boys.

“What happened between you and Mom,” he pushed, and I remained quiet.

“Jhae, I need you to talk to me,” he said, and I bawled in tears against his shirt.

As I wailed, my chest jerked up and down. “She isn’t going to accept us, Malcolm, she isn’t. She asked me to be Khaira’s god mom,” I struggled to finish my sentence and dizziness reintroduced itself to me.

“Jhae, I’m going to trigger a panic attack and we’re going to work through it,” she said, and I squeezed Malcolm’s hand.

I passed out in Malcolm’s arms two weeks ago.

He tried rushing me to the hospital, but I refused to go.

A private doctor came by and checked me out.

He prescribed anxiety medication and scheduled a follow up appointment.

As soon as the sunlight hit, he had scheduled my appointment with Dr. June.

We quickly confirmed my fear of Anissa’s reaction triggered my panic attacks.

I can’t respond to her text messages without shaking.

Malcolm was anxious about the season opener approaching and leaving me home to fend for myself.

Dr. June peered over at Malcolm, and he called his mother on speaker.

“Hey Mom,” he said as I tensed and clenched my fist. “Where is everybody,” he asked.

“The real question is where have you, Marquise, and Jhae been. No one is responding to my texts,” Anissa said.

The soft but commanding tone of her voice accelerated my heart. I focused on Dr. June as she mouthed the words.

“Training camp and Jhae’s working on the album,” he said.

“I’m glad you said something. I was getting ready to drop by Jhae’s condo,” she said and then I lost control.

The pattern of my breathing increased, and a drumming sound went off in my ears. I darted my eyes around the room, but I couldn’t focus. Sweat formed as I struggled to breathe. Blinking, Dr. June appeared in my direct vision and talked me down into a calm state.

“I can’t leave her. I’m talking to the coach about a leave of absence,” Malcolm said, and I shook my head no.

“Malcolm, we have a month. I can do it.”

“Fuck, this is all my fault. I did this shit all wrong,” he said as he paced from the couch to the chaise.

Guilt surrounded me as I watched him unravel. I knew if he didn’t show up, Anissa would inquire as to why. Nothing good could come from it. Dr. June was able to calm us down.

“As a unit, this is a test but I’m confident you both can pass. I’m asking you not to do anything drastic, Malcolm, as in apply for leave or distancing yourself from your mother,” Dr. June said, and I squeezed his hand.

One Month Later

“Baby, I’m not comfortable leaving you but I’m going to give this a try,” Malcolm said.

For the past month, we had been preparing for his road trip and getting my panic attacks under control. I’m now able to text Anissa without my hand shaking but calling her is still a no. Malcolm pecked my lips several times as I witnessed the uncertainty in his eyes.

“Trust me, Malcolm, I’m going to be in the studio and the bed until you get back,” I said.

He kissed me before releasing me. Marquise glared at me, and I waved him over to me.

“Jhae, you call us if you need anything. I got the security guard looking out for you too,” Marquise said, and I smiled.

Since the panic attacks started, he’d been on my ass about my health. If I expressed any other emotion outside of happiness, he needed answers.

“I need a health report everyday I’m gone,” he said, and I smiled.

“Okay, but you better dunk on anybody under the rim the first chance you get,” I said, and he nodded.

I waved them away, locking the door behind them and headed to the studio. Using a video chat feature, I conducted my first interview. Erin appeared on the screen and we both smiled.

“Hi, Erin, it’s nice to see you. I would love to chat, but I need to get down to business,” I said.

She lifted her pen to her tablet, alerting me she was ready to take notes.

“I’m going to be honest with you, this position will be constantly evolving. I need a right-hand man; someone I can trust. Jhae D Records is new and independent. The hours will be long, the work will be endless,” I said.

When Malcolm requested, I hire an assistant, I dismissed it. After the onset of the panic attacks, I reached out to Erin and a few others.

“Jhae, you’ve seen my work ethic. This isn’t a job to me, it’s my passion,” she said.

“Would you be willing to relocate? Housing will be provided as a bonus to your generous salary,” I said, and she smiled.

I sat in the studio with Tyrus and replayed the album. We shuffled songs, trying to finalize a track list. Over the past two weeks, Moe and I touched up the background vocals, sealing the deal.

“Jhae, Timeless Love will be a thing of the past. The soul greets you at the start of the beat. You and Moe together are unmatched,” Tyrus said, giving a playful shrug.

“But on to other things. I hired Erin, and she put her notice in with Midwest Records. She asked to finish the tour with KC before she transitioned to L.A. It will be after the All-Star game before she is on board. I’d preferred an earlier date, but I understood her reasoning,” I said.

Malcolm had been on my case about taking my label more seriously. He had valid points—the label would either soar or fall based on my effort.

“We need to move forward with some artist development for Icey. I’ll spend the holidays down south,” Tyrus said.

Malcolm was mid-season, and things were working out perfectly. I’m grateful for the studio being down the hall. I’ve settled into being a hermit.

“That works, I have a few projects to do. I’ll take this time and finish up some features, shore up some brand deals and Moe wants me to help with this soundtrack. The entire album is being placed in his lap. He wants me to write for a few artists,” I informed Tyrus.

He nodded his head in approval.

“Clean the deck, Jhae. After the new year, the focus is on your album, finding a distribution deal, and picking a single. I’m excited about this project,” Tyrus said.

“This is my most complex body of work. Each track is a letter to someone close to me, but I’m still struggling with an album name,” I admitted.

Tyrus and I embraced before he left. With him being gone, I could focus on getting ready for the game.

Tonight, L.A. had a home game. They needed to win this one to qualify for the mid- season championship game and it’s Tell Day .

We were telling the world, including Anissa.

I confirmed to my husband I could handle seeing Anissa from across the court. The most she would do was text me.

Malcolm came home in the wee hours of the morning, and we had what he called courage sex. I knew without a doubt he had no energy for practice this morning, but the video calls weren’t cutting it.

I removed my vibrating phone from my pocket, and I rolled my eyes to the ceiling seeing the message.

Hubby

Remember the plan?

Hubby

Stop rolling your eyes.

I giggled at this text.

Me

Yes, sit with the wives and girlfriends, mingle, wear my ring.

Hubby

And.

Me

Have your pussy ready when you get off the court.

Hubby

I need round two.

Me

I got another round in me.

I closed my messages with an uneasy chuckle.

For once in my life, I was on time somewhere, and it churned my damn stomach. I followed the security guards to level two, ready to live my truth.

“Jhae,” I faintly heard my name, but kept walking.

Before I could exit the ramp to the seats, the attendant paused and pointed behind me. I turned to see Anissa and Kal. The air restricted my chest the more she waved me over.

“Ma’am, you’re blocking the entrance,” the attendant said, and I stepped to the side.

I placed one hand on the wall as the room continued to spin. Jhae, you are in control, I repeated to myself several times before a hand touched my shoulder.

“Jhae, are you okay? You’re sweating,” Khalil asked.

“I need a minute,” I stammered.

It took me a few seconds to focus and perform a breathing exercise.

“Jhae, I’m calling for help,” Khalil said but I paused him with my hand.

“No, I need a minute,” I managed to get out between breaths.

Closing my eyes, I thought back to sitting in Dr. June’s office. She’d triggered a few panic attacks and walked me through them while Malcolm had been on the road.

I searched my purse for a napkin to pat my sweat.

“Jhae, are you having a panic attack?” Khalil asked, and my eyes traveled to Anissa.

Ivey now stood next to her, holding Khaira in her arms.

“We were trying to get your attention. Anissa said you were going to the wives and girlfriends section.”

My eyes danced over to his and we read each other’s body language without saying a word. He caught on to my ring finger and my diamond incrusted beam note necklace.

“Your Music Note,” he asked, and I confirmed with a head shake.

I waited for the judgement to cover his features, but his eyes or mouth never shifted.