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It was over, thank fuck.

Tess went to the bar. She needed a drink with a proof. While she was waiting to get served, she took a look at the sheet with the names on it. She took the attached pencil and ticked no on every single woman she’d spent three minutes with. In all honesty, she was certain her box was not getting ticked either, so to speak.

‘I need a drink,’ Zara said, appearing next to her.

Tess turned to her. ‘Beer OK?’

Zara smiled. ‘Yeah.’

Tess waved at the bartender. ‘Two beers?’

He fetched the drinks.

‘You look like I feel,’ Tess told Zara.

Tess was working hard to not be as weird as she felt in this situation. It was strange seeing Zara out of a work context. Like seeing your grandma at a rave. Tess couldn’t quite match her up with the pristine woman who always had an answer. She looked so oddly human; it was rather unnerving. But she had an answer for everything, except romance, it seemed. Who but a loser would be here? She counted herself in that group.

Tess took another sip of her beer, watching as Zara let out a slow, exasperated breath, setting her glass down with more force than necessary.

‘So,’ Tess said, leaning on the bar, ‘anyone stand out to you?’

Zara gave her a sideways glance. ‘If by “stand out,”

you mean left me wondering how they manage to function in society, then yes. Quite a few.’

Tess snorted. ‘Let me guess—did you get the one who spent the entire three minutes talking about her spiritual connection with her parakeet?’

Zara groaned, rubbing her temples. ‘Oh my God, yes. She even showed me pictures. Like, ten of them. It’s a bird. It looks the same from just about every angle.’

Tess laughed, the sound coming easier than she expected. ‘OK, but what about the conspiracy theorist? The one who said the moon landing was faked and that we’ve never actually seen the real moon?’

Zara’s eyes widened. ‘Did she explain how all the celestial bodies were government holograms? Like, the entire universe is a fake projection to control us. I asked her how the tides worked if the moon was a hologram, and she told me that’s classified information.’

Tess couldn’t stop herself from grinning now. She hadn’t expected the night to be anything but painful, but here she was, standing next to Zara, kind of enjoying herself.

They fell into another quiet moment, but this time, the silence felt more comfortable, more familiar. Maybe it was the shared trauma of the bizarre speed dates, or maybe they were both just too exhausted to keep up their usual defences. Either way, Tess felt less inclined to bolt for the door.

She glanced at Zara, studying her face. ‘You didn’t tick any “yes”

boxes, did you?’

Zara shook her head, laughing softly. ‘Nope. Not a single one. You?’

Tess paused, then shrugged. ‘No. Hope you don’t mind.’

‘I wasn’t counting me,’ Zara said quickly. ‘I mean, that’s clearly…’

‘Yeah, obviously,’ Tess said quickly. ‘But if I had to pick someone—like I had to, or they’d kill a puppy in front of me—and it was in another universe where I don’t know you… I might have considered ticking you?’

‘And how did I earn that incredibly conditional honour?’ Zara asked wryly.

‘You were the only one who didn’t seem…’

‘What?’

‘Mad as a box of frogs,’ Tess finished.

‘That’s the best compliment you’ve ever paid me.’ Zara paused. ‘Actually, it’s the only compliment you’ve ever paid me.’

Tess laughed softly.

‘Oh, and ditto, of course,’ Zara said.

‘Oh? I’m the cream of this crop?’ Tess asked with a half-smile.

‘Least strange, yes.’

‘Least strange,’ Tess repeated. ‘Well, I can tell Fi that. Might keep her from telling me I didn’t try hard enough.’

‘Alone is better than this,’ Zara said. ‘And you may quote me on that.’

‘I may well do that,’ Tess said. Though she thought she wouldn’t mention Zara’s presence. It might give Fi ideas. Tess didn’t like it when Fi got ideas.

‘Why the push, anyway?’ Tess asked. ‘Anderson worried you’ll die alone, and rats will eat your face?’

‘Those weren’t his exact words…’

‘They were Fi’s words. Verbatim. She said I couldn’t expect her to find the body. I needed a partner there to physically watch me expire.’

‘Is that really all there is to relationships? Someone to fend off hungry rodents from your carcass?’ Zara asked.

‘I think it’s way more likely that I’d melt into a chair over a few weeks, anyway,’ Tess mused.

‘I think that sounds OK. Kind of peaceful,’ Zara said.

‘Right?’ Tess said, laughing. Zara laughed with her.

So now they were laughing together. In a night of weirdness, this had it all beat. Was Zara actually a person, after all?