Page 13

13

Alina

The boutique is bright and luxurious, the smell of fresh linen and lavender drifting through the air as Yelena sifts through the rows of tiny onesies and baby blankets. Soft classical music hums in the background, the sound almost too delicate for how I feel inside.

I am currently visiting Yelena in Philly because I almost went mad staying in my room in New York after what happened there.

Yelena holds up a pale blue onesie with silver stars. Her face is glowing, her dark eyes soft with that maternal warmth I’ve never seen before.

“Isn’t this perfect?” Yelena says, her voice light.

I smile faintly. “It’s cute.”

She holds it to her chest, grinning. “It’s more than cute—it’s perfect.”

I nod and try to mirror her enthusiasm, but my smile feels thin. My hands skim over the folded cashmere blankets stacked neatly on the display table. I try to focus on the soft texture beneath my fingers, but my mind keeps drifting.

To Lev.

He’s always there, hovering beneath the surface of my thoughts like a persistent ache that never fades. Seven years, and I still can’t shake him.

Yelena moves toward the back of the store, humming under her breath as she sifts through racks of tiny sweaters and knit caps. I linger behind, pretending to examine a set of lace-trimmed blankets.

I see Yelena glance toward me out of the corner of my eye. Her brows pull together in that way they always do when she senses something is off.

“You’ve been quiet,” Yelena says.

“I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

I force a smile. “Just tired.”

Yelena watches me for a moment longer, then shrugs and goes back to examining the racks.

I exhale slowly, my gaze drifting toward the window. Outside, the street is quiet beneath the gray November sky. The world feels muted and stagnant, like I’m standing still while everything else keeps moving.

Yelena holds up another onesie, this one embroidered with little white sheep. “Should I get this one?”

“It’s cute.”

“You already said that.”

I press my lips together, realizing I’ve barely registered what she’s showing me.

Yelena tilts her head, studying me. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m fine,” I repeat.

Yelena narrows her eyes, but thankfully, she lets it go, and by the time we leave the boutique, we’re carrying three bags stuffed with baby things. We head back to her house; the bags rustling softly between us as we walk.

She chatters endlessly about the baby, her husband, and the nursery plans, but my responses are mechanical and short.

I hate feeling like this. I hate that Lev still has this much control over me, and I hate that I know nothing will ever change. I came to Philly to get him out of my mind, but my heart refuses to let go.

We’re finally home and putting things away. Yelena kneels beside an open box, pulling out stacks of onesies and neatly folding them into the dresser. The room is soft and warm, pale sunlight filtering through the floor-to-ceiling windows.

I sit on the floor by the window, my knees pulled up to my chest. My hands clench and unclench, restless energy making my skin crawl.

Yelena glances at me over her shoulder. “Are you going to help, or just sit there looking miserable?”

I manage a thin smile and pick up a tiny set of shoes. Yelena’s gaze sharpens, and she sets down the onesie and sits back on her heels.

“Okay,” she says slowly. “What’s going on?”

“Nothing.”

Yelena’s eyes narrow. “Alina.”

I glance away. “It’s nothing.”

Yelena scoffs. “You’ve been moody all day. Don’t lie to me.”

I press my forehead against my knees and sigh. My throat feels tight.

“I’m not lying,” I say softly.

Yelena stands and crosses the room. She kneels down in front of me, her eyes filled with understanding, and rests a hand on my arm, a silent reassurance that she's here for me.

“You can tell me,” she says quietly.

My heart constricts, and my eyes begin to burn. I try to hold back my tears, but my control slips. My voice breaks.

“I’m still in love with him.”

Yelena’s brows pull together. “Lev?”

I nod, tears sliding down my cheeks. My chest shudders painfully as the weight of the truth presses down on me.

“I never stopped,” I whisper. “Seven years, and he’s never looked at me the way I look at him. I’ve waited for him to notice me—to see me as more than Viktor’s sister—but he never does.”

Yelena’s hand tightens on my arm.

“I thought… I thought if I just stayed close, if I was patient, he’d eventually stop seeing me as a kid.” My breath catches painfully. “But he hasn’t.”

Yelena’s expression softens as she pulls me into a hug, pressing my face against her shoulder.

“Oh, Alina,” she whispers. “I’m so sorry.”

“I feel pathetic.”

“You’re not pathetic.”

Tears roll down my eyes. “Then why does it feel like I am?”

Yelena strokes my hair, her voice low and steady. “Because you’ve been holding onto something you can’t control.”

I pull back, wiping at my eyes. “If he wanted me, he would have made a move by now.”

Yelena hesitates. “Maybe he’s holding back because of Viktor.”

“Maybe.” My throat tightens. “Or maybe he just doesn’t want me.”

Yelena’s lips press together. “He’s an idiot if he doesn’t.”

A faint laugh escapes me, but it’s bitter.

I sit back, pressing the heels of my hands against my eyes. “I can’t keep doing this, Yelena. I can’t keep waiting for him to notice me.”

Yelena watches me carefully. “So, what are you going to do?”

I lift my chin, my gaze sharpening.

“I’m done,” I declare, my voice steady and resolute. “I’m done waiting for him. It's time for me to take control of my own life.”

That night, I lie awake in Yelena’s guest room.

Moonlight filters through the sheer curtains, casting soft silver shadows across the white sheets.

I stare at the ceiling, my heart a slow, heavy thud beneath my ribs. I came here to get away from everything that reminds me of him. To have the space to think clearly about the choices I have made in life.

My choices for the past seven years. Years of waiting for Lev to see me. To want me. Years of wasted hope. I close my eyes and take a steady breath—no more.

Tomorrow, I’ll go back to New York.

And when I do—

I’m done chasing after Lev.