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FLUMPH

The Veil

My skin prickin’ like a son o’ a bitch when I sleepin’. Everythin’ begin to spin around, like when that fuckin’ dragon show up an’ starts burnin’ shit. It were real scary. One minute, I helpin’ the shadow dick fight the Unseelie jerks, an’ then the fightin’ turn real crazy. Harpies—big fuckers with pretty faces an’ ugly-ass wingses—just swoop down an’ picks up soldiers like they don’t weigh nothin’ at all! It scare the shit outta me an’ I was screamin’! I ain’t afraid to says it.

There be some things in life us sprites ain’t ‘pose to see. An’ a giant dragon be one o’ them.

I thought my heart was gonna fall outta my anus-hole when the ground were shakin’ an’ rumblin’ all scary-like. The growlin’ an’ breathin’ fire weren’t no fun, neither. Then the lightnin’! HOLY FUCK! Since when do them big lizards do that, huh? I ain’t never seens it before. Then again, I ain’t never really seen a dragon before, either, so I don’t really knows exactly what they like. But breathin’ fire an’ lightnin’ ain’t fair. ‘Specially when I were already injured. There I was with my body all hurtin’, an’ then suddenly I was over by the window, watchin’ all hell break loose in The Veil.

Ain’t nothin’ scarier than a fuckin’ dragon, and that’s that! I’ll never sleeps agin without that big ‘ol thing poppin’ into my brain all creepy-like. If not for Noni, I don’t ‘pose I’d be here. She a good one. She don’t piss me off as much as she used ta. Now, we sorta friends an’ I ain’t all that uncomfortable with it no more. Not when she save me every times I get my ass blown off or skewered onto somethin’ sharp an’ pointy. I owe her a hug or somethin’, but that it. I ain’t all lovey-dovey.

But there been a real naggin’ thing in my brain that won’t go away. I gotta talks to Pretty soon as possible. She the only one who wantin’ to figure out what goin’ on with the elf. If it was my choice—which I knows it ain’t—he’d be sinkin’ to the bottoms of some ocean with rocks tied to him’s foots. Fuck him an’ his perfect fuckin’ hair. Unseelie an’ Seelie can both suck a greasy dick!

My little feets carry me over to wheres Pretty sleepin’. I tap her cheek, but she don’t wakes up. She havin’ one o’ them dreams again. I go back to bed an’ let her sleep more. But in the mornin’, we already packin’ up an’ movin’ out like I ain’t in needs o’ some beauty rest after all this shit. I overwhelmed by all the fightin’ an’ dyin’ an’ betrayin’. These giants gonna be the deaths o’ me, I swear it. An’ when I do finally die, I don’t wants no necromancer bringin’ my sexy bones back to life.

When the group leavin’ the forest, I hear them fuckin’ harpies again an’ nearly fall offa the Shadow King’s shoulder. He glare at me all pissy-like, so I goes to climb up Pretty so we can talks ‘bout stuff. Real important stuffs.

“Don’t looks at me or let ‘em know we talkin’,” I whisper, real quiet, in her ear. She just nod her head an’ get to listenin’ real good. “So, the Mother Heifer was doin’ that creepy shit when she leave her body again. An’ when she don’t thinks I listenin’, I really really listenin’, you know?”

She nod again.

“Well, she say somethin’ ‘bout her lover, Abbey, not so long after she babblin’ ‘bout a great dark power or somethin’ like that,” I say. “Now, I thinkin’ they one an’ the same, you know? She been talkin’ ‘bout inefebles power an’ whatsnot for a long time now. Then she escapin’ not too long after. Coincidences? I don’t thunk so.”

Pretty lookin’ real confused, so I tell her all the stuffs I hears the Mother Heifer say. She look like she ate somethin’ real bitter an’ that mean she thinkin’, soze I leaves her to it an’ flys over to Assface. The enormous Satyr cast a shadow on the Ashland ground bigger an’ wider than the fuckin’ mountain we gettin’ closer to. He swattin’ at me likes I some sorta fly or somethin’.

“Hey, you mean what you say when you say you wantin’ to library them fae like me?” I ask him.

“Liberate,” he grate through him’s teeth. “And, yeah, I meant what I said. Worry not, pest. I’ll free the faeries and make sure Variant and every sort like him are dead and gone soon enough.”

Them words makin’ me happy, so I flys by the satyr for a while longer, but when we gets to the fuckin’ mountain, I gotta rest my wings. Shadow King still lettin’ me sits on him from time to time, an’ that make me even happier.

Then he go ahead an’ make me gag real hard-like when he say, “Thank you for fighting beside me in the cottage, Flumph.” Shadow Dick go all quiet then, makin’ me real awkward, an’ I don’t know whats to say so I just say somethin’ real random.

“How ‘bout them fuckin’ spirits possessin’ the soldiers?”

He snort an’ I knows he know what I doin’. I thinks it funny how we talks ‘bout them creatures like we ain’t similar to them. Heck, for all the Shadow King know, he might be from this place! Not much known ‘bout The Veil. Then he tell me what he reads in the library ‘bout him’s kind, lookin’ all sad. Guss he ain’t from here. Some witch did somethin’ to some rocks an’ he was born or some shit... I don’t know, I gave up listenin’ after a while. ‘Specially when we get to the Echoin’ Spire.

That thing is huge!! Bigger than even Masky—an’ that sayin’ somethin’, ‘cause he real big. I don’t likes the ones in the robes, though. They fuckin’ scary.