Page 33

CHAPTER

THIRTY

Paigelynn

The scent of coffee drifts into my room, pulling me from sleep. For a moment, it feels like any other morning. I sit up slowly, blinking against the light filtering through the curtains. Then panic grips me.

I’m not allowed coffee. I should already be up, kneeling on the hard floor, reciting my mantras. I should have started my reading. I should?—

I stop myself, my heart pounding. No. I’m not there anymore. I’m not under their control. The books, the mantras, the endless rules—they’re gone.

The Mother is dead.

I take a deep breath, pressing a hand to my chest. My heart is still racing, but it starts to calm. The weight of years of routines and expectations still sits heavy in my mind, but I remind myself again.

I’m free.

The sheets around me are soft and mussed, a tangle of fabric that smells faintly of Cam. I glance at the pillow beside me, the indent still there from where he slept. A small smile tugs at my lips.

He must have slipped out quietly, careful not to wake me.

That’s just like him.

I stretch, my muscles sore but alive. The quiet hum of safety surrounds me. For a moment, I let myself enjoy it.

And then I hear it—a bark. High-pitched and unmistakable.

My heart stutters, and I sit up straight, listening hard.

“Winnie?” I whisper, barely daring to hope. I throw off the blanket and grab my robe, tying it tightly as I rush toward the door. My feet barely touch the ground as I sprint down the hallway, my breath catching in my chest.

The bark comes again, closer this time.

It’s her.

It has to be her.

I skid to a stop at the top of the stairs, gripping the railing as I peer into the living room. And there she is.

Winnie.

My Winnie.

She’s standing in the middle of the room, her tiny body trembling with excitement, her ears perked up. She sees me, and her bark turns into a series of happy yips.

Her tail wags so fast it’s a blur.

“Winnie!” I cry, my voice breaking. I race down the stairs. She runs to meet me, her tiny paws skittering on the floor. When I scoop her up, she wriggles in my arms, licking my face with abandon. I bury my face in her soft fur, laughing and crying at the same time.

“You’re here,” I whisper, clutching her tightly. “You’re really here.”

A loud thump makes me look up. Butter, Cam’s golden retriever, bounds into the room, his tail wagging so hard it knocks into the coffee table. He spots me and Winnie, and his bark is deep and joyful.

Before I can react, he’s running toward me. He barrels into me, nearly knocking me over.

“Whoa, Butter!” Cam laughs, stepping into the room. He’s holding a coffee mug, his hair slightly tousled. His grin is wide as he watches the chaos unfold. “Easy, buddy.”

Butter’s tongue lolls out of his mouth as he pants happily, leaning his big body against me. Winnie lets out a tiny, sharp bark, telling Butter to back off.

I laugh through my tears, shifting Winnie in my arms so I can scratch behind Butter’s ears.

Cam sets his coffee down on the table and crouches beside us. “Looks like someone’s happy to see you,” he says, his voice warm.

I look at him, tears streaming down my face. “They’re here,” I whisper, my voice trembling. “Winnie and Butter... they’re alive. They're here.”

“They’re here,” he says, reaching out to rub Butter’s head. His hand brushes against mine, and I cling to it, squeezing hard.

Debbie steps into the room, leaning casually against the doorway with her arms crossed. “Lauren did a great job becoming a foster dog mom,” she says, her voice calm but tinged with pride. “Made sure they were safe. Figured you’d want them back.”

I look at the strange woman in the room, who is smiling at the dogs. "Thank you, Lauren," I venture.

She smiles at me. "You're welcome. And glad to see you safe. A lot of people worked really hard to find you."

"And save you," Debbie adds.

"And earn you," Cam whispers.

My chest tightens, and the tears come harder. I press my face into Winnie’s fur, my shoulders shaking. “Thank you,” I manage to say, my voice barely audible. “Thank you so much.”

Debbie shrugs, her expression softening. “It’s what we do,” she says. “Besides, I’m pretty sure Winnie’s been running the place wherever she was. She’s got a lot of attitude for something that small.”

"Just like her owner," Cam deadpans.

I laugh, but it quickly turns into a sob. The joy, the relief, it’s too much. Butter nudges my arm with his nose, his big eyes full of concern. Winnie squirms in my arms, licking my chin like she’s trying to comfort me.

And then the weight of everything crashes down on me all at once.

The years in the cult. The lies. The pain. The loss.

The people I couldn’t save. The people who died. The people who hurt me.

It all presses down on me, heavy and suffocating. I collapse, my knees hitting the floor. Winnie lets out a soft whimper, and Butter moves closer, his body warm against mine.

“Paigelynn,” Cam says, his voice full of concern. He kneels beside me, his arms wrapping around me. “Hey, it’s okay. I’ve got you.”

I bury my face in his chest, my tears soaking his shirt. “It’s not okay,” I sob, my voice muffled. “It’s never going to be okay.”

He holds me tighter, one hand cradling the back of my head. “You’re safe now,” he says, his voice steady. “You’re safe, and you’re not alone.”

“I don’t know how to do this,” I whisper. “I don’t know how to be... normal. How to live. How to let go of everything they did to me.”

Cam pulls back just enough to look at me, his hands cupping my face. His eyes are so full of emotion, so full of love, it makes my chest ache.

“You don’t have to figure it all out right now,” he says gently. “We’ll take it one day at a time. Together.”

I nod, even though the fear still lingers, sharp and heavy. “What if I can’t?” I whisper. “What if I never stop feeling like this?”

“You will,” he says, his voice firm. “It’s going to take time. You’ve already come so far.”

I shake my head, my tears falling harder. “People died because of me,” I say, my voice breaking. “So many people... and I couldn’t stop it. I couldn’t save them.”

“That’s not on you,” Cam says, his voice steady but full of emotion. “That’s on them. Angelina. Dominic. Niall. Rooney. All those monsters. Not you.”

“But I was part of it,” I say, my voice trembling. “I believed them. I followed their rules. I let them?—”

“Stop,” Cam says softly but firmly. “You didn’t let them. They controlled you. They lied to you. None of that was your fault.”

I want to believe him, but the guilt is so heavy, so overwhelming. “How do I let it go?” I whisper.

Cam pulls me close again. “You let me help you,” he says. “You let me remind you every single day how amazing you are. How strong you are. How much you deserve to live the life you want.”

His words break something open inside me, and I cling to him, sobbing into his chest. Butter lays his big head on my lap, his warm eyes watching me, while Winnie curls up against my side, her tiny body trembling.

It’s chaos, but it’s our chaos.

Eventually, the sobs slow, my breath evening out. Cam doesn’t let go, his hand running gently up and down my back.

“You’re not alone,” he says again, his voice soft. “Not anymore.”

I nod, my head resting against his shoulder. The fear and guilt are still there, but they’re quieter now, pushed back by the warmth of his arms, the steady beat of his heart, the comforting weight of Butter and Winnie pressed against me.

Now I can start to heal.

Really heal.