Page 6 of I Ran Away to Evil #3
My Ex-Husband
Gerda
Raspelder berry. Meadowmint. Chamomile. Dewdrop pettle. Nettle. Peldeep Breakfast Blend.
So many varieties of tea!
I opened a jar of the Peldeep Breakfast Blend and inhaled. It was a mix of tannins with a hint of malt. The leaves were dried and crushed, unlike the intact full petals of the tisanes.
“May I help you, miss?” A pixie with bright-blue skin and violently sunflower-yellow hair flew up to the ledge of the tea shelf I was examining. She was wearing pants and a floral shirt … as in, a shirt made out of actual flower petals.
“Yes,” I said, pointing at the jars and ordering a medium-sized bag for each of my favorite teas.
Pixie Prim tea was a staple of my daily life.
“Right away, miss!” the pixie replied, taking several trips to fulfill my order.
“Maybe I should grab some too …” Bronwynn searched the jars. “But I’m not sure which tea Rufus would like. He prefers wine.”
“I have a fine selection of reds in the back,” the pixie offered, having flown back to grab the bag of chamomile.
Bronwynn followed the pixie to the main desk, where another pixie—this one with bright-yellow skin and pink hair—showed the half giantess their alcohol selection.
“Is there anything you’re looking for at the market?” I asked Henrietta, who was standing beside me, eyeing the tea.
“Actually”—the queen shot me a conspiratorial look—“I’m thinking about picking up a gift for Brownie’s engagement.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“We barely got to talk about her plans back in the Hollow.” Henrietta crossed her arms and pouted. “And she doesn’t seem that … I don’t know, serious about it?”
“Do they have to be in a rush?”
Henrietta sighed. “No, and I know my own wedding was quick—”
“You fell pretty fast for tall, dark-haired, and evil,” I teased.
My queen blushed but smiled.
It’d taken a year of prep work to prevent the massacre that would’ve been Henrietta romping around the Dark Enchanted Forest.
First, I’d made dueling between nobles a common occurrence.
As usual, when enacting change, I’d started in North Sumbria and worked my way out from there.
Anything that was popular in North Sumbria quickly caught on elsewhere, so if I got everyone to think that fighting to the death was gauche, then I’d potentially prevent the full-on bloodbath that would be Henrietta arriving at the Black Fortress.
Even I couldn’t have anticipated there would be no bloodshed and that the guards would just politely let the girl enter to duel their king. That had been a miracle on its own, and I wished I’d been there to see how she’d accomplished it.
The second thing I’d done was organize a straight path to the castle for Henrietta. I’d kindly asked any and all magical creatures who could be mistaken for monsters to leave the area. Anyone who lived within sight of the Great Road heading toward Drendil had had to be convinced to vacate.
I’d only had to bonk a few dire wolves on the nose before they’d learned they should keep to the hills farther from the path. They’d still kept close to Lake Loria and would come down to drink from her waters, but otherwise, they’d known to stay clear.
I’d left the unicorns. The mushfolk would’ve been easy experience points for the princess, so I’d parted with enough gold to find them a nice birch meadow near the border to Servalt.
I’d been worried about the phoenix birds who lived in the woods nearby, but they’d just laid eggs and weren’t going to be easily moved.
After watching them closely for a month, I’d ended up saving the nest from an earth wyrm attack, and the phoenix couple had gifted me two tail feathers before moving their nest deeper into the woods.
And then, I’d made sure I was Henrietta’s first encounter , as Bronwynn would put it.
Speaking of the bard, she was walking back over with her chosen bottle.
“What about you?” Henrietta asked, looking up at me.
“What about me?” I asked, confused at the turn in the conversation.
My queen’s smile took on a predatory gleam as she asked, “You went to the Spring Ball. Are you sure you didn’t see anyone who pulled at your heartstrings?”
“Wait.” Bronwynn returned at the worst time. “Do you like someone, Gerda?”
I managed a tight smile. “No. I don’t.”
Honestly, I’d played through every route in Season One: The laid-back adventurer Trevor Malory, leader of the Lancers; the obnoxious Sir Phineas, the most powerful knight her age and most likely to become knight commander after Havork; Duke Wyldon of Servalt, the glasses-wearing prime minister’s son who came to negotiate a treaty after Henrietta killed the Dark Lord; and Knight Commander Bastian of Peldeep, an ambassador for King Basil of Peldeep, who came to discuss the same.
After all of the routes had been finished, I’d even unlocked the two bonus routes.
I’d rushed through the first, a grueling story with the irredeemable Master Thomas, and then I’d played through the second bonus route six times.
I knew Julian von Slyke’s storyline like the back of my hand, and he was the love interest I stanned the hardest … which was why I’d deliberately steered clear of the duke of the North all these years.
I couldn’t trust myself in his presence. That half elf needed a hug.
“I’m sorry.” Henrietta patted my arm. “I know you had a bad experience before. If you wanted to, I bet we could get you a session with Rufus. He’s brilliant .”
“I don’t—” I started, then paused. “Gerda the Bridge Troll” had had an awful ex-husband, and my own ex from the before wasn’t much to write home about either.
Maybe I needed a hug.
“He really is the best,” Bronwynn agreed, talking about her fiancé. She stored the wine in her storage ring. “I’m sure we could work something out.”
“I’m fine,” I insisted. “Now, enough about my tragic backstory—let’s go enjoy the festival.”
There wasn’t anyone waiting for me back in my old world, and Dale— Gerda’s troll ex-husband—had only ever gotten the one chance to hurt me.
On the day I’d first arrived …
Five Years Ago
I didn’t see the truck that hit me, but I felt it.
While I lay there, listening to the white noise and screaming, it wasn’t my life that flashed before my eyes—it was my Tbr.
My to-be-read, unfinished books and games and graphic novels and all of the stories I’d never get to finish.
Like my current favorite: Dungeon Delves and Debutantes , an otome romance video game that I’d adored to excess and played through every route.
And I’d finally bought the sequel. It lay beside me, the box broken open and the disc shattered on the pavement.
A wave of nausea struck, and I closed my eyes against the pain. I never opened my human eyes again.
It was strange, becoming Gerda. The white noise continued for some time as our memories met and melded. A long dream that felt so very, very real.
Her childhood in the Baldorin Mountains.
My summers at the family lake house. Her childhood friend’s cruel tricks which lead to her gaining the Protector class at age ten.
My parents’ divorce in middle school. Her unfortunate marriage to that same childhood friend.
Me breaking up with my fiancé in college because of my future mother-in-law’s constant and never-ending abuse.
Gerda being forced to hold off monster attacks by herself with her abilities, all while her husband took the credit.
The long, hard days which felt suffocating.
And then, I was hit by cold water. The first thing I noticed when I opened my eyes was the flashing box at the corner of my vision.
[You have been Revived .]
[Warning! Your Health has dropped below 30%. Rest recommended.]
I dragged my attention away from the notifications tab. There were more, but I had other things I needed to do.
I rolled over onto my back and heaved a deep, uneven breath.
“Get up,” an angry voice snarled. “I didn’t hit you that hard.”
He was wrong, of course. He’d hit Gerda—us—me? He’d hit me hard enough to kill. These thoughts could be sorted later; for now, it was time to show our husband a lesson he was never going to forget.
Sorry, ex-husband .