Page 19 of I am Jael (Pride and Prejudice Variation)
Darcy blinked in astonishment, “Suit? Miss Elizabeth, you are all that is lovely and intelligent and good. Is it I myself? I know that I insulted you at that first meeting at the Meryton assembly. Please, let me apologize for my unkind words. I was, I fear, impatient with Bingley and spoke without genuinely looking at you.”
Elizabeth found her heart beating faster. He had apologized. He was intelligent and hard-working and diligent. Nevertheless ...
She turned toward Longbourn, “Please, walk with me, Mr. Darcy.”
Darcy did, hope springing in his breast. He grasped his horse’s reins in his left hand and held out his arm toward Elizabeth who, to his delight, shyly took his arm.
They walked in silence for a minute before Elizabeth spoke again, “Mr. Darcy, I admire you a great deal and perhaps we would indeed be compatible. However, I have grown up in a household composed of an intelligent man whose infatuation with a pretty woman led to an unequal union. I have seen the sorrow and struggle between a man who does not respect his wife and a wife who does not understand her husband. I know that your family is high ranked and my own has ties to trade. I know that my own family members do not always behave as they ought. I do not wish for either of us, Mr. Darcy, to endure a marriage where you regret marrying me, where you cannot respect and love me until the end of our days. Thus, I fear I must say ‘no’ to your proposal though I am indeed most honored.”
He stopped now, staring down at Elizabeth’s lovely face, his heart beating, his face flushing. She was one woman in a million, willing to set aside societal success and financial security for respect and love.
“My dear Miss Elizabeth,” he replied, his voice thick with emotion, “I know that this is not shallow infatuation, but genuine love and yes, respect. I have considered your ties to trade and your family’s .
.. high spirits, and I have concluded they are immaterial to me.
I love you and wish for you to be my wife.
What can I do to convince you that my feelings for you are real and true? ”
Elizabeth stared back into his face and she felt a sudden surge of hope and conviction as to the best path.
“You can wait,” she said simply. “We have only known one another for a few months, sir. Wait another three or four months and if you still wish to, ask me again. If you still maintain your attachment to me at that time, I will say yes.”
Darcy smiled, and the look on his face caused Elizabeth’s pulse to throb in her neck, “I will wait, Miss Elizabeth, though I would be honored to ask your father for a formal engagement. If we decide we are not ... are not compatible, I would release you from the engagement without protest, I assure you.”
Elizabeth sighed deeply and shook her head as she again began walking slowly toward her home, “My mother has a near obsession, I fear, at seeing us well married. If I openly reject yet another suitor, she would never forgive me.”
“Another suitor?” Darcy demanded, stopping again in surprise.
Elizabeth blushed and looked down, “My apologies, I should not have mentioned that. Yes, I once received an eligible proposal but rejected my suitor as we clearly were not compatible.”
The man’s hand tightened around the loose reins of his horse. He could have lost his Elizabeth before he was aware of what a treasure she was!
“Very well,” he agreed, though with disappointment. “Regrettably, Georgiana and I must return to London, and then Pemberley, after your sister’s marriage to Mr. Bingley. I have business that I must conduct, much as I am loathe to leave Hertfordshire.”
“I admire your commitment to your duty, and a few months of separation will provide clarity to both of us.”
“Very well. I will return after the spring planting, perhaps, though the weeks will seem very slow and empty without your presence, Miss Elizabeth.”
Elizabeth blushed at these words and then turned to face her admirer, her brow crinkling thoughtfully, “Will you be visiting your aunt in the spring, Mr. Darcy? Lady Catherine de Bourgh?”
“Yes,” Darcy replied in surprise.
“My cousin, Mr. Collins, my father’s heir, is Lady Catherine’s rector. My dear friend Charlotte Lucas is marrying Mr. Collins shortly after the New Year, and she has already invited me to visit her at the rectory in the spring. Perhaps ... perhaps we could meet again then?”
Darcy smiled broadly, “That would be absolutely perfect, Miss Elizabeth.”
“Very well,” the girl replied, and now she smiled openly as well. “Until then, we will pray and seek to know one another better, and may God’s will be done.”
“I look forward to proving my love,” Darcy replied firmly.
/
“But do you love Mr. Darcy, Lizzy?” Jane asked anxiously, her voice hushed.
Elizabeth lifted another one of Jane’s dresses from her closet and inspected it carefully for tears before laying it on the bed.
“No,” she stated honestly. “I like him, certainly, and I respect him. I would even say I am attracted to him in a ... physical way. I do not believe I love him.”
Her sister gazed at her in distress, “Did we not agree that we would marry only for love?”
“We did,” Elizabeth agreed, and smiled sadly. “But what is love, Jane?”
Her elder sister’s eyes grew misty and her already beautiful face brightened, “When you fall in love, Lizzy, you’ll know it.”
“I am not at all certain I will,” Elizabeth replied.
There was a rip in the next dress, and she set it aside for a maid to mend.
“Jane, I am so happy for you and Mr. Bingley and I believe that you two are meant for one another. I am afraid my interactions with Mr. Wickham have shown me that I cannot entirely trust my heart.”
“Surely you were not in love with Mr. Wickham!”
“No, I was not. But he had a magnetism about him, Jane, and I was immediately attracted to him more than I had ever been drawn to a man. Based on his countenance and appearance of good humor, I thought him the best of men when in fact he was a vicious, immoral individual. I have observed Mr. Darcy and find him an admirable person. I believe that if we are married, we will be happy together. I am quite certain, indeed, that we can grow to love one another.”
Jane frowned at this and shook her head worriedly, “It is not sound, Lizzy, you know it is not. You cannot be sure that you will fall in love!”
“Does it truly matter? Father was in love with Mother at one time.”
Jane’s expression softened, “You mustn’t give way to discouragement. Just because our parents’ union is not ideal does not mean you should give up hope for real happiness in marriage.”
Elizabeth sat down on the bed, which shifted under her weight, “Jane, if Mr. Darcy wishes to marry me, and he may well think better of it – if he does not, I believe we will be very happy together. I do respect him and admire him. He is intelligent, hardworking, and an excellent brother, friend and master.”
“If you believe that to be true, why did you not accept his offer this morning?” Jane asked practically.
“Because he might be, probably is, operating out of infatuation, Jane. We have not known each other for long.”
“Mr. Bingley and I have known each other exactly the same length of time, dear sister.”
Elizabeth nodded, “Yes, but Mr. Bingley has a very different personality and, frankly, less elevated connections. I have no doubt that you and Mr. Bingley, with your similar outlooks towards life, will have a long and happy marriage. Mr. Darcy, if he marries me, will do so against the wishes of his family and will garner disapproval from at least some members of high society. Indeed, according to Mr. Collins, he is promised to his cousin, Anne de Bourgh.”
“That cannot be true, Lizzy, else Mr. Darcy would not have offered for you.”
“I agree. Mr. Darcy is an honorable man. But clearly Lady Catherine, who sounds autocratic and demanding, will be angry about our marriage if it takes place.”
“Does that worry you? If so, that is not like my brave Lizzy.”
Elizabeth chuckled, “No, I am not intimidated by the haughty Lady Catherine. I merely wish Mr. Darcy to be absolutely certain that he is committed to me, and this season of waiting will be good for both of us. Indeed, as I said, I expect he will think better of the offer and thank me for the delay.”
Jane looked offended, “My dear Elizabeth, any man would be blessed to have you as his wife.”
“We will see if Mr. Darcy still agrees in the spring.”